[dubblemonkey]

Damn it!!

I hate being in the corner of life it keeps shoving me there putting me there hating me there jamming me there in the freaking corner of LIFE!!...!!

and it's my damn fault if I do nothing about it

I keep trying!!..

but trying just aint enough

...PUT some feeling into it!

I have to take a risk everytime I want to feel something it could kill me But I understand something new everytime at the end of it!

that??

I have no control??

not exactly!

I can hurt every damn day of my life but I can feel nothing for just a few...

just so I can see what is hurting me..

welcome to mental illness...

I will stick your own stoopid head up your own *** so you can see what you shoulda' when you blink!

maybe it's possible?

not like it's necessary!

GLOOM...is so real!

MOODY is even more real an the reasons are even BIGGER!

I get around like a moron like a dis-interested fool...

like nothing can touch me like a ...

well??

it's my protection!!
how can I break out of this calamity?

...do I even want to?
I identify with misery!

and oh?

I forgot!!

I am mentally freaking ill!!

nobody else needs to no...

...first thing is to look around and be screwed!

look around and surrounded!....

everyone is better than me everyone knows better than me everyone knows everything!!

I am nothing!

pathetic!!...pointless useless...

I watch them succeed at what I fail at I watch myself fail trying to succeed!

at anything...

according to THEM!

and ever so quiet I slip through the 'security'...

...DM said it's so

so it has to be...

I'm serious!

[DePressMe]

you express a lot of things I feel....D.

[BlueInanna]

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for u
And everything that u do...

They understand us perfectly.

A beautiful voice told me yesterday everything will be ok, do I trust him, yes I do.

I've noticed that there is a price to pay for putting too much emotion into things.

it really screws me up to go there cuz there is no bottom, no end to the pain caused by a mental illness like this.

I have found that I need to distance myself somewhat from it. maybe it's playing ignorant, but it sure helps!

[BlueInanna]

Let me know how u do it Dumbfounded, distance yourself from emotions? I have some control of emotions but not enough. I understand I go to catastrophic thinking, yet I still do it.

Its really acknowledging only and not, no way and never feeding emotions or even looking too deep into them if at all. Sounds shallow I know, but it really works.

Sent from my LG-P769 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

I'm home now. I should have really been more clear, but I didn't have much time when I responded.

it's just what I do. Not telling anyone else that this is right for them.

I act totally different than I feel most of the time. It feels crazy weird to do, but it's a habit for me now. I'm getting depressed I listen to the most heavy and angry music that I can find. I act out in ways that are usually reserved for happy and excited people. I am really good at this. I guess it's fair to say that I sort of run from my emotions, but not quite... it's more of an "I don't care about what they are or that they even exist. I only care what is happening now and I'll be damned if I'm not going to be the person that I have created myself to be." So for me it's sort of like that. I turn my back on them. period.

the times that I pay attention to them, feed them by analyzing them... man, they rip me up. they can send me on a rollercoaster ride from hell every single time. I have learned that they are like the enemy and I've put up walls against my enemy.

So that is my mindset and how I distance myself from my emotions.

I'll be damned if I let them trigger me again.