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#1
May 21, 2013, 01:10 AM
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I feel terrible. I feel like, as I'm getting older, the 'in between' feeling is getting less and less and it's just this huge rollercoaster. Like yesterday was a generally normal day for me. I wasn't depressed, but not super cray-cray either so I'd call it normal, although I think I was at least borderline manic... coming off my high... but then today I just come crashing down into a pit of blah. I just want to wither away and die and I keep having to tell myself to breathe because I am SO pissed with just everyone and everything that it's getting difficult. And my mum. OH, my mum.
She SOSOSOSOSO does not get it. Sometimes I definitely feel like she's deliberately trying to work me up and I so badly want to just... yikes... I'm scaring myself with my thoughts here... idk... but I want to do something bad and I know I'll regret it in the long run so I won't, but if she keeps pushing my buttons the way she is, then I'm going to flip shiz. And it will not be pretty. And now I feel like I'm going to and I'm scared and I just don't know... I'm a mess right now... not to mention I'm kind of being forced into a relationship at the moment. The thing is I really like her and I REALLY want to be with her, but we've both got some issues and they don't go together well.... I'll just go with that.. But anywhale... Thanks for listening.... xoxo <3 <3 <3
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Soon madness has worn you down. It’s easier to do what it says than argue. In this way, it takes over your mind. You no longer know where it ends and you begin. You believe anything it says. You do what it tells you, no matter how extreme or absurd. If it says you’re worthless, you agree. You plead for it to stop. You promise to behave. You are on your knees before it, and it laughs... 
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 BipolaRNurse, notALICE, OnyxRayne, swheaton
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#2
May 21, 2013, 02:19 AM
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Times can be tough, I had the issue of being nagged by my GF all the time to the point where I couldnt even go to the bathroom if I left a cup on the table. I cant even begin to describe how i sometimes felt inside. if I went out for a cigarette, shed say "now your avoiding the situation like always".
but you can wiggle your way out of certan situations you dont like, not saying they will get you somewhere better, but if you do nothing, nothing will change. Im in the process of ending a long term relationship, I told her how I felt and it was not easy at all. I also felt very forced to stay put in the relationship with a baby, I want to be a good father and I felt staying in the relationship was the only way, or the best way. But I could not seem to be happy with her much at all, I cared about her feelings more then my own well being for way too long, Leaving didnt seem like an option but it was and I feel a bit of relief and sadness. I dont know what your situation is, I know you may not be able to avoid your mom, but things can change if you make them, no matter how obligated you feel right now. I dont know why you feel forced in the relationship, but if its because you dont want to hurt her feelings. You need to ask your self if she cares about your feelings as much as you care about hers. I realized my GF never cared about my feelings, just wanted me to be around and didnt care how I was feeling. It was just me who cared about hers. |
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#3
May 21, 2013, 02:22 AM
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Did your mom make you mad and that was what triggered you?
When I was 13 I was constantly fighting with my mom over /everything/. Parents usually become the enemy at your age. I didn't get along with my parents until I moved out at 19. Now I call them every other day! If you can, try and keep up the dancing and physical exercise. It will help alleviate and distract you from the restlessness and agitation. Remember that its important to have "me" time where you do things that you enjoy. Also a therapist if your family can afford one. That's probably the one thing I wish I had as a teenager.
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"You got to fight those gnomes...tell them to get out of your head!" |
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#4
May 21, 2013, 06:30 AM
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Quote:
In your relationship, how do you feel forced? (If it's too personal, you don't have to answer). Maybe try to set boundaries there too? I like the "anywhale". I vent often on here. Many  I'm sorry you're going through so much. I can relate.
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notALICE MIDWAY upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost. Bipolar I |
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#5
May 21, 2013, 09:35 AM
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And for my relationship crisis... well I really really like her and she says she really really likes me too, but we argue A LOT and she got mad at me because I'm not comfortable with sex. Strange I know. Like she totally flipped. She also has AvPD so it's a bit difficult to ya know... get along all the time. She always thinks I hate her, when I really don't then it causes issues for me because I feel like I'm being accused and it doesn't sit well with me. So yeah. I don't know what to do. And like... if we broke up, I think it would break both of our hearts and I really can't do that to her right now.
__________________
Soon madness has worn you down. It’s easier to do what it says than argue. In this way, it takes over your mind. You no longer know where it ends and you begin. You believe anything it says. You do what it tells you, no matter how extreme or absurd. If it says you’re worthless, you agree. You plead for it to stop. You promise to behave. You are on your knees before it, and it laughs...
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#6
May 21, 2013, 10:18 AM
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I have a lot of scary intrusive thoughts. They are worse when I'm angry. And, they are worse when I'm mixed. It is definately a time when I just need to stay focused on trying to be calm. Deep breaths, soothing thoughts, get up and go for a walk and remove myself from the situation... anything that will help calm me.
Maybe the first thing to remember is that your mom doesn't understand, and it is possible she never will. My dad had never understood, he never will. He's 75 with a bad heart now, I don't even bother to tell him most things. I stick to happy topics as much as possible. When he starts in to the doom and gloom, I remind myself that is his problem, not mine. It gets easier once you don't have to live together anymore. Hang in there.
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#7
May 21, 2013, 12:46 PM
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Oh yes. I understand the feeling. I still live in the house with my sister and I swear some days I could just lose it and beat her... I'm doing my best to hang in there, but you're absolutely correct, it's tough. I've learned that sometimes the best thing to do is to just be quiet and walk away, to do something you enjoy (something healthy and stress-relieving, of course) and just be. Listen to music or call a friend/relative you trust and have a heart to heart, or just talk. It can really help to get your mind off of things. I would also recommend getting into therapy if you aren't... I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea originally, but it can be helpful.
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#8
May 23, 2013, 09:11 AM
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Quote:
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notALICE MIDWAY upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost. Bipolar I |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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