Does this resonate with anyone?

I( am confused about a lot of what I am experiencing lately.

I believe it is a mixed episode but I have never really had one of these before. It has been going on for months now.

The biggest things are forgetting words, like they are on the tip of my tongue but can't get them out. Or I just don't know at the time. I stutter a lot. I also talk incessantly and ramble about nothing. I laugh during it too cause I am so nervous at the time.

Then I get angry the next minute at everyone around me and every sound that I hear. A co-worker was on the phone, conference call today on speaker and also smacking gum. She has smacked gum before and I didn't care but the combination of the two was just unbearable. I had to leave and finish the day at home. thankfully I can do that, though at some point my boss is going to start asking questions and coming down on me for it.

I get annoyed at others when they don't respond to me when I need them too. I get angry and sometimes just downright turbulent.

There is more and I posted in general forum before on similar subject but am trying to determine if this resonates more here than the general other mental forum there is.

I am so lost and empty and angry and irritable all at the same time. I get giddy then just the opposite within momens time.

Thanks

It sounds like you're going through a rollercoaster of very intense emotions --anxiety, anger, emptiness/sadness, it sounds pretty awful. Do you have a therapist you can talk to about this? Maybe your therapist (if you have one) could help with strategies to manage the emotions when they're so high, not to stop them, but be able to tolerate them to the point of not affecting so much your relationships with other people (and yourself, really as well). I feel like I'm making it sound too easy, but it has to be enormously difficult. But I think therapy and being gentle with yourself as you pull through this are your best bet.

I'm sorry this is happening and that it's been going on for so long. I hope you feel better soon

Yes. I can really relate. Most of my episodes are mixed. Going from the point of wanting to lash out, then to the point of wanting to curl up in a ball and never come out. Then there is the paranoia, and the i'm stupid thoughts. I know just how you feel.

My T gave me pointers that she uses in her life to help me deal w/ those. And they work. I was pretty amazed. But even she has noticed that I can cycle multiple times while sitting in her office.

God I'm really rambling.

Does sound famliar, my hypomanias turn ugly after a few days. They start off giddy and happy, but then I become irittable, angry and aggitated when it turns dysphoric, sometimes switching between moments of euphoria and pure aggression. If you have no depressive symptoms present simultaneously, it can't be classified as a mixed episode, I agree with Ultramar in speaking with a professional to help you identify your experiences and help you learn to cope with them. Coping strategies do a world of good when you learn how to use them.

So sorry you're on a rollercoaster, I know how badly it can suck at times

Hi wadingthruemotions,

sorry to hear that you are having such a trouble.

It does not resonate that much with my experience as my hypomanias are more of the shiny happy kind and I don't get (or act) angry easily - probably a result of working for years in call-centers - so the only thing which maybe might be of some help is this point, where we have a bit in common:
Seroquel had a bad impact on my verbal skills, made me forget words a lot and also messed up my grammar; this impact has been worse for my active use than the passive one. My first native language skills went down from professional level to non-professional, my second native language skills went down to foreign language skills, and I lost much of the foreign language skills. Which was humiliating and horrible for me as I normally am more a language crack and need them for work in an office. It got better with each lowering of the dose, but I am still 50 mg away from normality.

What I got used to do for the words on the tip of my tongue to avoid stuttering:
- Fillers in hope that the word comes out after a couple of seconds. The.. well.. the... you know... parachute
- Circumscribing and saying that I have the word on the tip of my tongue: The... well the thing which you use to jump from an helicopter without falling like a stone, soldiers use it a lot, I don't remember the word right now but you know what I mean?
- Using another word which pops out in my mind and comes close to the word I am seeking: The hang glider or what you call it.

I don't know if this helps you as I used them while slowed down by the meds and you are more nervous instead, but you might try it out.

I get the forgetting all kinds of easy words thing often, with stuttering and problems with initiating mouth + tongue movements. It usually results in me constantly switching between English and Norwegian, my first language (around those of my friends who understand both) or just taking a very, very long time to say things. I think it happens when I'm not feeling great, but not only in mixed states.

My episodes are almost all mixed too. I have a lot of problem with words, which is frustrating to me because I have always loved linguistics! But stuttering, forgetting simple words and talking very fast are all parts of my episodes. I go from feeling happy to snapping and screaming at my kids. I get paranoid or I get where I'm just like eff it all. Yup. Sounds familiar. Hope you start feeling better. It's the pits.

I definitely go through periods when I'm like that. Fortunately I know how to keep my mouth shut so that I don't explode about the things that I KNOW are little! They just won't feel it at the time.

I just internalize absolutely everything when I get like that. not a good thing to do, I know....

but if I keep it all in then it will be mine, and stay mine to deal with.

most of the time dealing with it is merely a waiting game for the feelings to lessen to the point that I can overcome them.

I used to be engulfed in emotions. absolutely controlled and tortured by them.

meds. it's the meds that broke that cycle for me.

without them, I would be such a mess. absolutely useless without them.

It could be, but irritability is also common with depression. When you're in these irritable moods do you feel manic? That's one thing about them that I experience every time. Lots of racing thoughts, lots of flight of ideas, lots of excess energy but at the same time too fatigued to do anything. Everything is just overwhelming.

The loss of words is a cognitive functioning thing. It happens to me all the time. It's like a lesser degree of thought blocking, I think. It's one of the first things that started troubling about my cognitive problems is I kept forgetting words or kept forgetting what I was talking about. It's really annoying.

Okay so i am going to read all the posts in a second. Wanted to add this before I forget what it is since I am experiencing it now.

Geez, so my main goal is to see if this, most or all do resonate here obviously but for some reason I had to say that here.

I have insomnia real bad. That leads me to be being super dog tired all the time. No energy. Trying to exercise now. My hubby is good at least he is kind of pushing me there. I will try to find excuses and we did have a good discussion about him not letting me unless it was a headache cause he knows I can't control those.

I can take naps at night but not really sleep all night.
I am then like a zombie except that I have to work which is sooooo difficult these days.

So I make excuses there too.

Round and round it goes, day in and day out. Sorry for being so long here but I just need to know and this is helping. Thank you all for replying and stopping by for those that are.

I have a shrink. I adore her. She listens to me. First doc that I have ever felt okay with.
I had a therapist before, like a psychologist I think. At that time it was strictly for depression as i wasn't officially diagnosed with BP at the time. She was okay and for what it was yea she helped. but I could not see myself seeing her now as I just don't.

So I will talk to my shrink about it for sure and have kept in touch with her. I will see where that goes from here. I mostly need to know how to deal with this also so that I don't feel honestly like I have lost my mind. It is awful and I am constantly on edge.

All of the problems here do resonate with me and I am not taking Seroquel. I will remember that as I do not want to add to this. I am taking pristiq and abilify specific to my condition or whatever you want to call it. Lunesta for sleeping and Imitrex for the migraines. If my anxiety keeps up Klonopin for that. Geez i take too much.

Oh yes this all resonates with me. UGH

Sleep issues should always be addressed , as in right now. If your unable to sleep your mind doesn't have the much needed rest and you will feeling like your spinning out of control.

Good luck hope your able to sleep soon.

Yep. Left message with my doc and am waiting a return call. And yes oh boy am I. spinning, and it keeps going and going.

Also I am impulsive, very much so. I act on them ALOT and then regret them later to the tune of being depressed about it to cry. I know it is not healthy for me but do it anyway. I have an addictive personality as well and also am in a constant state of arousal most days.

I am also sad and lonely all the time and feel empty. I have often wondered if not being around anymore would be the best option. Not taking myself out, just if something happened so what. Wouldn't everyone including myself be better off that way.

UGH

I think if you were hypomanic, you would likely still be energetic during the day, despite lack of sleep.

I wish I had good advice about insomnia, it's not my strong point! But I've heard that exercising is a really good strategy for it, tiring out your body and potentially clearing your mind. I admire you for trying your best to stick to it, it must be hard when you're so tired. Melatonin seems to help some people. Reading in bed til I fall asleep helps me sometimes.

Lack of sleep makes everything worse --I hope you're able to get on a good schedule soon. Hopefully people here will have some good strategies for sleep!

You're on meds and have a great pdoc (which is gold!), but I think therapy is an important part of the equation (sorry it didn't go so well with your last one, but maybe your pdoc could refer you to someone?); I think the self-esteem issues, the emptiness, anger, depression, I think all of these can be helped by a good therapist; there are specific strategies regarding mood regulation and also sometimes getting deeper into things, to the root of the problems, can be hugely helpful and healing.

There is so much more and so much flies by at the blink of an eye that I want to try to keep going on what I am getting or feeling, etc while it is in the now.

Hard when you have to work, etc and can't get on or even think to jot them down at the time.

I am so round and round, thoughts flying at warp speed, i get energy boosts even though I am tired as hell. I have to do as much as I can during that time cause when I crash I can't really put much effort into anything.

It could be the combo of Pristiq and Imitrex. My Pdoc said I couldn't take the two together. Can also cause heart failure. No triptans with Pristiq. I all in all figured out a lot of my problems were due to pristiq. It also cause hypomania/mania when mixed with other over the counter meds. I was experiencing a lot of what you are going through just by taking a cold medicine with pristiq. I switched off of pristiq to another antidepressant and also went off of abilify. I don't know if it was adding to the words not coming to my brain or not but it made me gain 50lbs. Topomax is another pill that creates the inability to come up with the words you're looking for. Hope you start to feel more like yourself soon.

Ok so all my docs know all my meds. Wonder why they would give me triptans if they are affected with pristiq.

I don't think my issues are pritiq and abilify related. I have been on pristiq for yeas now and was on both abilify with it previosly. I'll let my doc know and she can decide.