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#1
Jun 07, 2013, 10:17 PM
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I just don't really care about much at all right now!!! I have dug myself into such a big dark hole that I am not sure how to dig myself back out!! Its like I have escaped my issues by hiding behind a mask or numbing out for so long that when stuff starts hitting the fan so to say, I automatically numb out so I don't feel!! it has been years since I have shed a tear!! the only thing I feel is anger and even when I start feeling anger I immediately bury it because I am afraid of it!! 20 some years ago in my drinking and partying days (my old way of escaping) I used to get so angry that I used to punch brick walls while drunk and not care what it did to my knuckles, etc. its like while I am writing this I was actually making sense for a while and now I totally forgot what I was going to say next!! Damn it makes me feel like I am going totally crazy!! I have never been like this!! my mind and my life was more together when I was drinking and drugging in the past!!! my life today is so unmanageable it is crazy!!! I cant think straight to pay my bills or even clean my dam house!! WTF is wrong with me?? you going to tell me that just by taking meds for bipolar (abilify was prescribed) is going to help change all this!???? Somehow I have to dig myself out of this hole before it is too late because the way my mind is working tonight its like I have these strong urges to just.......oh forget it I better not say!!! anyways I guess I need to try and go to sleep now, whatever that is!!!
  
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 A Red Panda, Darth Bane, optimize990h, redbandit
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#2
Jun 07, 2013, 10:34 PM
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It is positive that you can write out your thoughts here in a PC forum post.
__________________
I get fed, don't worry.   (Buddy putting in his 2bits worth)
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 winkynjr
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#3
Jun 07, 2013, 10:58 PM
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Taking meds isn't going to just fix everything, It does however often allows people to even out a bit so issues and whatever problems are present can be addressed.
Don't give up there is always hope.
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| winkynjr
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#4
Jun 08, 2013, 12:05 AM
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Do you know the neat thing about digging a hole? Eventually, you really would show up on the other side of the planet. Sure, there's the issue of time and magma..... but in theory it works!
Just feeling a little weird myself right now. It's best to be open, don't feel like you can't share things with us. It's alright to feel frustrated and angry. Expressing it here is a much healthier respose than punching a wall, right? |
| winkynjr
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#5
Jun 08, 2013, 01:15 PM
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winky,
God, do I know that feeling. I'm in it right now except all I have is Klonopin, which I'm addicted to and has become almost useless. But I know how utterly frustrating, hopeless and angry one feels when "there is no there there" to paraphrase Gertrude Stein. Even if you're lucky to have a top shelf doctor who knows his/her stuff and works their butt off to try to figure how to help you, sometimes, as it is in my case, there appears to be no solution. You become like a storm tossed boat, holding on for dear life. And we hold on. And we come out the other side, bruised, battered, disoriented, but alive. Maybe the best we can do is accept. Question the cosmos or God if you want, but at the end of the day, all we can do is accept what we've been given and try to create a life that's workable, comfortable and will allow us to just be. |
| winkynjr
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#6
Jun 08, 2013, 06:23 PM
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Your turn to hang in there!
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#7
Jun 08, 2013, 07:09 PM
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Quote:
I wish you luck. I wish you well. If you want to PM me to trade stories I will listen and share. Just know that I am not all in a happy place to offer that upbeat note.
__________________
"Death is easy, peaceful: Life is harder" "The Day You Turned On Me Is The Day I Died, And I've Forgotten What It's Like, And How It Feels To Be Alive" (Daughtry-Gone) "And you always want what you're running from. It's always been that way." Bittersweet Lyrics by Ellie Goulding "The reason I hold on, cause I need this hole gone." (Stay by Rihanna) "The opposite of love's indifference." (Stubborn Love, The Lumineers) |
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#8
Jun 08, 2013, 07:12 PM
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I've recently started taking meds for bipolar for the first time and it has helped. My life was totally unmanageable before, including a filthy house and overdue bills. The meds are helping and there is hope. I'm by no means living the perfect life now, but better. Hold on and give the meds some time. It sucks, but hopefully soon you'll see some light.
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| winkynjr
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#9
Jun 08, 2013, 07:18 PM
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Quote:
I guess I just need to take the dam meds!!! For some reason I just won't take them!!!!!! |
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#10
Jun 08, 2013, 07:28 PM
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Quote:
Try to take them. They may do you more good than you or even I think. I hope they do for your sake.
__________________
"Death is easy, peaceful: Life is harder" "The Day You Turned On Me Is The Day I Died, And I've Forgotten What It's Like, And How It Feels To Be Alive" (Daughtry-Gone) "And you always want what you're running from. It's always been that way." Bittersweet Lyrics by Ellie Goulding "The reason I hold on, cause I need this hole gone." (Stay by Rihanna) "The opposite of love's indifference." (Stubborn Love, The Lumineers) |
| winkynjr
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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