[StarTrek14]

My girlfriend and I have been together two years and have had a really good relationship. Everything was going great. Her dad died unexpectedly about 3 months ago and it has been up and down as expected considering she is grieving. She has always been a quiet person and not one to talk about things. She hasn't really talked about anything in detail but I didn't want to force her to. She says she needs me more than ever and days later will say she doesn't know if she can deal with the emotions that come from being in a relationship. We currently live with room mates and recently an incident happened while I was not home in which the roommates were being loud when she was sleeping and got upset and started cussing in the other room about having to be quiet which she heard. She is extremely upset with them, wants nothing to do with them and is getting angry at me that I am allowing that even though I confronted them and told them it was disrespectful. My gf got even more upset with me when I told her we couldn't move out because we can not afford it together right now and we need to have room mates in order to make rent. She got so upset she packed all her stuff and moved out and broke up with me. The next day she came by to get the rest of her stuff and we talked and decided we will stay together and save for our own place. Now two days later she has brought it back up that she's still not happy with having to move out and feels like it is unfair that she is treated unfairly and she is the one that has to leave. I'm not sure what to do. I'm confused if this is being blown out of proportion and I wonder if she could be bipolar since her dad that just passed was diagnosed as bipolar or is it part of grieving process?. I love her so much and want to be with her..I am just not sure what to do to help right now.

[Dylanzmama]

I don't know the answer to your situation, but if you've ever lost a parent, it can really mess things up. I know my reactions and emotions are usually outside the norm anyway...
You might not be able to help her actively, but I know when my husband was patient with me and waited for me to "come back" to him after my mom died and my dad got sick-it made all the difference in the world for me.
Good luck-it sounds like she's lucky to have you.
Heidi

[middlepath]

I lost my father 10 years ago and I was a train wreck for damn-near a year. I am not a picture of emotional stability so take this with a grain of salt. But, like Dylanzmama, having my husband just there and waiting for me to fly in and out of various emotional states was super comforting. It was the most comforting thing. If it were me, I would just want to be reminded that someone is there for me no matter what and that I can take all the time I need to go through what I am experiencing w/out jeopardizing the relationship. ((hugs))

If it gets to be too much for her, take her in to see a doctor and see if a little medication
might help relieve some of the stress in the apartment and the grieving process that
she must go through. It's stressful for you, too, remember.

If something appears that is not related to the grief and apartment situation, her
doctor will likely discover it and recommend further treatment with a specialist.
Bipolar illness can be inherited, but environment may play a role in triggering it, so
the situation needs to be carefully protected and guarded.

[Victoria'smom]

Here's what I hear:
Girlfriend was close to dad,
Girlfriend lost dad,
Losing her dad throw all relationships off balance,
Girlfriend was trying to sleep (much needed sleep) when room mates started to fight ,
Girlfriend got scared,
Girlfriend felt ganged up against when telling you she needs a more peaceful living arrangement,
Girlfriend feels worse because since you weren't listening she would have turned to dad but she can't.
So now your relationship is more shaky.
_______

She needs a more relaxed living situation that she feels safe to deal with her grief in. Instead of investigating a cheaper smaller place you outright said no without understanding how hard this whole situation is for her. The fact that she moved out of her own home should make you step back and investigate what's really going on. Yes it could be bipolar or she could feel unsafe whether actually physically or to grieve. She needs to know right now that you are there for her even if it's not monetarily possible. I would suggest going to stay with her until you guys find a place that can be just you two. Even if it's closet size. Try to get her and yourself into therapy so that you can deal with this the best way possible.