[Faraway tree]

Hey team,

I've been thinking about posting here for a bit but thought I might be able to get my rant out of my system... Alas I have not.

So I saw an old friend (also long term crush) today. He seemed to have it so together... Hobbies, long term relationship, good job, car, dog even!

Every time I look on Facebook my friends are all marrying, breeding or house buying... I am starting to feel a it left behind, which I'm ok with. I just got diagnosed last year after having bipolar since I was 18 (I'm 26 now) and I know I've done well all things considered. I have a degree and an ok job and I work four days per week which is enough money and enough to keep me sane-ish.

But I kind of worry about the future and all of the things people juggle in life.

I want a relationship (my only one lasted eight weeks), I want a family one day, or at least a dog... But there are so many things!

For me getting to Work, lasting the week, doing my washing, having meals and not being mad is the pinnical of success, quite the achievement.

I just can't see how I could cope with a partner, let alone an infant (not that that is on the cards any time soon if at all!) or even my dream of a puppy.

Does this even make sense?

It's like I can just juggle two balls, my peers are juggling five and in the future they'll be juggling ten balls while I'm stuck on two still.

Does anyone else feel like this? It plays on my mind a bit?

[gary290]

I think everyone moves at there on pace. Some people may be jumping into the family life too fast. It's really stressful for anyone. I think you're on the right path for you now. Things will change in time.

[bipolarLady7]

Take it slow, whatever you do. I've had bipolar since I was 17 (11 years ago) and not long after that, I married and had children. I had postpartum and that almost ripped my family apart. So before having children in a married relationship I definitely recommend having friends nearby and supportive family nearby. It sounds like you're doing fine for now, and I'll pray that you'll continue to get better.

[BlackPup]

I'm 34, BP for 13 years and diagnosed for 6. I struggled with work but now I'm married and just started having a family and loving it. I might go back to work eventually but with cost of and difficulty in getting child are over here I won't be working anytime soon.
Everything happens units own time at the moment focus on your coping skills and try to get your BP as stable as you can with the help of your pdoc, T and meds. Let life take care of itself...

[Nessa213]

Every situation is so unique too. Some people only function in relationships (myself included) and some just take things slower. Neither way is "right" or "wrong", just different.

Don't let your diagnosis define what you can and can't have. But I do have to say having a child is extremely challenging for me. Sometimes makes me feel like a terrible mother. But we all just do the best we can. :-)

If you DO get a dog, I've heard very good things about Labs. :-) I'm personally a doxie kind of person... but their stubborn personality is off putting for a lot of people. Or! Maybe start with a goldfish and work your way up from there?

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by Faraway tree

Hey team,

I've been thinking about posting here for a bit but thought I might be able to get my rant out of my system... Alas I have not.

So I saw an old friend (also long term crush) today. He seemed to have it so together... Hobbies, long term relationship, good job, car, dog even!

Every time I look on Facebook my friends are all marrying, breeding or house buying... I am starting to feel a it left behind, which I'm ok with. I just got diagnosed last year after having bipolar since I was 18 (I'm 26 now) and I know I've done well all things considered. I have a degree and an ok job and I work four days per week which is enough money and enough to keep me sane-ish.

But I kind of worry about the future and all of the things people juggle in life.

I want a relationship (my only one lasted eight weeks), I want a family one day, or at least a dog... But there are so many things!

For me getting to Work, lasting the week, doing my washing, having meals and not being mad is the pinnical of success, quite the achievement.

I just can't see how I could cope with a partner, let alone an infant (not that that is on the cards any time soon if at all!) or even my dream of a puppy.

Does this even make sense?

It's like I can just juggle two balls, my peers are juggling five and in the future they'll be juggling ten balls while I'm stuck on two still.

Does anyone else feel like this? It plays on my mind a bit?

it can be done, speaking from experience, tho can also be challenging, speaking from experience! The best!

[faerie_moon_x]

I've had BP for a long time, I can't say how long since I had a lot of issues even as a little kid. But, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 30. And, I've had very spotty on and off again treatment in that time.

But, I have full time job (40 hour weeks,) I have a husband and 3 boys, my youngest is 17 months old and my oldest is 10. I did have a previous marriage who is the father of my oldest. That didn't work out because I rushed it and pretty sure I married him while manic. It was just a bad move, since I didn't love him at all. I was just trying to grow up too fast and get away from my dad.

I have a lot of ups and downs but I struggle through it. I have ultradian cycling so that's fun... (not really,) and so I kind of never know what I'm in store for every day. But, somehow I manage. And, there are some big issues in my life but I am working on them.

Just because you have bipolar doesn't mean you won't have a good life. I think that's the thing that's important. And, everyone will have a different life. Just because it doesn't fit into society's "box" of how things should go doesn't mean your life is better or worse than anyone else's.

Also, Facebook is notorious for making us hate our friends and family because people always look happy in pictures. Unless you've got someone posting all their doom and gloom on your friends list, it's more likely to make you depressed than happy. Facebook is like fake reality. Just like reality t.v. It may be partially true, but most of it is just part of the mask people want you to see.

[intergalactictraveler]

If you compare yourself with your peers, you'll only set yourself for disappointment. Think of us with bipolar as an alien race, living on this planet. Our body clocks run at a different speed, our hormones peak and drop at different times, we perceive the world through different eyes, we relate to people in different ways. Different is okay. Accept what you have and how it confers different gifts and advantages. Read John Mcanamy's Five Rules for a Bipolar Relationship. He's extraordinarily articulate and puts this illness, vis-a-vis, romantic relationship, in a most unique light. G'day.

[Faraway tree]

Thanks for the support guys, I feel better about it after reading what you guys have written - it's nice to hear from people who have been there done that too, and get what I mean.

Thanks

[Faraway tree]

P.s. I like that we are a super alien (albeit malfunctional) alien race.

And I have two goldfish, neither of which are currently dead which is a step closer to the dog