[intergalactictraveler]

Three or four nights of poor sleep and life is getting s-o-o strange. My 'loving' wife does her best to ignore me. My pdoc met her and I asked for a psychological assessment. She replied, "Your wife is extremely needy and insecure, emotionally, she's a child in the body of an adult, she's self-centered and only cares about her needs and her wants, and she's incapable of providing you with the emotional support and understanding that you need." All that said, she then told me that I have to overlook my wife's shortcomings and be more empathetic and understanding. Maybe I'll always have my illness and it will forever be a challenge, but I don't need my wife. I've started contacting divorce lawyers. Now if I could just get some sleep.

[~Christina]

Sorry you are going through so much , I hope things improve and your able to get some sleep.

[intergalactictraveler]

Thank you, Christina. This site is becoming my world wide portal to a community of like minded people, each of us sharing our problems, small or large victories and encouraging each other. With the death of my friend, I am so lost and in pain. The only other person who had such a profound influence on my life was my father. Both of them shared their hard earned wisdom and lifes lessons, but I still managed to follow every wrong path and screw my life up but good. Mental illness is a family legacy. How can someone be so smart in some ways and so stupid in others?

[vjdragonfly]

I hate to hear this inter... It is hard enough dealing with your own problems and then have to support someone elses. Especially when there is no support in return. I wish the best to you

[~Christina]

I don't think its a case of Smart versus Stupid. Everyone on this planet makes decisions that are probably not the best.

You have lost a friend and your wife does not seem to be supportive and that isn't helping matters. One of the most important things for a person with Bipolar is sleep. If your sleep if lousy you will not be able to function and make good decisions.

Get in touch with your Pdoc asap to address the insomnia.

I hope things settle down and you are able to deal with whatever you need to with a clear head.

[intergalactictraveler]

Christina, VJ, thank you for your kind words. I am about to try a calcium channel blocker, which is what stabilized me two decades ago, but ended up giving me coronary artery spasms. My pdoc and the doctor who originally prescribed(a world reknowned bipolar researcher and psychiatrist) don't believe it was the medicine but several other doctors I know thought the medicine was the cause, since I never had it happen again once I went off it. I'm going to take a much lower dose and p**s on them. I'm not in the market for a heart attack.

Meanwhile, another heavy dose of dreaded Klonopin, tonight. Maybe I'll move to California and find a good marijuana doctor. There are a few good ones out there.

[Mack2]

Hey, I don't sleep unless the doc gives me something. When I was first medicated I was put on olanzapine, which always knocked me out. Sleepers don't work so I take 150mg of quetiapine a night that works for me. All the doctors here act very quickly if your not sleeping well as you probably know that sleep deprivation can cause mania and that is more difficult for the docs to control than depression. I have been given medication the whole time I've been diagnosed, but nothing works if I'm hypo.

[intergalactictraveler]

Mack,

Short med history. 2.5 mg of Olanzapine and I felt I was going to kill someone. End of that. Seroquel@12.5 mg, leaves me stoned out of my head for about 22 hours, as well a nauseous and disoriented. I'm serious about finding a pdoc who uses marijuana in ANY form and when I split from my wife, I think I'll head west. The other option is a good psychoneuroendocrinolosgist, who analyzes your HPTA axis and tries to repair some of the damage that's been caused by bipolar illness.

[Mack2]

They are trialling ketamine for depression, might want to look into that.

[intergalactictraveler]

I'll talk to my pdoc, Mack2. I'm sure Aetna will h-o-w-l if they had to pay for that script, lol.