[twisted_angel]

I don't know where to start. I've been crying all night and should have been asleep hours ago but feel I've failed again. My life is a mess. It's always a mess or it seems that way. I'm always trying to make it better but it just gets worse. I thought I was doing pretty good. I've been an addict all my life and finally sobered up. I move around all the time each time 'starting over' thinking this time I will find friends but then I don't things get messed up and I move again. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this and if I'm not I hope they edit it out but I'm in the 'adult' business I guess you say and so I constantly get judged. I believe God only gives you as much as you can handle and right now I have almost 3 months sober and am trying to get my life back on track. I'm not a bad person. I consider myself very generous and thoughtful and a good friend if anyone would give me a chance, but because of my job I cannot get that chance. Everyone judges me right away then throws me to the dirt and I take it so personally now it breaks me down harder each time. I just pray for strength and courage I guess and that I don't lose hope. I feel so sad and lonely and I am truly trying I have come so far. If only they could see....

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time.

People are very judgemental, it's true. It's the same when you have bipolar. I had that I have bipolar because I know it gets judged and people have no idea what is true or not about it. Stigma. You have double stigma!

but, you know, it's hard to make friends. I have very few friends. My closest friends I've made here on this forum. In real life, I keep people at a distance because of how many times I have been backstabbed and treated like a freak. It's hard to trust people when you get betrayed. Life is hard. People need to not be so judgemental.

I wish I had advice but I don't know how to make real-life friends, and I feel this forum is a blessing because before PC I didn't have any close friends who understood me.

[Trippin2.0]

Twisted Angel

There's no place for shame on this board Please feel free to discuss anything and everything as long as you are mindful of using the trigger icon for sensitive topics such as self injury and suicide

We are very open here with eachother, we share everything, the good the bad and the ugly, everything that we're "not allowed to" share irl

I'm sorry that people judge you so harshly, I can only imagine what that must be like on the scale you're dealing with.

I don't know why people are so retardedly judgemental, it reveals more about them than you though. Maybe they're insecure, idk....

Its definitly not the same, but I remember how heartbroken I was as a teenager when a friend refused to introduce me to her crush because she was scared he'd like me instead... Like I would even "go there" knowing she likes him...

Your life situation is probably like that on Incredible Hulk level steroids, I wish I could give you a hug and go for coffee with you. Its not fair to be ostracized on such superficial merits. Your personality and your "spirit" should count more than your job title.

People are dumb most of the time, its sad.

My closest friends I've made here too, I hope you stick around so that the same may happen for you. I'm really sorry that you've been treated so badly by people you called "friend"

[pink&grey]

People judge what they cannot understand. Unfortunately that means there's a whole lot of judging going on because we can only truly understand what we have actually lived. I'm so sorry you feel so down. Keep trying and keep on with the progress you have made. I'm struggling too as I keep working so hard, but keep having major mood issues. It sucks big time when you are putting in so much effort but still get knocked down. But we have to hope that if we keep trying it WILL get better. Focus on how far you have come, not how far you have to go, I guess.

I have no advice on friends. I'm pretty dang lonely myself. Virtual non-judgmental hugs!!!

[twisted_angel]

Originally Posted by pink&grey

People judge what they cannot understand. Unfortunately that means there's a whole lot of judging going on because we can only truly understand what we have actually lived. I'm so sorry you feel so down. Keep trying and keep on with the progress you have made. I'm struggling too as I keep working so hard, but keep having major mood issues. It sucks big time when you are putting in so much effort but still get knocked down. But we have to hope that if we keep trying it WILL get better. Focus on how far you have come, not how far you have to go, I guess.

I have no advice on friends. I'm pretty dang lonely myself. Virtual non-judgmental hugs!!!

That is so true! We can only truly understand what we have actually lived. That is a new motto I am going to remember You are so smart! And I like how you say to focus on how far I have come instead of how far I have to go! Thank you so much for the positive advice! It is so nice to finally be able to open up completely about myself for the first time about everything and not be judged! I always tell people bits and pieces about my life or my struggles and was terrified to make this post and finally let it ALL out (I am new here) but I am so grateful and amazed at the positive feedback. I can't thank you enough for accepting me! Thank you!

[lil_better_everyday]

As a recovering alcoholic with BPII, I feel much of your pain. I can't help you with the friends thing, as almost all of my friends I've known since high school or are from forced situations (the military), the one time I was truly alone was college, where i struggled to make connections with people too and moved back after a year. The people around here are super supportive and many also understand what your going through. Are you doing AA or anything? If you find the 12-steps to be as balls as I did, check out SMART Recovery. Even if you do AA they can work together. Can't have too many tools in the sobriety toolbox. It's secular and science based. If you are near a major metropolitan area they likely have face to face meetings, and if not they have daily online meetings. I'm taking training next month to start group around where I live. Pm any questions you have.

Stay strong, listen to the good people here, listen your doc(s) and never give up!