[Lab_Rat]

I feel like I am whoever my meds create. If I don't get a good mood stabilizer then I am a rager. Too much Xanax, then I'm too chill. No meds and I'm a sad suicidal puddle. Who am I really? When I'm raging, I hate everything. On the right meds, those things aren't so bad. I feel like a robot who operates on whatever program is inserted. Dance, Monkey, Dance. Lol.

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I hear you! I have to be on meds. Otherwise, I'd be dead. My pdoc said that I will need to be on meds for the rest of my life. I accept that fact although I wish otherwise, of course.

That said - I draw the line with being overly sedated. I *hate* that feeling. I'll tolerate it for a couple of weeks if it is adjusting to starting the med...but if it is ongoing sedation all day long, I find it horrible.

I also hate weight-gaining meds. I gained 40 lbs on Lithium several years ago. However, it pulled me out of a really bad place so I would take it again if I had to. But ongoing sedation and weight-gaining meds are what I hate the most.

Besides those two side effects, I'm game. lol My pdoc is great and we work together, so to speak. I have input on what I am going to take, etc.

Take care. x

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Lab_Rat

I feel like I am whoever my meds create. If I don't get a good mood stabilizer then I am a rager. Too much Xanax, then I'm too chill. No meds and I'm a sad suicidal puddle. Who am I really? When I'm raging, I hate everything. On the right meds, those things aren't so bad. I feel like a robot who operates on whatever program is inserted. Dance, Monkey, Dance. Lol.

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I switched from alternative music to electronic dance music because of a med switch. God only knows what else they do impossible for me to tell what is the med and what is the disease.

[jojomarie34]

I totally understand, as I have just recently been diagnosed with bipolar 1, PTSD, general anxiety disorder, and severe depression! I too, feel stuck when it comes to taking medications. I don't want to be someone who is only feeling better because I'm on medications!