[Debi54]

So I've told you all that my boyfriend has cancer, and is not doing so well. We run from doctor to doctor, which is stressful enough. But on top of all that, the Social Security Administration has decided that my son's father is no longer disabled, so my son's check is stopping this month-this will be his last check. This was what we paid our bills with. Mine paid the rent, and his paid the bills. I tried (in vain) to get a job, and now I have no car to get to one if I could work. So I'm having to give up our home that I am so proud of and (finally) so happy in. We have lived here for 6 years, which in the broad scope of things is not a long time, but for me, it is. This was the first place in years that FELT like home, I did a lot of work on it, and now I'm moving back in with my boyfriend. I know it's probably a good move, he'll need me and my son more now than ever, but I had finally established my independence, and am loathe to give that up. And I hate leaving this place. I hate giving up my little bit of time alone that I get. That's really selfish, isn't it? I know right now I shouldn't be thinking about things like that, but I can't help it. I'm scared I'm going to go into a depression and be completely useless, and I can't let that happen. It's just that I'm almost 44, and have very seldom lived completely on my own, and was so proud that I was finally able to. And I hadn't planned on moving again, so packing up is going to be a nightmare. Worst of all, my bf is technology challenged, or more to the point, he doesn't like it, so he's always criticizing computers, cell phones, etc. I plan on keeping those things. I'm not a wizard at it, but I can run a computer, and I of course have a cell. We used to live together before and it ended in disaster, all 3 times. We have grown as a couple in that time, and he is not the same as back then, doesn't deal with me the same way (I guess he learned a little about bipolar along the way) but I am still scared. And now I am scared because I know he will eventually die. And my family, the ones still speaking to me, all dislike him immensely and won't be happy when they find out. I see it as the best solution all the way around. Am I doing the right thing?

[EBD8]

There is nothing wrong about being upset over losing your independence. I lost mine for over 8 years and the thought of someone having complete control over me was scary. I am sorry for all you've been through and are about to go through. The only advice I can give is for you to see this is a temporary solution. Not that you should make plans for leaving your boyfriend. If you want to make a life with him then give it your best even though the future for him is uncertain. Hopefully he can see the need for you to make preparations if he does not survive. ( I hate saying that) I think your family is just scared for you. Anytime mine got upset with me it was because they wanted what was best for me and unless they are offering help, it's not their business and unconditional help is the best. The only time I've have failed is because I became stuck, overwhelmed with fear and afraid to make a decision. Ask a trusted friend for advice. I often times think I'm really smart cause I'm BP, but I remember a quote from one of my favorite movies, LOTR, Gandolf "Even the very wisest cannot see all ends" Hope you keep us updated.

[faerie_moon_x]

Don't feel guilty about feeling upset. Losing a home is terrible. I know because it's happened to me before.

I hope things go better with living with your boyfriend this time. Don't let him take away your freedoms like your phone and your comptuer. He doesn't have to use them if he doesn't like them, but that doesn't mean he should make everyone live under his laws.

Hang in there. I hope your move goes smoothly.

[intergalactictraveler]

Debi, though I have severe treatment resistant bipolar and in a marriage that's going south, your situation is far worse and much more stressful. After my mom died from cancer, my dad, with whom I was living, said to me, "If you can't run on eight cylinders, run on four. If you can't run on six cylinders, run on three, but just keep moving forward." He was a World War II combat veteran that left him with psychiatric problems, so he understood. Do what you can and make every effort to try to keep a handle on it. Call on every resource available; friends, social workers, psychiatrist/psychologist, self help groups, prayer, if you're religious. You need to survive. Regarding Social Security, find a lawyer or go to Legal Aid to fight for your boyfriend. Don't let them get away with what they're doing. I know you're weary and disheartened, but if you quit, you lose everything you and your boyfriend have worked hard to gain.

[Debi54]

[QUOTE=intergalactictraveler;3107911]Debi, though I have severe treatment resistant bipolar and in a marriage that's going south, your situation is far worse and much more stressful. After my mom died from cancer, my dad, with whom I was living, said to me, "If you can't run on eight cylinders, run on four. If you can't run on six cylinders, run on three, but just keep moving forward." He was a World War II combat veteran that left him with psychiatric problems, so he understood. Do what you can and make every effort to try to keep a handle on it. Call on every resource available; friends, social workers, psychiatrist/psychologist, self help groups, prayer, if you're religious. You need to survive. Regarding Social Security, find a lawyer or go to Legal Aid to fight for your boyfriend. Don't let them get away with what they're doing. I know you're weary and disheartened, but if you quit, you lose everything you and your boyfriend have work
You are absolutely right. And it is against my nature to quit. I also have treatment resistant bipolar, the meds that I'm on are about as good as I'm ever going to get, I believe. I've been on so many, I've lost count, ans so many side effects, I won't let them try anything else. We're doing all we can to get into the system and get him insurance help, and find out exactly what is going on. Today he has his biopsy, so maybe after today we'll get some answers.

[intergalactictraveler]

[quote=Debi54;3113187]

Originally Posted by intergalactictraveler

Debi, though I have severe treatment resistant bipolar and in a marriage that's going south, your situation is far worse and much more stressful. After my mom died from cancer, my dad, with whom I was living, said to me, "If you can't run on eight cylinders, run on four. If you can't run on six cylinders, run on three, but just keep moving forward." He was a World War II combat veteran that left him with psychiatric problems, so he understood. Do what you can and make every effort to try to keep a handle on it. Call on every resource available; friends, social workers, psychiatrist/psychologist, self help groups, prayer, if you're religious. You need to survive. Regarding Social Security, find a lawyer or go to Legal Aid to fight for your boyfriend. Don't let them get away with what they're doing. I know you're weary and disheartened, but if you quit, you lose everything you and your boyfriend have work
You are absolutely right. And it is against my nature to quit. I also have treatment resistant bipolar, the meds that I'm on are about as good as I'm ever going to get, I believe. I've been on so many, I've lost count, ans so many side effects, I won't let them try anything else. We're doing all we can to get into the system and get him insurance help, and find out exactly what is going on. Today he has his biopsy, so maybe after today we'll get some answers.