[Secretum]

I was fine a week ago, good even, while living with my parents. Now I am living on my own, in a city where I have no close friends. I had a good friend who I thought was going to live here for the next year, but she lost her job and had to leave the state. I care very deeply for this friend; I love her very intensely. I asked her out on dates twice two semesters ago, and got rejected both times. I still love her, want no one but her...

Anyway, hearing that she had to go was quite a shock. And to make things worse, I had dinner plans with another friend tonight, but he had to cancel because he is in another city visiting his parents.

I just feel so alone, and I hate it! I feel like God hates me. He's trying to make my life miserable. He gave me bipolar, He took my friends away (before my symptoms started, I had no trouble making friends), He's the reason why I'm single and miserable. I'm so angry at God and the universe.

I just want to be done. I've had enough; I've felt enough pain. I'm ready for another life, a life where I don't have to deal with depression, where I can make friends just by talking to people (like everybody else), where I can love someone who feels the same way about me.

I've been feeling sui on and off since last night. I don't think I'm going to act on it. I'm too damn cowardly.

I just want life to stop being so hard for a few seconds. And I want friends. I'm a good friend; I really cherish and enjoy other people. So why is it that I'm the one who is always alone?

[middlepath]

I understand your suffering. I want so badly to be loved and to give that love in return in the form of friendship. It is disheartening when it seems out of reach and impossible. Furthermore, it is frustrating when it seems so easy for others. Just know you are not alone in feeling lonely.

[BlueInanna]

Awe (((((S))))) You do deserve friends and you are so smart and beautiful to which you are oblivious! . People you meet probably have no immediate clue about our social fears and insecurities. Maybe you should try online for dates romantic or friendship in your area. You're such a catch sweetie - any person meeting up with you is likely to be just as if not more nervous than you would be. Don't want to see you so lonely.

[Mr. Radio]

The times and circumstances have got you down. I know that pain. It's hard for me to talk and make friends too. God took away my ability to speak well when I went through psychosis. I've dealt with depression and its not fun. For me I just wanted to curl up in a ball and watch TV. I want to start over too and not be bogged down with mental problems.

Life goes on, people move on. Things can't stay bad forever, it would disrupt the circle of everything. What has been helping me recently is listening to music (angry rock music).

I've been alone as far as relationships have been going. It's hard for me to form a friendship when I am quiet and don't have much to say. I hope things get better for you and that you find happiness in what you do. Good luck

[~Christina]

(((( Secretum )))))

My heart breaks for you. You do deserve love. Please hang in there. You are loved !

[LadyShadow]

Oh girl! I know for a fact you are a talented writer and have such potential. Those people out there don't know what they're missing!

You are loved here ((((Secretum)))))

[Secretum]

Thanks for all the responses, everyone. I'm feeling a bit better today. I hope that it lasts.