[dubblemonkey]

violence!

it hit me so hard today

I usually get a chance to let it go to express it...!

that chance has been taken away from me...

not because I don't experience it...

but because I have evolved!

I used to be quite dangerous.
those that loved me feared me.
those that hated me knew exactly why

they are beginning the endearment process again ...like they had automatically before I went bad.

being bad is very over-rated like a bad mood over-stated...easily done why make those that love you run?

I'm never fully recovered from this abysmal affliction of mood swings in the extreme BUT I'm in the pre-school for emotional delinquents!

like today for example I was a murderer in the traffic and then I imagined every other driver was ME!

...and did I want to MEET me...!...in a crapass! mood?...and I went further and incorporated the concept...

"oh CRAP I just cut myself off!"...

..."that was ME that just looked at me funny like THEY (me) got some other **** on their mind!"

..."I'M in my own freaking way at the fuKNG supermarket!!"...I want something more than I do!"

I will beat the SHT! out of myself if I crash into my own car with my car too!"

sounds nutso?...right?

but the point is ..(and I found this out by self disdain!)

MAYBE??...everybody is freaking struggling?

even the assssholes...and we are sorta' in a cool position in life...cos??

there is a good chance I know what you don't know what I am going through...and likewise...

[Nessa213]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

* being bad is very over-rated like a bad mood over-stated...easily done why make those that love you run?

* MAYBE??...everybody is freaking struggling?

First, I just wanted to say that that first part is worded amazingly. Almost to the point I read it about 5 times and had trouble reading the rest of the post.

And that second part... I think everyone fights their own demons. For me personally it's like demons on top of demons.

[dubblemonkey]

Originally Posted by Nessa213

First, I just wanted to say that that first part is worded amazingly. Almost to the point I read it about 5 times and had trouble reading the rest of the post.
.

well I understand too now you made me read it again too.

there are lines in life that are there every day to cross them or not to make others watch us cross them because they were on the other side?

you helped me arrive at my original topic.

it's no wonder I have nightmares and unfinished business even with the dead when it might have been me!

mental illness is complete with me I certainly am bipolar and borderline!
there is no advantage anymore in owning the disability without personal intervention!

I have exhausted all my evident insecurities regardless of this mental dis-figurement!...I have been hostage to my own poor development...

I have been captive and captivated by the frivolous opportunities of the feeble minded self indulgent self pitied fool ...

this last will not bide well I expect and neither does it with me I am compelled to arrive elsewhere because the only alternative is death!

...and if I am even slightly unimpressed with myself?...then the sensitivity to my confidence can cost me my life...

so it's a very delicate thing to even consider being honest...

and the only thing that's worse than telling lies??

is not knowing what the FUK?...the truth is?

and that's what it's like most of the time for me