Went out again today

Went to a keg on a boat party. My buddy holds it every year. Saw some old friends who haven't seen me since before the break. They were kind of shocked of how I was. I hate that feeling of being less that I was before. I know I'll get back. I just hate presenting myself the way I am now. I lose out on so many opportunities. By that I mean extra curricular activities if you know what I mean lol .

I am getting out and I had a moment of my old self today. Made a dude serve a 2 minute penalty in the lake for spilling his beer. I felt funny lol. I think I'm talking more.... THis process is annoying. I WANT TO BE BACK INTO ACTION AND BE THE GOD DAMN MAN THAT I'M USE TO BEING.

People on here show great support.

Mr. Radio, I can completely understand how you feel. I hide away just because I don't want everyone to see what I've become vs. who I used to be.

One thing I try to tell myself... all of these experiences - no matter how we feel now - are only shaping us up to be 3 times the person we started out as. We'll be stronger, quicker, faster, better. Hang in there and I'm glad to hear you are having some fun!

Hell yea, that's some great motivation that you typed up on the internet lol.
I keep feeling like once I come back.......... It's going to be a whole new ball game. Get ready for a game changer.... In the mean time. Down on intermission lol

Otoh, we have the technology to completely remake you. No wait that's the 6 million dollar man. A couple of times I've gotten my hair cut really short and people didn't recognize me. It was very freeing. How often do you get to choose a new you, a different focus? I realize that you were perfect just as you were, but now hey you get to do it all over again. Like the chinese say, in the middle of chaos is opportunity.

I had a fortune cookie tell me something along the lines of "I have a great desire to be around family. How that relates to china, well it is a fortune cookie.... but it's hard to create a new and better social me when I CAN'T BE SOCIAL! lol or at least I'm poor at it. I am trying to reinvent myself. Good advice

I'm glad you went out and had a pretty good time Mr. Radio!

You haven't lost yourself though... you've just met a new side of yourself that you aren't quite as keen on. You'll learn how to accept this side of you eventually, and maybe you'll even learn to love it!

Like... there are definitely multiple sides in my personality. I usually have multiple groups of friends so that when I'm in certain energy/mood levels I've got people who I can spend time with who like that side of me. It took a long time... but I accept and love my depressed side because I appreciate myself so much more when I come out of that. It's really tough and miserable when I'm experiencing it, but I know that I'll come out stronger for it. I know that through experiencing that I've been able to help a lot of people, and it's taught me a lot. I wouldn't have a clue who I would be today if I hadn't experienced it so often.

Of course... when I'm feeling depressed and rather antisocial, I'm miserable and I hate it and I just want it to go away. But I accept that it's a part of me, and that I'm still ME no matter what - I never lose me, I just get to deal with a different side of me for awhile.

Learning how to be successful without being social. That is the question my friends