[pink&grey]

Recently on this forum I went off a bit about how I didn't have alcohol problem and was def just bipolar. I said that getting on meds released me from the overwhelming desire to drink. And they did, for awhile. Now I'm eating crow. I'm doing much better on my lamictal then I ever really have in my adult life. And where I used to drink every day, I'm down to one or two times a week. But the deal is that I am compelled to drink on those days. Absolutely compelled. Despite being as stable as I've ever been, some days I can't help but drink. And no it's not a glass of wine...more like a bottle. Anyone have this experience? Advice?

I realize there is a forum for addiction and will go there. First just surveying this group.

[faerie_moon_x]

No advice, but I wish you good luck on dealing with your addiction, pink&grey. No need to apologize. Sometimes it's just harder to see when your mind is full of everything else.

[roads]

Hey there, pink&grey. I'm a bipolar alcoholic. Getting stable on the meds for the bipolar disorder did have a dramatic effect on my craving for alcohol initially, but after six months or so I noticed that that effect tapered off.
I'd already stopped drinking when the bipolar was diagnosed--till then I had been considered clinically depressed. Not drinking was a day to day struggle. At times, staying sober was sometimes an hourly battle.
Even after a decade and a half of sobriety, I was always on the verge of falling off the wagon. After knowing depression wasn't my problem (explaining why the treatment had never helped), and getting my brain chemistry better balanced with the right med cocktail, I did much better facing up to why I drank. I had to find a program and a support group that worked for me--and work it, stay with it.
I've been at PsychCentral for almost two yrs and am on the Addictions and Bipolar Forums a lot. I've made some good friends who now are part of my support network--at least one is around to keep me on the High Road when I'm having a hard time going it alone.
Kudos to you for recognizing and admitting that you got a bit carried away. It happens.
Roadie

[pink&grey]

Thanks, guys/gals. My pride is in the way. I see my pride, but damnit I just really don't want to admit I could be an alcoholic. I am my own pain in the ***. I just don't want to admit to or deal with any more problems!!!!!!! Or, as they would say in AA, I just don't want to give up the drink. You see there, I've been in AA before. I know what's up If you pray, pray for me. If you don't, send me some higher power vibes.

Thx!

[BipolaRNurse]

I think you're already in the 'wanting to want to' stop drinking phase of the disease. That's progress of a sort; be sure to celebrate it. (But NOT with a drink!!)

Like Roadie, I know how hard it is to battle a dual-diagnosis situation. I'm a recovering alcoholic with 21 1/2 years of sobriety behind me, as well as a fairly serious case of bipolar disorder that I never recognized during all the years I was self-medicating with ETOH.

In a way I'm glad I dealt with these problems a couple of decades apart, as both were total game-changers and it took me a long, long time to accept the fact that I had these diagnoses. Even now I'll look back to a more innocent time, like when I was in high school and there were so many high hopes for me, and wonder what the hell happened to that nice girl......how could she have gone so wrong? And then I realize that all of this was in me from the moment of conception, and that I never really had a chance---yet I've somehow managed to make something worthwhile out of my life, despite my lousy genetics and difficult upbringing.

You can, too. It's never too late until you take your last breath.

[MzSchell]

First of all, Kudos to you for having the strength to post that. I am in the same boat: bipolar and alcoholic...

WOW.. that is the first time I've actually said or written it.

I refuse to admit to anyone that I have to deal with both of these and I always tell myself "no drinking during the week. I can imbibe on the weekends, it's okay than."

Guess what? It's Monday and I stopped by the store on the way home.... again...

It feels very over-bearing - it's like which one do I deal with first? HOW do I deal with them? And HOW did I end up like this? I, too, have been to AA and while I seemed to get something out of it at first, it grew annoying to me. I hope we can both find a will and a way....

[Dylanzmama]

I'm in the same bipolar/alcoholic boat. Got sober in Jan '99 and spent almost 12 years in AA. Since my manic episode in 2010, when I got my bipolar diagnosis, haven't been able to relate in AA. Time to deal w/bipolar now. Same thing you're doing now, just in reverse.
It takes a lot to face any kind of addiction, I wish you lots of luck.
There are a LOT of us in the dual-diagnosis situation!

[venusss]

I don't like the "drinking is self-medicating and meds will make you not drink" reasoning. Not all drinking is self-medicating. Meds will not take away the other reasons we drink (social interaction. Boredom. Plain habit). Ya need to take care of these too.

[BipolaRNurse]

True that. Meds don't fix everything, and anyway I'd dealt with my ETOH problem long before I started on meds for my bipolar. I do know however, that I no longer self-medicate with food either.....that urge has disappeared along with most of my other cravings after 35 years of battling compulsive eating. Who knows??