[Wham6429]

Hi!

I found this online years ago. I like it, but I was wondering what you think of it?

Understand that you will never really understand what is going on in my mind, because I rarely understand it myself.
Know that when I say "There's nothing you can do to help," it means it's the time when I need you the most.
Accept when I say I can't, even if I could the day before.
Respect my boundaries. If I say I am bothered by having people stand behind me, take my word for it. Don't test me.
Do not challenge my diagnosis, just because I don't act like somebody's great-aunt who had bipolar. Everybody's symptoms are their own.
I will joke about my disorder. I will make wisecracks about being Froot Loops or taking vacations at the mental hospital. Please don't do so yourself. This is my right, my defense mechanism, that I will allow you to share in time, but only you. Do not joke about it to your friends.
Know that this isn't your fault. This isn't my fault either. I didn't ask for this and can't just flip a switch for happy thoughts. Be there anyway.
Please hold me when I'm scared but don't know why. Don't ask questions -- just be emotionally available to listen.
Please forgive me when I verbally attack you, because the guilt that is felt afterward is absolutely horrible and I never really intend to hurt you in any way. The guilt is sometimes punishment itself.
Please don't expect me to do well every day if I happen to have one or two good days. This is a blessing in itself.
Love me for me. I cannot help it that I am the way I am. I am trying everything I possibly can to make myself feel better. Please do not think less of me.
Finally and most importantly, always remember that I love you. Please love me, for that's the only way we will get through this together. Alone is so much harder.

[ultramar]

Maybe I'll get slammed for this, I know it's supposed to be validating/inspiring, but that's not how it made me feel. I'm hearing, 'I'm special/different, treat me with care/be careful with me, do this, don't do that.' It's just not how I'd present my illness to loved ones.

I might add, "I screw up sometimes, I know you have your issues too and I will try to support you when you need it, as I hope you will support me, I have no right to mistreat you no matter what's going on with my illness, please don't walk on eggshells for me or be afraid to point out when I'm going overboard, please love me as I am, with all of my faults, and the wonderful parts of me too." And lastly, "I am not my illness, even when manic there is still at least a small part of me that is still 'me' -please try to hold on to this as I do, for dear life sometimes." Not the least eloquent, but it's part of the story.

[polesapart]

I would add.

Please listen when I need to talk, even though I know it is difficult when you feel like there is nothing you can do to help.

[~Christina]

Altho I think the sentiment is nice, I do not agree with it, at all.

Why should people have to react that way ???? How can someone expect others ????If I lash out and hurt someones feelings .... Its not ok , Bipolar is not a " go to excuse" it excuses nothing. Bipolar or not you are still responsible for your actions and any harm you do to anyone.
Yeah, I so do not agree with this, Sorry

[Eliza Jane]

I also think everyone's symptoms are so different that this list may fit okay for one person, but not at all for others.

For me, I just need my spouse to recognize when I'm all depressed (or whatever) it's not the real me and I'll be back to myself eventually.

EJ

I would add "it's okay to be scared for me but sometimes I need you to be strong and help me stay safe from myself."

[moremi]

I like the general idea of this. Some things I would word a little different but for the most part it sounds pretty accurate. I think that having bipolar in no way excuses us from verbal abuse but inevitably it does happen, atleast in my case it has several times. T
Hanks for posting this.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk 2

[Trippin2.0]

The premise is heartwarming, but I also have to respectfully disagree.

I don't want any "special" treatment, I want to be treated like everyone else. If I overstep boundaries, I want to be held accountable, which in turn motivates me to strive toward better coping strategies. I don't want my behaviour deemed acceptable just because I have a screw or 2 loose.

[cherry1435]

Originally Posted by polesapart

I would add.

Please listen when I need to talk, even though I know it is difficult when you feel like there is nothing you can do to help.

Perfect addition to the well written poem. May I add that listening when I need it includes those few times I am rambling and making no sense.....

Thanks for the post!

[faerie_moon_x]

Some of these are good, but some are not... I changed it...

The best way to understand what I'm going through is to educate yourself about my illness. If you need help finding good books or sites about this, ask me to help you. And perhaps join me at my doctor's appointments or therapist so when things aren't going well for me, you can be my support.

Sometimes the best way you can help me is to just listen and not give advice, but let me know you're there to talk to.

Accept when I say I can't, even if I could the day before, then offer to help me when I'm struggling.

Respect my boundaries. If I say I am bothered by having people stand behind me, ask me what you can do to help me and don't tease or judge me on something that might seem stranget to you.

Do not challenge my diagnosis, just because I don't act like somebody's great-aunt who had bipolar. Everybody's symptoms are their own.

I will joke about my disorder. I will make wisecracks about being Froot Loops or taking vacations at the mental hospital. Please don't do so yourself. This is my right, my defense mechanism, that I will allow you to share in time, but only you. Do not joke about it to your friends.

Know that this isn't your fault. This isn't my fault either. I didn't ask for this and can't just flip a switch for happy thoughts. Be there anyway.

Please hold me when I'm scared but don't know why. Don't ask questions -- just be emotionally available to listen.

I may struggle with anger, but that is no reason for me to be verbally abusive. If my anger turns into abuse, you have the right to walk out. No one deserves abuse, and my illness is not an excuse for it.

Please don't expect me to do well every day if I happen to have one or two good days. This is a blessing in itself.

Love me for me. I cannot help it that I am the way I am. I am trying everything I possibly can to make myself feel better. Please do not think less of me.

Finally and most importantly, always remember that I love you. Please love me, for that's the only way we will get through this together. Alone is so much harder.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Wham6429

Hi!

I found this online years ago. I like it, but I was wondering what you think of it?

Understand that you will never really understand what is going on in my mind, because I rarely understand it myself.
Know that when I say "There's nothing you can do to help," it means it's the time when I need you the most.
Accept when I say I can't, even if I could the day before.
Respect my boundaries. If I say I am bothered by having people stand behind me, take my word for it. Don't test me.
Do not challenge my diagnosis, just because I don't act like somebody's great-aunt who had bipolar. Everybody's symptoms are their own.
I will joke about my disorder. I will make wisecracks about being Froot Loops or taking vacations at the mental hospital. Please don't do so yourself. This is my right, my defense mechanism, that I will allow you to share in time, but only you. Do not joke about it to your friends.
Know that this isn't your fault. This isn't my fault either. I didn't ask for this and can't just flip a switch for happy thoughts. Be there anyway.
Please hold me when I'm scared but don't know why. Don't ask questions -- just be emotionally available to listen.
Please forgive me when I verbally attack you, because the guilt that is felt afterward is absolutely horrible and I never really intend to hurt you in any way. The guilt is sometimes punishment itself.
Please don't expect me to do well every day if I happen to have one or two good days. This is a blessing in itself.
Love me for me. I cannot help it that I am the way I am. I am trying everything I possibly can to make myself feel better. Please do not think less of me.
Finally and most importantly, always remember that I love you. Please love me, for that's the only way we will get through this together. Alone is so much harder.

The parts I liked the most:
"respect my boundaries....don't test me"
"do not challenge my diagnosis"
"I... just can't flip a switch for happy thoughts"

[ilanagrey]

About verbal attacks. I am so torn on this. This has been a problem for me. I have snapped at co-workers and other people when I've lost control and this has cost me relationships. My husband is understanding (and I always apologize). Most other people are not if I even dare tell them about the bipolar. I want to be responsible for my actions but how can I be responsible when I am out of control? It's like this monster takes control of me and ruins my life and I have to deal with it.

[shortandcute]

I do also agree that it is not ok to verbally abuse someone; I'm just saying that because I've been so verbally abusive to people, and while I'm grateful that they have forgiven me, I'm not so sure that I would forgive them as easily. I do agree with respecting boundaries, tho, and not challenging a person's Dx, and the part about just "flipping a switch." I don't want special treatment--I just want people to treat me the way they would want me to treat them.

p.s. I am not bipolar--but I do have borderline personality disorder. I have been extremely abusive to people. I've read a lot about this disorder and some of it is to families of BPD's. It is suggested that people be understanding, but to also set up boundaries---and not to be afraid to take some time out. Actually, I feel that it helps me when others put up boundaries with me. My family doesn't know that I have BPD, but some of my family members know that I have somethhing going on that I struggle with, and while they are very forgiving, they do set up boundaries with me--and that actually helps me keep myself in check.

[Wham6429]

Wow, I really appreciate the feedback!

While I do to agree with the fact I don't want to be treated different but sometimes I would get frustrated if someone were to for example, test a boundaries then question why I flip out... (depending on the circumstance of the boundary) my flipping out may seem unjustified if I were say a "normal" person.

I also do agree everyone is different and while this may pertain to some of us it may not to others.

Thanks to all that responded!

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Wham6429

Wow, I really appreciate the feedback!

While I do to agree with the fact I don't want to be treated different but sometimes I would get frustrated if someone were to for example, test a boundaries then question why I flip out... (depending on the circumstance of the boundary) my flipping out may seem unjustified if I were say a "normal" person.

I also do agree everyone is different and while this may pertain to some of us it may not to others.

Thanks to all that responded!

I understand what you mean. I've had people purposely try to provoke and/or challenge me, then get mad when I reacted.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

I do also agree that it is not ok to verbally abuse someone; I'm just saying that because I've been so verbally abusive to people, and while I'm grateful that they have forgiven me, I'm not so sure that I would forgive them as easily. I do agree with respecting boundaries, tho, and not challenging a person's Dx, and the part about just "flipping a switch." I don't want special treatment--I just want people to treat me the way they would want me to treat them.

p.s. I am not bipolar--but I do have borderline personality disorder. I have been extremely abusive to people. I've read a lot about this disorder and some of it is to families of BPD's. It is suggested that people be understanding, but to also set up boundaries---and not to be afraid to take some time out. Actually, I feel that it helps me when others put up boundaries with me. My family doesn't know that I have BPD, but some of my family members know that I have somethhing going on that I struggle with, and while they are very forgiving, they do set up boundaries with me--and that actually helps me keep myself in check.

I guess the best anyone can do is apologize (if possible), try to identify the trigger and work on coping mechanisms to avoid it in the future, and move on. It's natural to beat oneself up about such things, but the best thing you can do for friends and family is just try to do whatever possible to prevent it in the future. It may happen again, but then you try again to prevent it. You can only do the best you can, the important thing is to keep working on it.

[ultramar]

I would get frustrated if someone were to for example, test a boundaries then question why I flip out

I'm not sure what you mean by 'testing boundaries' here, can you explain?

If you mean someone intentionally pushing your buttons to get a rise out of you, of course that's wrong and that would be wrong whether you had bipolar disorder or not. At the same time, though, (if someone is not doing this intentionally) I don't think we can expect people to avoid anything and everything that might 'trigger' us. This is what I mean by 'walking on eggshells' -I would hate it if people felt that they had to be like this with me. I would hope that if someone upsets me, I'd be able to tell them and why and hopefully work it out. Or if I'm just not able at the time (i.e. manic, etc.) then discuss it once I'm well. I don't feel comfortable telling people *do not* do or say x with/to me. Although the best of intentions may be behind it and it may be a way of protecting oneself, it feels somewhat controlling to me. I know I wouldn't want someone else telling me what I can and cannot say to them, that's not how relationships work with me. You may be referring to something entirely different, though...

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

I understand what you mean. I've had people purposely try to provoke and/or challenge me, then get mad when I reacted.

Sometimes it's difficult to know what other's intentions are, though. Jumping to this conclusion can cause a whole world of trouble. Our reactions are our own, after all, no one can literally make you react a certain way. Not saying it's easy, though.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by ultramar

Sometimes it's difficult to know what other's intentions are, though. Jumping to this conclusion can cause a whole world of trouble. Our reactions are our own, after all, no one can literally make you react a certain way. Not saying it's easy, though.

Well, they were mostly people in my family--and I knew they were trying to provoke me. It wasnt just like a misunderstanding--some examples of what I mean:
I lived with my sister and her husband for my last couple years of high school.
1) when ever the three of us went someplace, my brother in law would LOUDLY start making fun of me, telling me how fat I was (when I wasn't)
2)He would going around calling me stupid
3)When I started dating my first husband, my BIL would carry on to him about how fat I was, what a slob (he thought) I was, what a trouble maker I was, etc
4. my sister would talk to me like i was a 2 year old--with the baby talk and all--around my then boyfriend, and then turn around and flirt with him
5. when other people were around, my BIL would start screaming at me and accusing of things he knew I didn't do, and if I said anything, I was "rebellious"
6. they were both accusing me of stuff I didn't do, and it was always the same as above: if I stood up for myself, I was "lying" and I was "rebellious"
Shall I go on?

This released a lot of emotions in me. Thank you! I somewhat agree with Ultramar, but I still really liked this.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Altho I think the sentiment is nice, I do not agree with it, at all.

Why should people have to react that way ???? How can someone expect others ????If I lash out and hurt someones feelings .... Its not ok , Bipolar is not a " go to excuse" it excuses nothing. Bipolar or not you are still responsible for your actions and any harm you do to anyone.
Yeah, I so do not agree with this, Sorry

I agree with what you say here, but I think either I must have misinterpreted the text a little, or it is possible he/she didn't mean that bipolar is an excuse (but should probably have pointed that out as the text was sort of ambiguous).

[~Christina]

I am not certain how the OP intended it. What I had issues with were that to me ( just me this is MY opinion)

Maybe the OP did just want to post something nice to help others realize in an ideal world Bipolar would be seen as a illness that requires special kindness or treatment by others..

I read the post and responded with my opinion. I do not subscribe to that thought process never have and never will . I do not want special treatment nor do I think anyone in my life has to just remember I have Bipolar and they need to be nicer if I am having a bump in the road.

This is just MY opinion and how I live my life

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I read the post and responded with my opinion. I do not subscribe to that thought process never have and never will . I do not want special treatment nor do I think anyone in my life has to just remember I have Bipolar and they need to be nicer if I am having a bump in the road.

This is just MY opinion and how I live my life

Sorry if I was rude, I didn't mean to be. I think I pretty much agree with you, I don't want special treatment. But I am happy when someone finds it in their heart to afford me some when I mess up (again & again).

[~Christina]

NO no no .. you were not rude , not at all

I think the reason I feel the way I do is pretty simple .... I have had to walk on eggshells around some people that use to be in my life and it was very unhealthy for me. I don't want anyone that are around me to feel they need to do that for me. I guess these are boundaries I set for myself, This keeps me accountable for taking care of myself and keep working on the coping skills and all the other tools I use.