[MixedEp]

Hi. I recently starting spiraling into what I believe to be bipolar psychosis, and now I'm getting medicine straightened out. I'm having a really hard time because some days I can function, and everyone in my family as well as my doctors underestimate how sick I am. Other days I can't even get up the will to live and sleep my entire day away (the medicine doesn't help because it makes me even drowsier). I'm confused and sometimes paranoid and extreme in my thinking. During those times it is really hard to talk myself through because trying to be logical only seems to make it worse. I've been like this for two months now, and as I am a high achiever, this is making me even more depressed. Any advice for how to keep my will to live during these times? I feel like a guinea pig with the meds, and I don't know when I will feel stable and safe again. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, and I think I'm just hanging in there for the sake of everyone around me.

[sugahorse1]

Your doctor will know better than to assume you are ok after just a few days of feeling leveled out. You are in control of your treatment. Get hold of your pdoc daily if you can and give him feedback.
Unfortunately we do also need to give these meds time to work, so please be patient. Can you spend time with an animal to distract you? That helps me. Or engage in something else you are passionate about

[Dylanzmama]

This probably isn't a popular thought...but if you need to stay alive for the others around you...stay alive for those around you for now. You don't need the will to live in order to live.
There will come a time when you're grateful you stuck around. Med adjustments/manic psychosis etc. takes a long time to deal with. Which makes things so much harder for overachievers! Hang in there!

[polesapart]

I agree with what Dylanzmama has said. Use anything that helps you keep living, if that's other people so be it. It can get better, even if it doesn't feel like it now. It just takes some time.

Also if you feel like your doctors are underestimating how sick you are, try and find a way to tell them. Maybe you could write down how you feel down and give it to them?

Please keep fighting.

[A Red Panda]

I, even now, when I'm in a fairly stable situation... can't say with total accuracy that I'm alive because I have a strong will to live.

I'm alive because I set myself various goals and rules that I have to accomplish and follow first. I just happen to have picked myself out some rather intensive goals (currently, I ran out of really productive ones so I'm going with "You don't think life is worth it? Well, you haven't experienced any way of what life is like in all the other countries in the world. So, you're just going to have to go and get a glimpse of EVERYWHERE before you can decide that it's alright to off yourself."

I wish myself luck in accomplishing this goal. And I wish myself a lot of money.

That goal, because I am honestly curious and stubborn enough to work towards accomplishing it, will keep me going through all my depressions. More so than the thought of my nieces and students, whom are also strong motivators for me.

I'd say, if you need something to keep going right now? Inform yourself that you're NOT going to stay the guinea pig in the meds-experiment. You are going to become SUPER guinea-pig who gets through the meds-experiment and ends up as a super-strong one. Go go super power fantasy! And then once you get through the med-debacle... hopefully then you will stable out more.

Just make sure you tell your pdoc EVERYTHING. I think most all of us are reallllllly good pretenders when it comes to our true emotions and thoughts, so make sure you force yourself into honesty. Good luck!!!!!