[Resident Bipolar]

As some of you may know, I recently had to resign from my job due to a relapse of my Bipolar Disorder and I am currently going through the long process of applying for benefits (namely Employment and Support Allowance). Due to this, I only have about £60 income per week and this has to cover rent, food, phone bill, credit card payments and medication.

For now I am having to live mostly off my credit card - just for food and life essentials and due to this I am in nearly £500 of arrears. I have a wonderful camera which cost me a total of £800 including kit but now I'm going to have to sell it for just under £500 just to afford some clothes and to pay off my credit card.

I am SO fed up of these constant relapses. I would have thought that, being known by the services for more than 4 years, they'd have found a way to make me able to function better and remain stable long enough to hold down a job for more than a few months!

Today I've collected by first prescription for Sertraline (switching from Citalopram today) when I've been on it before and it wasn't effective! Apparently I'm in consideration for Lithium but I can't be given that due to my suicidal behaviours so I have to wait until I'm more stable to go on a mood stabilizer! Catch 22 alert!

It's a real shame because photography was one of those hobbies that made me happy. It was such a therapeutic activity for me and now I have to part with it just to afford to live

Here's some of my photos, just to be sentimental (obviously a lot of them I can't post because I don't have the permission of the people in them, aside for one):





















I shrunk the pictures down and lowered the quality so hopefully they won't take too long to load!
RB

[Dylanzmama]

You're a very talented photographer and I'm so sorry you had to sell your camera.
Hopefully you can find an outlet to take it's place. My husband and I had to sell our wedding rings when I got out of the hospital.
This can be a costly M.I.

[Nessa213]

I'm so sorry to hear that, you are very talented.

At the very least I hope that it helps make your finances a bit easier while you wait for approval for benefits. Do you have a smaller camera perhaps (or a cell phone/camera)? It might not have all the functionality, but it could still be an outlet for you.

[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

As some of you may know, I recently had to resign from my job due to a relapse of my Bipolar Disorder and I am currently going through the long process of applying for benefits (namely Employment and Support Allowance). Due to this, I only have about £60 income per week and this has to cover rent, food, phone bill, credit card payments and medication.

For now I am having to live mostly off my credit card - just for food and life essentials and due to this I am in nearly £500 of arrears. I have a wonderful camera which cost me a total of £800 including kit but now I'm going to have to sell it for just under £500 just to afford some clothes and to pay off my credit card.

I am SO fed up of these constant relapses. I would have thought that, being known by the services for more than 4 years, they'd have found a way to make me able to function better and remain stable long enough to hold down a job for more than a few months!

Today I've collected by first prescription for Sertraline (switching from Citalopram today) when I've been on it before and it wasn't effective! Apparently I'm in consideration for Lithium but I can't be given that due to my suicidal behaviours so I have to wait until I'm more stable to go on a mood stabilizer! Catch 22 alert!

It's a real shame because photography was one of those hobbies that made me happy. It was such a therapeutic activity for me and now I have to part with it just to afford to live

Here's some of my photos, just to be sentimental (obviously a lot of them I can't post because I don't have the permission of the people in them, aside for one):





















I shrunk the pictures down and lowered the quality so hopefully they won't take too long to load!
RB

I'm also sorry you had to sell your camera. Have you tried sketching? You can practice with pencils and pens you already have and just regular computer paper, using some of your awesome photos as references.

[faerie_moon_x]

You are a fantastic photographer! Beautiful pics!

I'm sorry you had to sell your camera. I've had to sell a lot of precious things over the years and I understand how hard it is. I hope this is a temporary setback and you are able to get a new camera in the future that you will enjoy just as much.

[Resident Bipolar]

Thank you everyone for the comments. I honestly don't feel a though the shots were that good, my best seem to be with subjects as there's more you can do with lighting, composition, poses, makeup etc.

I was really hoping to take my camera on holiday with me in October (dad paid for a holiday for me to try and provide some respite from home) to get some lovely mountain shots but that isn't going to happen now

You know, I really just want to give up. Just let the debts spiral out of control and run away to another country until I run out of money. Yet I find myself trying and trying and I can't stop worrying about whether or not I will get benefit payment (it's notoriously difficult for people with mental illness to be given this benefit due to the medical assessment being mainly physical based).

RB

I'm sorry that you had to sell your camera

I got ESA first attempt for my mental health so don't worry so much: it does happen!

Also look into applying for a HC2 certificate to cover medication costs, dentists and opticians until the ESA kicks in. You can get a HC1 form (HC2 is full help with health costs) from your GP, chemist, opticians like Specsavers and NHS dentists. Then if you get income-related ESA you are automatically entitled to full help for NHS costs.

All the best,

*Willow*

[Wham6429]

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

Thank you everyone for the comments. I honestly don't feel a though the shots were that good, my best seem to be with subjects as there's more you can do with lighting, composition, poses, makeup etc.

I was really hoping to take my camera on holiday with me in October (dad paid for a holiday for me to try and provide some respite from home) to get some lovely mountain shots but that isn't going to happen now

You know, I really just want to give up. Just let the debts spiral out of control and run away to another country until I run out of money. Yet I find myself trying and trying and I can't stop worrying about whether or not I will get benefit payment (it's notoriously difficult for people with mental illness to be given this benefit due to the medical assessment being mainly physical based).

RB

I too am sorry you have to go through this. I know the feeling. But one thing my T told me is "where ever you go, there you are." Just reminds me no matter how far I want to run my problems will gladly travel with me. Also just think, as much as this sucks... you are resilient, you will bounce back... again!

[Victoria'smom]

if you do get benefits does it go back to the time that you applied. is that possible way that you can buy a camera not as good but decent one when you do get benefits. I think it's actually more important for you to have a camera for your well being then to pay off those credit cards when you get benefits. I'm sorry you're in this situation and I know how much it sucks.do your parents know that you had to sell your camera?maybe you can find someone that will let you borrow that camera I know it has to be really good friends and so on so that you can take it on your trip?

again I am so so sorry, I know how much those things mean and how horrible it is to have to give them up. I hope you can find a solution so you can enjoy your trip.

[polesapart]

I'm really sorry you've had to sell your camera gear. I love photography as well, and would hate to have to give it up, particularly when you're about to go on a trip.

Are you able to borrow a camera from a friend, or someone in your family for the trip?

Nice pics, RB! I'm sorry you're finding yourself having to sell your camera.
We've had to sell, otherwise jettison, and decimate soooo much (over the past 2 years especially) -- you've got our empathy for sure!

Do you have your pictures loaded into your computer? And have any kind of image manipulation program (PS, Picasa, whatever)? It could allow you to do a lot of the creative aspects --playing with lighting, composition etc --that you enjoy, even without the camera. Personally, I can get lost in it for hours on end. Even taking pictures that are truly crap (What? You mean there was a setting for night shots?! ) and playing with effects simply to get a great visual, and not even care if it would be recognizable from the original. In other words, even besides the obvious of tweaking pictures to maximize the image quality, using the programs to just play for the sake of playing. And making interesting images, of course! They don't have to bear the least resemblance to what they started out as. Or. They can. Your choice!

Just an idea, anyway. I find it pretty therapeutic simply from being so engaged with the process and making visual decisions.

[Anneinside]

Ask your doctor about lithium again. It makes no sense that you couldn't go on lithium because you are suicidal because lithium is known to decreased suicidal thoughts/intents.