[comicgeek007]

So I keep getting thoughts out of nowhere that someone poisoned my meds. I have no proof, but I feel like I just know it. Because I have no proof, I'm trying to ignore the thoughts.

But everyone gets moments like this, right?

[kaliope]

yes, it is just a normal paranoia that comes along with the illness. we are so adverse to taking our meds that we come up with many reasons not to. just a random thought. let it pass thru your mind as it comes up. your meds are there to help.

[comicgeek007]

Okay, thanks.

[comicgeek007]

On the same note, what if I keep thinking that my boyfriend has had enough of me and has blocked my texts every time it takes more than ten minutes for a response? I've never felt like this before about him and I'm sure I'm driving him nuts.

[Victoria'smom]

When do you see your t next? See if your boyfriend can set up an automatic message that say he loves you and will text when he can.

[Nessa213]

Yes, I do this ALL the time with my husband. Its awful if I call him and his phone only rings a few times and then goes to voice mail. I try not to, but I always accuse him of ignoring me when that happens.

And that drives me nuts. Sometimes i hate texts. But i feel that way about every one i send

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As a spouse often on the receiving end of this kind of behavior, please try not to do this to your faithful, loving, partners. It is tiresome and a bit infuriating to have to be the recipient of uncalled for doubt and have to be the source of constant reassuance.

You are so right 1914. It destroyed my last relationship

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[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

When do you see your t next? See if your boyfriend can set up an automatic message that say he loves you and will text when he can.

I see my t tomorrow. I talked it out with him and he promised to get back to me as soon as he can and I'm gonna stop asking if he's still there. this is getting out of hand.

As for the auto message thing, he doesn't even know how to set up his voicemail.

[ultramar]

It could be any number of things. My non-medical-doctor-opinion-have-just-done-a-lot-of-research is that if the suspiciousness regarding your boyfriend and thoughts about meds were bipolar-related, then all of this would occur as part of a constellation of bipolar symptoms, presumably hypo/mania, lack of sleep with tons of energy anyway, pressured speech, etc., etc. My non-professional opinion is that when such things happen independent of other full-blown episode indications, it's probably due to something else. One can never be sure, though.

Have you had passing thoughts about the meds or have you been full-out 100% believing that they are poisoned? You seem to be typically anxious and very ambivalent about taking meds and I think it's possible that this is a manifestation of that.

With your boyfriend, it could be a relationship issue? Maybe you're feeling insecure in your relationship with him at the moment? This is a long-distance relationship? I think people do get suspicious of partners sometimes for any number of reasons, without it rising to the level of clinical paranoia, which would be a very extreme version of this.

Just throwing out other possibilities.

I think it's *possible* that these thoughts, though, could be addressed in therapy; why are you having the thoughts, what can you do to re-formulate them. Have they really dropped out of the sky out of nowhere or are there potential reasons for them that can be learned from.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

As a spouse often on the receiving end of this kind of behavior, please try not to do this to your faithful, loving, partners. It is tiresome and a bit infuriating to have to be the recipient of uncalled for doubt and have to be the source of constant reassuance.

Yes. I feel like if this is happening all the time it likely has mostly to do with trust in the context of the relationship/relationship issues.

[comicgeek007]

A little more than passing thoughts, but not 100% believed. Who knows. I‘ll try to get over myself and take them since I have no tangible evidence, I guess.

It is a long term relationship, but I think it's my worries about being abandoned more than anything to do with him. We talked it out and came to an understanding.

Should I tell my T? Or is this just a little blip on my radar that's not worth the fuss?

Originally Posted by ultramar

Yes. I feel like if this is happening all the time it likely has mostly to do with trust in the context of the relationship/relationship issues.

Absolutely. My husband has BP and BPD. Lots of trust and attachment issues stemming from old, old history for him. Generally (though not always) he realizes he is being unfair to me; at times though it can be a real beat down to be on the receiving end of his stuff.

The fact is, there is no amount a reassurance I can give him that will counteract what is going on in his head when he gets so paranoid and demanding. He has to get that under HIS control; I can't fix that for him.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by comicgeek007

A little more than passing thoughts, but not 100% believed. Who knows. I‘ll try to get over myself and take them since I have no tangible evidence, I guess.

It is a long term relationship, but I think it's my worries about being abandoned more than anything to do with him. We talked it out and came to an understanding.

Should I tell my T? Or is this just a little blip on my radar that's not worth the fuss?

I think fears of abandonment in relationships is definitely something that can be helped with therapy. This is a relationship/relational issue and has nothing to do with bipolar. This is why it's so important to think about the causes, if it's bipolar then theoretically there's nothing that can be done about it (except maybe meds), but if it's a psychological/relational issue, then it's eminently treatable in therapy, which in some ways is a good thing.

This is *precisely* why I don't like jumping to conclusions that everyone going on in one's life is bipolar-related -I think this can lead to not getting help and not taking steps to improve things. If it's a psychological issue, it can be improved with effort, with therapy -it's not easy, but the fact is is that not everything is bipolar and not everything can be treated with a pill.

I think it's always good to talk about whatever is bothering you in therapy. Of course the thoughts about your meds is bothering you. I don't know if you have already talked to your therapist about it, but you've had trouble accepting your meds, I have trouble with this too, and exploring this with your therapist may help you to figure out why it causes anxiety/ambivalence, how to accept taking them (or not taking them), etc.

[comicgeek007]

Had session with T today. I was really afraid to tell him about the thoughts yesterday, but I did. Eventually. He thinks as I started to that my abandonment issues stem from my mother abandoning me physically and emotionally. I also talked things over with my boyfriend. Things are good between us now. T says I need to work on rationalizing myself out of paranoid thoughts, but was happy to hear I haven't purged in weeks and haven't severely restricted in a while. And that I'm not sui. That was a big plus.

[comicgeek007]

Haven't felt clingy to boyfriend, but thoughts about meds being poisoned are back and it's starting to get annoying. I feel so awake even though I'm usually asleep or close to it by now.

[A Red Panda]

Keep on rationilizing things to yourself comicgeek, like your T said to!

"my pills are poisoned. How could they be poisoned, my family wouldn't try to kill me. Maybe it was the pharmacist? Really, they want to go to jail and lose their job over someone they don't have any motive to kill? Then it must be family! how would they be poisoning the meds then? Soaking them in anything wouldn't work because they'd dissolve. Covering them in any sort of powder would be visible when I put the pills onto my hands." etc etc. Just go ahead and tell that brain of yours off