[manicdepressive07]

Can someone please explain to me what they've experienced as a "mixed episode"?

The other night I was super agitated and found myself yelling at my bf on the phone. I was getting annoyed because he wasn't listening so I had to repeat myself several times and when I did I yelled it... to the point where he even had to say "geez calm down, I didn't hear you."

When we got off the phone my mind was racing and I felt anxious, but at the same time I felt super depressed. I remember saying, "I don't want to be bipolar anymore" and started crying. I remember thinking it was odd I felt so sad... I've been diagnosed for several years now and normally never get "emotional" about my diagnosis but for some reason that night I was. But like I said at the same time I was hyped up, irritated, and aggressive with my bf on the phone. That's when I thought to myself "am I having a mixed episode?" and looked it up online and found out it typically happens with Bipolar 1 patients (which I am).

Funny thing is, idk if I've ever acted like that before, or if I did, I didn't realize it or recognize it as a "mixed episode". I'm definitely going to start paying more attention from now on.

[Seth412]

I get mixed episodes all the time. In fact, I'd venture to say that it's a prominent aspect of my illness. I'm diagnosed BP1 severe with mixed states and psychosis. For me, when I'm mixed, I feel very disinterested in the world or people around me. I isolate myself, don't contact my friends, call in to work alot, etc. At the same time, I'm very irritable, negative, and sometimes explosive. I feel the urge to do things even though I am feeling down. I have very grandiose ideas, and I am reckless with my money. I drink a lot as well. For example, sometimes I'll get a case of beer and a pint of jack, drop money on a hotel room with room service, and just sit and drink by myself until I'm highly intoxicated. If I contact my friends, it's about drinking. If they don't have money, I'll blow two days pay making sure everyone is as drunk as I am.

I can definitely relate to your post. Feeling down yet being highly volatile, emotional, and explosive. Mixed episodes are classified as either agitated depression (primarily depressed) or dysphoric mania (primarily manic). It's sort of difficult to differentiate from the two, but personally I don't think it much matters. A mixed state is a mixed state.

[BipolaRNurse]

To qualify as a bona fide mixed episode, a specific number of criteria for both mania and depression must be met for x-amount of days.....a week, I think it is.

In real life, however, you just described one perfectly. During my last mixed episode (a couple of months ago), I was scrubbing my kitchen cabinets with Murphy's Oil Soap as fast and hard as I could while sobbing uncontrollably for NO good reason. I'd sit up in bed till 2 or 3 in the morning, kicking one leg over the side of the bed and crying and feeling like I was about to die. (I didn't call 911 because I knew I wasn't going to be that lucky---that's awful, but it's how I felt at the time.)

The only reason I wasn't hospitalized was that I was able to channel the excess energy into productive actions, and then of course I didn't tell my pdoc about the suicidal ideation, which in retrospect was really, really dumb. I was depressed and had enough energy to be dangerous, and I very nearly called the suicide hotline one night; the next day I called him instead and was kind of surprised that he wanted to treat me for mania. Long story short, he was right and I mellowed out within days.

Mixed episodes, for my money, are THE WORST of both worlds. The only times I've ever thought I was truly 'crazy' were when I was in a mixed state, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy's best friend.

[Dylanzmama]

I'm still trying to figure all this out, too. Thanks for your post!

[A Red Panda]

I think that I have mixed episodes - usually it's because I'm NOT happy at all but am constantly on the go. If I successfully avoid going out to drink... then I prefer those times to normal depressions, because at least I'm working really really really hard to beat the depression aspect. If I drink alcohol however..... not such a good plan. Also I think these are the times when I'm most at risk for having panic attacks - because when I have those they tend to strike from no where, or when I'm all of a sudden in a situation where I'm not comfortable and freak out about how I got into it to start with because I was so miserable I shouldn't have bothered.

I also, in relationsihps, have had times where I just am on the go and try SO HARD to fix whatever "problem" I think there is, mostly with myself, but it has ended up in freaking out on my bf at the time. I'm not so sure if that's during a mixed episode or not though, as I've never really looked at it.

[avlady]

I've learned that my anxiety attacks were caused by drinking, as when i stopped drinking alcohol i never had another attack. that was 12 years ago. I also had fewer headaches, i hav't had a migraine either since!!

[A Red Panda]

Oh.. not me. I had panic attacks starting looooonnng before I ever had a drink.

[manicdepressive07]

Originally Posted by avlady

I've learned that my anxiety attacks were caused by drinking, as when i stopped drinking alcohol i never had another attack. that was 12 years ago. I also had fewer headaches, i hav't had a migraine either since!!

Congrats to your sobriety!

I wish I could stop drinking... I know it does more damage than any good. I just have a bunch of fun when I drink I tend to binge drink when I go out, I'd say once a month or so, maybe twice a month. I always have a great time! But then the next day I'm absolutely miserable... super depressed can't get out of bed to save my life miserable, and if I had A LOT to drink then I have a nasty headache and I'm throwing up all day. Oye.

[rolybipoly]

I'm currently in a mixed state now and it is awful. I never knew what people meant when they said they wanted to jump out of their skin. Now I know. I feel super panicky/anxious, irritable, racing thoughts, can't relax, feeling down/depressed, etc. The only way I can describe it is kinda like the feeling when you almost get in a car accident and get that adrenaline rush and feel jittery and awful.