[Nessa213]

I sometimes hate this faking thing. It is literally downright exhausting. Is it normal to put forth this much damn effort to cook dinner, or go shopping... or ****... even smile?

Husband's playing his video games. Daughter's in the living room watching Super Why. And I'm sitting on the kitchen floor noticing how much I really need to mop. But I'm working up the motivation to make dinner. Premade burgers that I am literally going to put in a frying pan. And hell I don't even want to do THAT.

Maybe it's in my head... and maybe I'll snap out of it.

[Nessa213]

I also wanted to ask (and forgot)... if anyone else gets racing thoughts during a depression? Stoppit brain... stoppit. I'm sick of you.

[pegasus]

You need to do something nice just for you, there is more to life than mopping floors!

[middlepath]

Not always, but I DID get racing thoughts during my last depression which I think means it had turned into a mixed episode??? It is so annoying to have a slow body and a wicked fast mind. Having the two opposing speeds wrapped up in one body is just awful. Can you tune out the thoughts by blasting music on Ipod or something?

Also, faking it is exhausting. I find I mostly fake it everywhere but home. At home i am a wreck during depression. Laundry piles, unmade beds/unwashed sheets for weeks, unmopped floors etc. The only help I can offer is to say it will pass, just like the last episode did and just like the next episode will. Hang tight, ignore the floors, blast some music and make sure your family thanks you for the burgers that you feed them because thought they may only be frozen and fried, you care enough to pry yourself up to make them food! You get awesome momma/wife points for that!!! Hang tight, Nessa

[wildflowerchild25]

Omg I have felt this way for weeks. I can barely get the motivation up to get out of bed. We have wasted so much money eating out because I can't cook dinner. I hate feeling so useless.

Celebrate your small achievements. I am proud I put the laundry away today. Yay me. And yay you for making dinner no matter how "easy" it was.

[Nessa213]

Thanks guys. At the very least, there was food left over at the end, so I guess that means that at least they had enough to eat and weren't hungry. I see that as a mom-win. I DID put my daughter to bed early today, as I probably would have been minus one child if she'd have stayed up one minute longer.

I went out shopping by myself for about 4 hours today. I use the word "shopping" loosely as I was at the mall for only about 45 minutes. The rest of the time I was just driving around, going no where in particular. I really wanted to just kind of park somewhere (and I really SHOULD have, if we're being honest) and hang out staring out the window. My mind kept wandering while I was driving and it got to be hard to focus on the road. I just kept getting these... random trains of thought.

It's like at any given moment I was making up scenes like "what if I stopped the car right now and got out and made like I'd jump off this bridge... how would that end?" And I'd work it all out in my head, start to finish. Or "Hmmm, what if I got on the highway here and just started driving South. How would that end?" I can't even explain all the trains of thought that were going through my head.

And I don't really know WHY I'm so exhausted today. I had plenty of time to myself over the last few days. I've done about f*** all in terms of housework. I haven't really GONE anywhere (no bank card means I can only go out shopping when my husband's at home and I can borrow his card... it's better that way really). But shopping used to be my outlet. It was bad, and I get it. It's SO much better this way, but it's just a lot harder trying to adjust.

[Nessa213]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Omg I have felt this way for weeks. I can barely get the motivation up to get out of bed. We have wasted so much money eating out because I can't cook dinner. I hate feeling so useless.

Celebrate your small achievements. I am proud I put the laundry away today. Yay me. And yay you for making dinner no matter how "easy" it was.

Go you for putting away the laundry!! That IS an achievement! I've had several baskets of unfolded laundry hanging out in our bedrooms for about a week and a half.

We've also spent SO much money on McDonalds or Chinese take out over the last few weeks. It's soul-shattering in several ways. It's not as healthy which makes me feel bad. And it's so much more expensive than if I could just cook something. But I just can't. I feel your pain.

[A Red Panda]

I have those issues too. I have no excuse at all for getting nothing done when I'm at home.. I'm single and only have to take care of myself.

Yet there's a lot of days when I'm down that I will go without food because I can't be botehred. Or make toast, or eat a bag of chips.

And yes, I also get the stupid racing thoughts sometimes when I'm depressed. They're particularly viscious and always thoughts which are being really mean to me.

[Nessa213]

Originally Posted by CheshireCatGrin

Yet there's a lot of days when I'm down that I will go without food because I can't be botehred. Or make toast, or eat a bag of chips.

When I lived by myself (which I only did for a year out of my entire life... me and solitary living do not go well with each other) it was awful with the food. I think I lost like 20 pounds that year because of stress and only having like... popcorn for dinner.

[Quebec01]

I'm in one of these phases right now. It's been like this for months already. All housework is put on hold. Once in a while, I gather my energy and do stuff in the house, it takes so much will power and I am very slow at accomplishing the most simple task. Then, I'm back down without energy or any willpower for many days. I have a lof trouble making it out of here, even getting groceries requires much motivation. Making it out of my apartment is such an accomplishment when I succeed. I sleep for most of the day because I'm always so tired and also, it is this only way I feel nothing. I don't see time passing and actually lose track of time. I find myself crying. It just happens. I don't have anything to look forward to. What I could do about it all dépends on me but since I don't have many interests in any of what I used to like and can't find anything that I could invest into, my schedule is quite empty. And it's not like if I am not trying to find something to spark up my life... The odd times when I think I actually found something to get me out of this state and want to make a step forward, I feel that my system or my meds put the breaks on. This sensation of heavyness crawls back on me and I'm back in this lifeless circle.