[Kev's BG]

I've been well for a long while, over a year. Recently crashed down, down, down. It's so very dark here. I'm taking a leave of absence, have no idea how long I'll be out. How do others handle work while their having an episode? I tried to power through, but the issues of organization, concentration, and the crying all the time really made it impossible. I'm so afraid of what the future holds...what if I don't make it back this time? Or, what if it takes a long time to get back? I'm worried about getting well, and on top of that, I'm worried about not contributing to the financial well-being of my family. How do the rest of you handle the gritty details of life when your not well?

[Nessa213]

I'm sorry that you're going through that. I guess it just depends on what type of job you have too. For me, working through an episode is incredibly difficult and I, admittedly, have a job that is extremely easy to function in.

If I'm in a depressive state I can keep my headphones in all day and not really talk to anyone. I can make frequent bathroom breaks if I feel like I'm about to lose it. And I can go upstairs and sit away from everyone else and write in a diary I keep on my phone. Sometimes though it makes me incredibly nervous, because if I'm having an exceptionally bad time I can't do anything... literally... except sit and stare at my computer screen for days on end. And not do a BIT of work. It's awful, it's literally awful. I also have decent vacation time and can take off a few days here or there if I know a day just isn't going to happen.

If I had any other job (and I've had many other jobs that didn't work out for this very reason) I don't think I COULD work through an episode. It really just depends on your type of work and severity of the episode. I hope things get better for you soon.

[polesapart]

I find that I almost have to work when I'm depressed. The one time I took time off I did absolutely nothing. I had no desire to do anything, no motivation to do anything and I hardly moved all day. I didn't think that would be helpful for me, so I returned to work. Also, if things are really bad work keeps me safe. At those times if I took time off I would need to be in hospital. It is impossibly difficult, and I don't know how I've managed, so I truly understand that many people need to be off work.

As to what I did. I shut my door and had tears streaming down my face whilst working on reports. My productivity decreased as I often spent time just staring at my computer. I'm a psychologist and found when I was with patients it was easier in some ways as I had to concentrate on them, particularly as I work with children and they need your energy and enthusiasm. I would take breaks during the day to go and sit outside and cry.

I gave everything I had at work, so at home I did nothing and my husband had to deal with all the gritty details of home life.

Please hang on. I hope things get better for you soon.

[bluewind]

I had to cut my days down to almost nothing and bring in a drs note and my mgr asked me what was wrong. Definitely against hippa rules. But I told her and after that she treated me cold. Then I tore my rotater cuff on the job and had to quit. I was struggling with the job on a mental level with the bipolar meds not working then the shoulder went out and I couldn't work anymore. I do art full time at home now but have moved recently and have yet to find a gallery to show and sell my work...hopefully that will happen soon. The bipolar has gotten worse with time for me instead of better and I am unable to work. I've had over 40 jobs in my life and been hospitalized 9 times. I like change!

So I know there are a lot of bipolars who can manage working but I'm not one of them and that is still a tough nut to swallow. My husband doesn't want me to work because he knows the drama and calamity and stress are on the way. I'm not lazy, just ill.

[Kev's BG]

Thank you so much for your kind responses. I really appreciate the sharing.

My job requires that I speak with clients every minute of the day, and advise them regarding their healthcare options. I need to be highly functional to do the research required and make a recommendation that best meets their needs. I just couldn't, in good conscience, continue trying to make that happen at a subpar level.

I take great comfort in hearing about other's experiences/concerns/stories because they help me understand that I'm certainly not alone, and that others before me, with similar issues, have eventually seen the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Trippin2.0]

A combo of Nessa and Polesapart's methods / reasons.

I have to work, no choice, not financially, emotionally or mentally.
Being unemployed nearly literally killed me, work gives me a sense of pride and purpose, besides, what would my daughter eat?

she's enough reason for me to keep trying lol

I guess I just trudge through as best I can, showing up is the hardest part on most occasions, I get too wrapped up in my job for bp to interfere when I'm depressed. Then I usually find myself dreading being home... with me myself and my mind.

Hypo, I have to work 10x harder because my brain is everywhere and here, so lots of room for error.

Earphones, breathing exercises and sunlight help me cope at work.

Also ramping up the self-care during depressions helps alot, we had a thread on healthy hedonism a whiiiile back, it had very good tips for being kind to yourself.

I get why its bad, and how some people can't function at work, and feel for you, but I'm worse off at home

I'm lucky to work for a flexi type company for the first time, so I'm hoping that if the faecal matter should unfortunately hit the ceiling oscillator in a big way in future, then I will be able to work from home, should I not be acceptable to the general public

You might want to look into a vocation that's more suited to your personal needs.

[faerie_moon_x]

I stay at my desk, avoid people as much as possible. I try to work on things one at a time and take my time. I'm a receptionist so I just try to focus on what I'm doing. I also have no choice but to work. My family would starve to death without me. So, I just keep my head low. Sometimes I make it all the way to the car I have a melt down.

I have actually melted down at work before. It was not pretty and got written up for it.

[A Red Panda]

I'm a teacher.

You'd think that this would be a horrific job to have during an episode, but I find it actually works well for me. Not so much when I'm already panicky though.

If I'm depressed, well, I'll use up ALL the energy I do have in trying to be my best for my students - I'll probably plan out a lot more chill activities to do during this time, or things that are more student-driven. They will cheer me up somewhat throughout the day though - this year my students were by far the best and most constant thing in my life. Even when I just felt like crying or curling up and quitting, they would manage to say or do something that would actually genuinely make me smile. And I really wanted to be my best for them.

When I am in an up (because mine are very mild really) I tend to sorta throw out whatever "boring" things I had planned and we get a lot more active and probably have a lot of different activities on the go. My students tend to love it when I'm in an UP.

When I'm stressing out about things I tend to be somewhat honest with them. "I'm not feeling very good today, so, if I get a bit snappy I want you all to know that it ISN'T you and that I'm just not feeling good." or whatnot. I will also try to do activities those days that are more chill and relaxing - so if we were going to be learning a new lesson which I thought they might hate or get really frustrated/confused about? I'll delay that until another day and do something else that would be good practice for them (In my class this was typically math lessons, so I might just take a day and play a math game involving multiplication or division cause they are terrible at it).

In an UP it lets me use up a lot of my energy, when I'm in a down it drags me into being functional and engaged with life. When I'm stressed out... welll... sometimes it can make that worse. But if I manage it right it will actually help calm me down.

I'm really lucky about that.

And if there is a day where I just REALLY know i won't be able to hack it and do them justice? I will call in sick. Typically I am actually feeling sick when that happens (stress sometimes gives me massive headaches and stomachaches) but the day off usually helps. I don't typically use my sick days, so I've got a bunch of them banked already.

I'm seriously really lucky with my job.

[Secretum]

I'm still in college, so I don't really have a "big girl" job yet. In high school, I always went to school because I had no choice- you can't miss class unless your parent calls you in. I got through by trying to focus on my classes. If things got bad, I could just daydream, and no one would tell. My junior and senior years, I had a free period, which during my senior year I used mostly to relax-just to surf the internet, etc. I remember times when I nearly fell asleep during an exam because I was so fatigued from depression- I didn't do well on that exam, but I did finish it!

In college, I can skip class if things get bad. I try not to do this too often, and I try to attend at least one class everyday. Typically, I'll skip my large lecture classes where I won't be missed, and attend my smaller classes. In terms of homework, I sometimes have to put my perfectionism aside and just get through it.

At my part time job in high school, I only worked 3 hours per week (honestly!). I also spent most of my time secluded away from other people. My job was also low stress, just cleaning things.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm a teacher too and I agree with red panda. In a depressive state it is really difficult to function but I try to keep my strength for my students. Thankfully I work in a special Ed school and have aides that can help me when I am down. I take frequent bathroom breaks when down and when up just to chill out. I also force myself to do the mundane paperwork like lesson plans. Gives me a sense of accomplishment. If I took off while depressed I would just ruminate on the negative and definitely end up hospitalIzed.

That being said I had to quit my summer job this year because of depression. The summer job is a camp counselor and I just couldn't fight through the heat nor could I gather the energy needed to walk around camp. It's the first time in six years I haven't worked there and it kills me. The only reason I did was because I had to be hospitalized and now I am in a partial care program to keep me busy. I am scared to step down to IOP because I will have two days off a week to fill and I am not sure how to do that. So I understand not being able to work as well. I just hope I am better by the fall.

I hope you feel better soon.

[angustios101]

I feel for you. I was in the same place you were and unfortunately I did end up leaving my job. But I don't know if that was the wisest decision since I've now been unemployed for nearly two years and I think doing nothing has made my issues worse. I'm interviewing now though so fingers crossed but I often wonder how I'm going to handle a new job if I could not deal with the old one when things were rough. Sigh.