[grendelthefaceless]

My first post so this will be interesting.

I need an outside view of my relationship with my girlfriend. She and I have been together for two years. When we first met she knew I was bipolar. My diagnosis and our conversation about it came months later.

My girlfriend and I are having some issues with trust and trying to rebuild our relationship. I had several instances of "infidelity". The infidelity was kept to texting, talking on the phone, or going out to eat. The text messages were explicit.

I have been trying to think if the infidelity was triggered when I was depressed as a way to make myself feel better. I notice that when I am in a manic state or what would be considered a manic state (I have been on meds for over a year now) I am very easily aroused. I do have a fear of being close with someone. Growing up I had more than a few failed relationships due to the fact that I would be depressed and it was hard for my partner at the time to handle.

The matter is a little complicated. I have found that in past relationships I would text someone on the side without ever wanting anything physical with that personal even though the conversations would be of a sexual nature. When I feel depressed I want want to push those that are close to my in this case my girlfriend away. I become distant and disinterested. I do still care for her.

I have come to be depressed again and I like my space. My girlfriend thinks I am avoiding her and being distant because I am speaking to someone else. I have made every effort not to put myself in a situation that would lead me to talk to someone else. I do hear that people who suffer from Bipolar can be very promiscuous. Its now come down that she wants me to be there but I am depressed and have been for weeks and I am not running to anyone else.

[gayleggg]

Good for you for not running to someone else this time. Before when i would have manic episodes i would have sex with anyone. It to time for me to learn not to turn to sex to relieve my manic mood. I had to really learn to avoid situtations that gave me access. Such stop communicating with ex-lovers. You have already started this process by avoiding texting while you are depressed.

Now to address the withdrawl during depression. I do that too. But when I'm depressed my husband understands I cannot be as present as I can when I'm normal. You on the other hand have rebuild the trust that has been broken. When you are depressed you are going to have to force yourself to give her some sort of affection. I know that this will be hard be will be worth it for your relationship.
Hope this helps. Hang in there and stay away for texting. Good luck.
Gayle

[ultramar]

It sounds like getting in touch, spending time with other women when you're depressed is a kind of self-soothing thing. And when you're manic, perhaps a libido thing. Though it seems too, from what you are saying, that you have issues with trust, and perhaps looking and/or going elsewhere is a way to keep some distance from your girlfriend, to not get too close, too dependent, etc.? So it sounds like it's maybe a mix of mood issues and relationship (including trust) issues. Have you thought of couple's counseling?

[grendelthefaceless]

Thank you for your input. I agree that I need to be there and be supportive of my girlfriends feelings even if I am down. She needs to know she can trust me. I have opened up all my emails, phone, and bank accounts to her. I call her from work and on some days she will bring me lunch and eat with me. I think this is a step in the right direction. Thank you again. I see you have identified some of your triggers during our manic episodes so you can better manage them.