[TheJettSet27]

I don't know. Hypomania has always been odd to me. Like I have it, yet I don't at the same time. I have the irritability, the slight high, the faster-than-normal things, the motivation, the energy...but I'm terrified.
Terrified that I am faking it subconsciously. I know that's difficult to do, but it's not the first time that's been suggested to me by my parents.
I don't know anymore. I tried explaining to my counselor but I felt like...well, ****. Like I was trying to explain it in the worst possible way that sounded completely off and fake and I couldn't think AT ALL.
Oh good god...this hurts. Not a superficial pain, but a pain that is deep inside of my damned soul and I am not having fun.
I wish that I didn't feel this way and that I could only have depression, like I did that first year before a hypomanic episode, depression is so much easier to treat and now I'm not even paying attention to punctuation which I never do because I feel worthless if I do it-
I'm done.
I am so, so sorry if this is a downer, but I need to start getting these feelings out rather than bottling them up inside like I usually do. That whole "keep it inside and never let it out unless you're alone" shtick never did me any good. It only contributed to everything.

[A Red Panda]

Hey Jett - I get you. I think my hypomanias are sooooo mild that I'm not 100% sure that they are even real.... but I notice the difference in myself, so they must be. But sometimes it does feel like I'm a fake.

You're also not alone in the fact that you are used to your family making you doubt yourself! Mine is the same. They don't know anything about my diagnosis though... and they never will.

I'm proud of you for expressing yourself - I understand how hard it can be to do!

(also, are you username and avatar based around Cowboy Bebop?!)

[TippPatt]

Ah, the ole 'my family says it so it must be true' conundrum. We have all hit that at one time or another, I would say. Learning that they don't know everything is sometimes hard in the transition into adulthood. I recall when I had to relearn everything I thought I knew and yes, it is a daunting exercise. I also recall the pain. Yes it is a deep down, very root of being pain that can only be described as soul wrenching. Yep, Jet, looks like you're there.

Although I suggest complete honesty with a therapist, I can understand your feeling a need to 'work up' to that. If you need to use this site to do that, seems to me that would be okay. Just remember to be honest with yourself as you post here. That way, when you do contact a therapist, you'll be used to telling the unvarnished truth and it will be easier for you.

As for your family, love them in spite of their faults. They just don't get it and that's okay. You're job isn't to make them understand, your job is to understand you. It's okay if they don't come along for that ride.

[ultramar]

Welcome!

I don't see bipolar disorder listed amongst your 'mental health concerns' --have you been diagnosed? I understand, though, if you don't want to list it, I don't either.

If you have concerns about what is going on, parsing out what is what, if you haven't already, I'd recommend you see a psychiatrist for an evaluation. This is such a tricky diagnosis to make to begin with, but it looks like you're a teenager which, with all that goes on in that stage of life, might make it all the more complicated.

I'd try to trust in knowing what you *feel* --no one can take that away from you, you know best what emotions and experiences are coming from your most authentic self. The rest is just labels. But if these hypomanic experiences are seriously interfering with your well-being, then I would consult a psychiatrist --you say that the depression is treatable, but not the hypomania -but it is. Unfortunately, though, mood stabilizers like Lamictal, which typically have few side effects, tend to help with depression more than hypo/mania, and the medications targeted at hypo/mania's tend to be more difficult to tolerate. But if these episodes are really affecting you, you could consider, with the help of a doctor, the possibility of treating it.

Good luck and let us know how things go!

[d00mbunneh]

YES! I feel the exact same way about my problems. I've actually been really obsessing about this lately because I have to go see a pdoc for my SSDI case. I always feel like I'm making it sound worse than it is or that I'm bothering people with what's going on. Then I start thinking back and remembering things that have happened that I SHOULD tell my therapist/pdoc about but I feel like they'll think I'm making things up.

[TheJettSet27]

I have not been diagnosed, but I recently talked to my counselor about it. I've even started a mood chart to keep track of my feelings. As far as medication, I want to stay away from that and leave it as a last resort, but if I absolutely have to, I guess I'll use it.
However, I don't think mine's severe enough to need medication - I think I can learn to handle it.