[florica]

For those of you who don't experience frequent episodes of mania/hypomania/depression even when you aren't medicated, how do you deal with being bipolar when you aren't experiencing the episodes? Do you still take medications or go to therapy regularly? Can you keep up with charting your moods? Do you ever feel disconnected from having the illness until the symptoms show up again?

The above is the important part and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to answer the questions if they can. The rest of this post optional reading consisting of my own answers (and even more questions).

My patterns are fairly regular and spaced kind of far apart. I usually get one mild to moderate depression a year that lasts 2-5 months. I don't think I get hypomania every year, but when I do, it usually lasts weeks instead of months but I might have more than one episode. About every 3-5 years, I get worse than usual episodes that last longer and are more severe and wreak havoc on my life. Both depression and hypomania have caused big problems for me.

I find it difficult to maintain any sort of treatment regimen or heed preventative recommendations when I'm not experiencing the episodes though. I just can't keep up with a daily routine for something that might take years to have any major impact on me. I also don't want the constant reminders that something is wrong with me. Unfortunately, once I do hit one of those episodes it's usually too late to prevent it from causing damage.

I also feel a disconnect from the illness when I'm not experiencing it directly. When I joined this forum only a few days ago, I was miserable and in a state of desperation. I was dealing with what I believe to be a dysphoric hypomania (in case that label isn't standard enough, hypomania with mixed features). It had been going on for weeks and seemed like it would never end. It did end though - abruptly - only a couple days ago. I spent some time writing down my thoughts while it was happening. I've been reading the stuff I wrote this morning and those thoughts seem a million miles away already. It seems bizarre that something that was such a big deal only a few days ago is now kind of like, whatever. Is it unusual to feel this sort of disconnect so quickly?

I've also felt like a bit of an outcast reading posts here. There seem to be a lot of rapid cyclers even though my understanding is that it's the less common sort of bipolar. Do you think rapid cycling is overrepresented because people are more likely to hang around a forum like this if they experience symptoms more frequently? Is there anyone who sticks around for long periods of time even when they feel fine? I'm wondering whether or not I should.

[A Red Panda]

Whether or not you should use the boards, and when, is entirely up to you

I like your thought about why so many rapid-cyclers are here - it probably is at least partially due to us going in and out often!

I so far have only been on the board while in a hypomania and then went pretty much straight into a depression - I haven't really been baseline since I joined.

My rapid cycles are usually because I'll have probably about 3 bouts of depression in a year? With at least one, shorter, hypomania. I haven't done a good job at tracking my ups, so I don't really know for sure. But my episodes tend to last a few weeks, although I can have depressions that last many months.

I believe that I will continue to use this board lots even when I am baseline - I find psychology interesting, and I use a lot of the other boards as well and not just the bipolar board.

I also like knowing that I can be around here to help other people - I might be feel normal, but other people on the boards who are new, or whom I've befriend, well, they might not be and they could benefit from my prescence.

As to when I am baseline - well, I haven't been baseline since I got diagnosed, but I knew I had bipolar for years and years. When I'm baseline I don't put too much thought into my bipolar - but I do keep a regular routine and when I'm baseline is when I'm doing that the most consistently. I'm also better at avoiding triggers when I'm baseline, and I am better at self-care. I know that I'll eventually have another round of depression or another round of being overly active, but I try to not worry about and I just accept it'll show back up again whenever it feels like it.

I find the stable periods are probably the most important times as far as dealing with bipolar disorder long-term. I can't ignore my bipolarness in between episodes; it does no good to just put out fires during crises and not work on prevention and planning in the "off season".

My ability to manage through and cope during my episodes in greatly increased by the work I do in my stability with my therapist and by staying consistent in my self care (be that staying active, nurturing my soul through my interests, friends, church, etc.).

I'm a teacher, and there is a reason we have fire drills and disaster drills, etc. You don't wait until the building is on fire to teach them how to exit the building or duck and cover; you practice during times of safety and normalcy so that they can put those skills and knowledge to good use if and when the crisis comes. I feel the same way about my bipolar episodes. I have to continuously practice those coping skills when I am stable; it really does lessen the impact of the episodes when they do occur.

[99 FAIRIES]

I agree with Chris. I use the times when I'm not symptomatic to look back and trouble shoot. Now that Im on lithium I dont struggle as much with the depression. But i still have a hard time staying away from mania. But i am slowly starting to find my triggers and thing i need to steer clear of to avoid future episodes.

[Otter63]

I had my first (very severe) manic episode when I was 18. The last episode I had was two years ago. These last two years I have stayed on lithium. It is the first time I have stayed on medication for any period longer than the length of an episode.

My manic episodes tend to last 1-2 weeks with a build-up prior to that of 2-3 weeks of hypomania. The depression that follows can go from a month to a year.

I went a ten year period without an episode during the time my kids were young, and my last episode came on the heels of the previous one just the year before. With those two exceptions, my episodes were always five years apart.

I rarely thought a great deal about my illness during the "off" times. I do more now. Pdoc appts., pills to take, and too much time on my hands now that I'm on disability are the likely reasons.

[ultramar]

I have episodes 1-2 times a year (though they usually last 4-8 weeks, then the often difficult and extended time of lowering my meds again + a kind of hangover of confusion which is hard to explain) --when it happens, it turns my life completely upside down, and there's the aftermath --but I do spend, on the whole, most of my time in remission as well.

Yes, I think this form of bipolar disorder is underrepresented here, don't know why. Though I think in any forum, like attracts like, so if people see others with similar experiences they will feel more comfortable in a forum where others have similar experiences, etc. I've looked at another bipolar forum (not PC) and it is very different from here. This is a very supportive group -I hope you feel welcome!

I'm in therapy once a week and it's very very important for me. I have other issues (anxiety, PTSD...life) and therapy has been very helpful. Episodes will happen, as much as I try to prevent them. When I'm in remission, I'm 'me' and me is not perfect -I have a lot to work on, I want a better life, I want to understand myself better. Hopefully, also, the stronger I am in other areas of my life, the better I will able to weather the storms of episodes. Maybe not the episodes themselves, but the aftermath, the recovery, coping with the havoc that has just been wreaked on my life.

When in remission, especially when I'm coming out of an episode, I talk in therapy about the experience of it, how it makes me feel about myself -it helps me to bounce back, because I tend to get really down on myself afterwards, and get pessimistic about my future.

My therapist also helps me see when an episode is coming (when I don't) encourages me to increase medication as early as possible, and rides the wave with me. It's frustrating, because in many ways therapy-as-usual is put on hold during these times, but it's hugely helpful to have him in my corner, to be able to talk to someone who understands to some degree, and 'gets' me, and that 'I' am not those episodes.

When in remission, I've tried to taper down the Seroquel three times, and none worked out, at all. With the side effects, as you probably know with these meds, it's hard to stay on them when you're feeling well. But, for now, I've given up on trying (I hope to try again some time in the future); I remind myself of what happens when I go into an episode, and if the meds helps to prevent them, I'll take them.

I get feeling 'disconnected' with it. It's hard for me to put myself in the place I get when I'm sick. My memories of some of it are hazy, and I feel taken over by something, someone else, it's like it's not 'me.' It's very hard to make sense of, and I do feel pretty alone with it much of the time. But the disconnection, on the whole, is a good thing for me. When I'm in remission, I'm 'me', and I'm 'me' most of the time. I guess I'd say, take advantage of these times, appreciate it, work on things you need to work on (in therapy, in your relationships, etc.) enjoy what you can enjoy -live your life and try not to worry about the next time around.

[Amelie10]

I love the posts here. I am guilty of getting into the forums and blogs when I am depressed. It brings a great deal of comfort to me. I feel so alone and my husband and friends, while supportive, do not understand what I am going through.

When I start to feel better, I don't like to think about being bipolar. I want to forget about it. I don't want to read about it or remember how bad I felt by reading other's experiences. I know that is selfish, but it is where I have been.

I continue to take my meds. (I went off my meds completely once and it was a disaster. I will never do that again, no matter how long I stay stable.)

I am working very hard on acceptance of my illness, and I really do like this forum. I plan to stick around even when this depressions lifts. I like this way more than FaceBook.

[polesapart]

For those of you who don't experience frequent episodes of mania/hypomania/depression even when you aren't medicated, how do you deal with being bipolar when you aren't experiencing the episodes? Do you still take medications or go to therapy regularly? Can you keep up with charting your moods? Do you ever feel disconnected from having the illness until the symptoms show up again?

To answer the above questions.
I take medications, but I don't go to therapy. When I'm well I'm not sure what I would talk about in therapy. I only chart my moods when I'm unwell, writing 0 everyday gets tedious and repetitive. If I notice my mood fluctuating I might start again, just to watch if it gets worse (or overly better!). I don't feel as disconnected from bipolar as I did pre-medication, there's that daily reminder to deal with. I do, however, start launching into the 'Maybe, I don't have bipolar' thoughts, but my husband squashes those rather quickly. Depression was very nearly fatal for me, and it's that that keeps me on medication. I love my life, and don't want to lose it because I didn't want to take some pills.

As for this forum. I joined when I was deeply depressed, but didn't post or participate as I didn't feel anyone would care, couldn't see the point, and just deserved to die. I returned more recently when I started writing my memoir, as it took me back to thinking about bipolar a lot. I pop in occasionally, but as you can see from my stats I am not a big poster. If I have something useful to say I will post a reply, and I get a kick out of reading mania related posts as so many of the could be me! Really you can use the forum any way you want.

[Victoria'smom]

For those of you who don't experience frequent episodes of mania/hypomania/depression even when you aren't medicated, how do you deal with being bipolar when you aren't experiencing the episodes?

I have to rebuild everything, work on damage control, and put a prevention plan in for anything I messed. Bring my son home if things where particularly bad and spend time with family. I tend to have long intense episodes where I cycle from depression,mixed,mania, mixed then finally stable again but no breaks in between. So even if I'm cycling for months there's not enough time in the year for me to be a rapid cycles. I use to have shorter more intense episodes with many more stable days over all. I've never had the whole family stable long enough to rest for a couple of weeks but that has to do with two things: Each of us being on as little medication as possible and have a ton of co-morbid issues. We seriously have a bet on who's going to go "bat **** crazy" first and what it'll will start with (mixed,mania, or depression).

Do you still take medications or go to therapy regularly?

Any time my medication is changed even upped I want to flush it. Therapy helps me stay on medication and I'm at the point now that I'm stable enough to deal with my other glaring issues. Even if I didn't have other issues I'd stay in therapy, it's nice honestly to be well enough to get to know a therapist and them to get to know the put together you.

Can you keep up with charting your moods?

I don't chart, I use to keep a mood/thought/event chart but my therapist knows me well enough now that she knows what types of thoughts are going on in my head during my mood swings.

Do you ever feel disconnected from having the illness until the symptoms show up again?

I really shouldn't but I do.

[BipolaRNurse]

This is the first time since I was diagnosed that I've been stable long enough to have the chance to figure myself out. LOL

Seriously, with the exception of a brief (~10 days) manic episode in early July, I've been in relatively good shape since late May. I know that doesn't sound like very long, but this really is the longest stretch of 'normal' I've had in years. And despite the upheavals in my life these past few weeks, the illness has been behaving properly and hiding out under a rock---all the ups and downs have been related to life stresses, not bipolar. It took a long time to recognize the difference!

I still think about it daily---I blog about it pretty much every evening, and then there's my BID medications to contend with. But it's not an obsessive thing with me at this point, and after a year-and-a-half of being focused on the illness and what it's done to my life and career, it's refreshing to be able to feel something without going into "OMG, what if this is the beginning of another_____episode?"

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I find the stable periods are probably the most important times as far as dealing with bipolar disorder long-term. I can't ignore my bipolarness in between episodes; it does no good to just put out fires during crises and not work on prevention and planning in the "off season".

My ability to manage through and cope during my episodes in greatly increased by the work I do in my stability with my therapist and by staying consistent in my self care (be that staying active, nurturing my soul through my interests, friends, church, etc.).

I'm a teacher, and there is a reason we have fire drills and disaster drills, etc. You don't wait until the building is on fire to teach them how to exit the building or duck and cover; you practice during times of safety and normalcy so that they can put those skills and knowledge to good use if and when the crisis comes. I feel the same way about my bipolar episodes. I have to continuously practice those coping skills when I am stable; it really does lessen the impact of the episodes when they do occur.

I completely agree. I use the stable times to do a lot of research but I do find I can feel disconnected from the moods when they arnt happening. I practice my techniques and do relaxation. Im on the ball to notice when it starts to go up and down so I can combat it. I still take my meds and go to therapy but there are times when I think there is nothing "wrong" with me. The people around me remind me that I need to keep receiving treatment. My moods dont seem to cycle regularly and I am definitely depressed more than anything else. At the moment I have had mild mixed states so I am learning what I can about them and trying to find techniques for them as I dont want to put the meds up.

Not sure on the rapid cycling being more represented, but I noticed that too. I often wonder about diagnosis, pdocs can and do get it wrong. Im really surprised at the amount of people on this whole forum that dont do therapy, Im of the belief that meds alone are never going to cure you and I was just so surprised that so many people write off therapy as useless. You get out of it what you put in, and when you are stable is the perfect time to be able to retain this knowledge and use it to your advantage in my opinion.

[sprik]

I agree with Supanova about therapy. If your stable now, its a great time to learn coping skills and work on problems that were getting to you when you were depressed, if you had any. Its time to get to know you, how you react to things, the things you like, do all the things you enjoy, so if you fall back, knock on wood, you have some things to fall back on. Enjoy the time