Dealing with stigma and disbelief

My T thinks I may be bi polar. I've suspected that I may be bi polar or borderline for a while. I'm not scared, I'm just happy that someone is taking my crazy mood swings and destructive thought patterns seriously and am excited to get some help! However, when I mention this possibility to friends they a) act like I just told them the most personal and uncomfortable thing ever or b) don't believe it and trivialize me. It's frustrating and discouraging. The lady thing I need is to have something else make me different or misunderstood. I already deal with so much depression and anger because people are dumb and don't get me or other things. Has anyone dealt with this before? It's not like everyone with such a diagnosis (or the possibility thereof) is Sylvia Plath!

You don't have to tell everyone you know, you know. Only tell people that you really trust - and even then, that's optional!

I'll only ever tell people who I already know are supportive and open-minded people.

It's really disappointing when our friends don't seem to care or notice. Are your ups fairly mild? Mine are quite mild. I've also became really good at hiding things, so I wouldn't be surprised if I a lot of people doubted what I told them.

Overall fairly mild. I know it's bad, but I curb them with alcohol or hide away. I guess that I just have all this stuff bottled in and I hate to feel like I have another thing to hide. I just want to be like, this is me and its ok. I would like if people could grant me some slack when I'm snapping at people because no one gets me and most people bore me and disappoint me and not think that I'm trying to be conceited or rude. I would like if people could do the same when I'm feeling hopeless and know that no one can help me without thinking that I'm trying to act like a dramatic teenager. I'm sick of seeming weird and would love if people could understand me a bit better.

I don't talk to people about it. I haven't had any bad experiences with telling people myself, but I do see how people talk about other people with bipolar:

• People assume those with bipolar are crazy, destructive and extremely emotionally unstable all the time in general.
• People start blaming every mood swing and irresponsible action of the bipolar person on the disorder even when it has nothing to do with being bipolar.
• People don't believe the diagnosis and think the bipolar person is just applying it to get attention.
• People don't believe the condition exists at all and want to get into a debate about pharmaceutical conspiracies and how mania is caused by too much caffeine.
• People see the condition as a positive, but they expect a creative genius (too much pressure!)

Sometimes I do feel like I'm being deceptive when symptoms come up and I act like I don't know what's going on ("Yeah, I stayed up all night working on this. No, I'm not tired at all. Guess I just don't need much sleep sometimes!"). Most people don't understand it though, and I don't see much good coming out of telling them.

When I was young, I was in the basement of a friend of my parents' house. There was a women's robe hanging up that had blood stains all over it. It really creeped me out, so I asked my mother about it. She said that the friend was manic depressive and that she had tried to commit suicide. After that, if you had told me that someone was manic depressive, I would have thought they were batshit crazy. Later in life, a few years before I got my diagnosis, I met an older woman who was manic depressive. She would flit around as if she was on a mission from God. She would say the weirdest things that were completely out of context. About a year or so after I met her, she committed suicide. That reinforced my opinion of bipolar people.

After my diagnosis, I only told my immediate family and one friend who I knew I could trust. I had personally experienced the stigma from the giving side. I didn't want people to think that I would start shouting at the moon or try to kill myself at any moment.

You can't cure the stigma all by yourself and there is no reason for you to try. Only tell those you completely trust to be non-judgmental and who love you unconditionally.

Just my opinion. Hope this helps.

I don't tell anyone outside parents, siblings (including best friends), grandma, immediate in-laws and my sons best friends parents.

Why do they get to know:

* Each of those people have seen me take medication
* Have seen me at my worst on both sides
* warn people how prevalent mental health is in our families
* inlaws also: care for my son when things get bad
* Best friend: Has medical control of me and my husband if both of us are in crises
* son's friend parent: cares for son in short-term situations also has bipolar
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My inlaws were very understanding and not surprised (not BIL)
Best Friend: was nervous that he couldn't handle the situation
My family:
Dad: very upset I'm medicated & feels everyone that walks into pdoc gets that dx
Mom: starting to understand
sister 1: I shouldn't be allowed to raise my child, BP Dx makes a horrible parent. She's Dx. with it to
Grandma: Got help for her MI
Sister 2: jokes she's the only on un-dx'd but only because she refuses to go to pdoc (she says this)
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If anyone else asks I'll tell them with a variation of spoon theory most of my friends have known me over 12 yrs. they've sat there watching, wondering when to call the cops and knew they could be at my funeral any week. So answers were welcomed. At times I am asked if I'm sick again. They tell me I need therapy at my darkest (I usually remind them I'm in therapy and look how well it's doing) and keep me safe at my highest. I've had a good response but only because I am very selective. I also have a physical disability, small and light so I'm less threatening. I'm very conscious of the stigma.
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My husband has had a completely different response outside his intimidate family. He's persevered as angry, lazy and dangerous but he tells everyone , is 6'3 and over 300 lbs. His had seen to many suicides that he wants everyone to know there's hope no matter what. The funny thing is out of both of us I'm the dangerous one.

My own father doesn't know my diagnosis. (Schizoaffective /bipolar type and PTSD) I tell only very few friends and not even my friend of 50 years. There's a lot of ignorance out there and people think like I used to:that with my diagnosis I should be in a straitjacket. So I don't tell everyone.

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I appreciate all of the feedback. Maybe I just won't be so open about it if it does prove To be my diagnosis. I guess I'm just seeking to have people understand me better. To me, it makes logical sense, but it's probably unrealistic to expect people be understanding and informed.

People have no idea what it's like. My family and parts of extended family have known for over 25 years and they still keep their distance because they don't get it. Hell, most PDOCs don't get it. They have no idea about all of the intricacies of the illness, how it manifests itself and how badly mental and physical energy is effected.

I didn't and don't expect people IRL to understand and support my Bipolar .. Same as I am not going to understand in detail what there medical problems are. Get yourself a Therapist and he/she will help your understand your situation and how to use coping skills to lessen the effect they have on your life in general.

I'm with Christina regarding expecting others' to understand the diagnosis. I think this is the unfortunately reality. Though if you eventually receive a diagnosis of whatever kind, perhaps you could point them towards articles/information on the topic. Others' don't have the expertise to understand it, and it can be hard ourselves to articulate it.

I already deal with so much depression and anger because people are dumb and don't get me or other things.
It sounds like you're externalizing your reactions to others -i.e. your depression and anger are others' fault. You're not helpless or hopeless, however much it feels this way at the time. Therapy can help, and it's great you're engaged in it. We're complex people (I mean everyone) and it's hard to really 'get' other people. But since others' can't read our minds, it's important to articulate how we're feeling and why --this is easier said than done, though, again therapy should help.
I would like if people could grant me some slack when I'm snapping at people because no one gets me and most people bore me and disappoint me and not think that I'm trying to be conceited or rude.

I'm not sure I understand this, but I'll say that whatever the reasons behind it, we're all responsible for our behavior; the onus is not on others' to put up with others, we have to find ways to change our behavior (again, easier said than done), fall, try to pick ourselves back up again -but blaming others I don't think would be very helpful in your recovery.
Since you don't have diagnoses yet, I'd recommend you see a psychiatrist for an evaluation; it's important to get to the root of this (both psychiatrically and psychologically) so you can receive the most appropriate treatment and work towards recovery.
Aside from your individual therapist, have you tried DBT?

Yikes! Sorry about the gigantic font, guys, that was entirely unintentional, I was cutting and pasting...

I have two Ts and I'm seeing a P soon. I'm hoping that they can get me on some medication that will help.

ultramar, I don't expect people to coach me or anything, but I'm saying that it would be nice if people were able to just be like "ok, maybe she's having a rough day, so I'll cut her some slack". Maybe that is unrealistic, but I do it all the time with people so I guess I expect to get from the world what I put into it.

I am externalizing how I feel. I'm actually pretty good at communicating my feelings, but people are always saying things like, "wow, that's rough and a unique problem" or "I don't know what to say. that sucks." I appreciate their effort, I really do. Its hard though and I'm not trying to sound conceited but I feel like I am more complex than most people. My therapists and friends agree.

To clarify what I was mentioning earlier, I do understand that I am responsible for my own actions. I think its fair to blame others if they hurt your feelings because it is their fault. About the snapping, what typically happens is that I am opening up about how I'm alone and going to be alone and I'm struggling and no one can help me. And then they will say something worthless and trite like "there are more fish in the sea" or "don't be sad" and I'll snap and explain very logically about how I am right and get fueled up and then apologize for doing so and tell them that I appreciate them trying to help.