I relapsed into just about everything at once

I failed my first physics test of the semester. And it wasn't even a surprise fail, I KNOW I failed because I had no idea what the f I was doing the entire test.

Homework is piling up because I lack the motivation to sit down and do it. I'm trying a little at a time but it's nowhere near enough, especially with me getting a cold on top of everything.

I suppose the good news is I haven't purged -yet. I've been freaking out over my weight recently and skipping meals but I now I can't skip too many or I'll loose my chest - something I can't do if I'm going to be cosplaying as Rogue the end of the month. I know I can't keep going n like that, and I'd been doing so well...

Today I talked with one of the brothers in my fraternity about our various mental health issues. It was very triggering, especially when we for some reason went into detail about SI - something we've apparently both done.

I don't know, all the stress, feeling worthless and then getting triggered like that. It was too much. I suppose I didn't have a reason other than talking about it so openly before, but I just HAD to SI. It was like I couldn't stop myself. Now I just feel more guilty because I failed myself again.

Your not failing. You notice that your skipping meals so make yourself sit in the cafeteria 3x even if it's with just a yogurt and playing on your phone for 30 min to an hr. When is your T appointment?

Tuesday with a new T. I finally qualify for Student Counseling Services, so I'm doing that instead of going broke with my other T. I liked her well enough, but I blew all my available money on stupid things a few weeks ago, so I'm going to try this out.

Hey ComicGeek, I want to get back to you but I have to head out right now. But have been thinking about you and your situation. I will send you a pm tomorrow night, if that is ok?

Try not to overwhelm yourself with everything all at once. Just try one thing at a time, most of all try to make sure you breathe k. Like really breathe, just lay down and focus on the in, nice deep belly breath ..feel the good energy come in and the out nice and slow..focus on all the chaotic negative energy flowing out your fingers, toes and head. Try if for five min and if anything else you will have at least gotten a little more oxygen. but hopefully you will feel a little more peaceful. And you know what..oxygen calms the body, which calms the mind.

Be nice to yourself.

I feel so sick. Not just physically. I'm debating not leaving my room today. Maybe I'll actually be productive. Slim chance, but still.

Here goes nothing. I'm going to my fraternity meeting in PJ's, but at least I have the motivation to go. I cried for hours today for no good reason and then my computer stopped working right for a while because I had accidentally cried on the touchpad. Still haven't eaten anything today and I'm not actually hungry, but I'm going to force myself to eat before the meeting anyway.

Uggh I have so much stuff to do I didn't finish today.

Glad you decided to go out and eat! I hope the T appt goes well. You definitely need some outside support right now.

So it turns out I'm NOT on academic probation for my fraternity. Since I didn't eat breakfast or lunch and I barely ate anything for dinner, I'm forcing myself to have some burger king. God I wish they served salads here. I don't even want to eat. (*whine whine whine, b**** b**** b****.*)

I do really need support. More so than I thought. Especially since I refuse to take meds that have the potential to shrink my brain. That just ain't gonna happen. I need better implementation of existing coping skills and just plain more coping skills. And a hug.

What kind of coping skills do you use now? What exactly do you find hard to cope with? Im sure people here would be happy to share what works for them.

Comic, I'm glad your not on probation and was able to eat today I would seriously right of the bat tell T your Dx's and you do not medication and need her to teach you better coping mechanisms. Tell T right off the bat that you are depressed and are worried you will not pass. Also I don't remember seeing it So what are you doing in college? major wise or career field wise.

Comic, do you think you could trust the head of your fraternity? It might help things out if they knew what was going on with you, and then you could start building an actual support group for yourself at school.

I could bring my psych eval and then tell him/her the recent stuff. And T appointment is tomorrow so I guess that's something to look forward to.

I'm in biomedical engineering, which includes orthopedics, prosthetics, tissue engineering, and genetic engineering. My number one favored jobs, though, are comic book artist and medical illustration.

Forgive yourself for actions that have passed and try again.

Them start to make a proactive plan for your future.

Part of the plan can be seeing professors/ta's during their office hours to get help with classroom material. Joining study groups for the class or having your friends/parents keep you accountable for finishing homework.

It could mean reevaluating your major. It could mean having a discussion with your academic advisor.

When you minimize the significance of SI and see it as a temporary roadblock the urge goes down. No longer are you a failure. I still SI but the frequency is quite low now. Mistakes happen and recovery is not perfect. If it was no one would be here.

Don't beat yourself up.

For coping skills right now I mostly have listening to music and doing art, but for situations which I can do neither, things get tough. I'm having a hard time coping with the difficulty of my classes and all the other standard college stresses at once.

I'm not close with the head of my fraternity and I'm not sure my dx is relevant to her. And I'm not really sure how to bring it up. A lot of other people in the fraternity know, though.

I'm seriously considering switching majors to regular biology since I like it, I'm good at it, and I suck at engineering stuff, apparently. Got back my physics test today and I literally would have gotten a zero but for my professor taking pity on me and giving me a handful of points for trying.

Make sure you check the catelogue for the new major. Some biology majors require into to physics courses.

Have you taken ochem yet? You might like it because its so visual based.

No, haven't taken organic yet, but I would have to for either major. I'm feeling a lot better despite minimal sleep. I figured out my homework last night and then proceeded to do ALL the homework i hadn't had motivation to do. I stayed up till 3am then had to wake up early.

Had the intake with student counseling services, brought psych eval. I have the nagging feeling I wasn't being taken seriously, but I'm being referred to the pdoc in the practice (despite explicitly saying why I am refusing meds) so I guess they MUST think my issues exist. I don't know, I always feel paranoid about new doctors/Ts not listening to me.

Try to sleep, if you can. And do a little work each day, even if it's a little. At least you will feel better about your day and will stay on track.