Seriously?

Is it that hard for "normal" people to understand the urge to hurt one's self? Or to lose your grip on reality?

what do you mean by "normal" people and "hurt".

Yep, it really is.

It's like asking someone to view life from the perspective of an amoeba. They can't, because it's totally foreign to them and goes against their nature. They can try, and if they're educated enough about the topic then they can probably do a decent job at understanding.... but that's not really an average person anymore.

By "normal"- without mental illness and by "hurt" I mean suicidal ideation...or even cutting.

I suffered minor depressions through my life, things I muddled through and managed to get through without help, but until my bipolar blew up at age 42, I never knew there could be so much pain in one person. The kind you don't know if you can live another day with inside you. If a person has never lived the pain, he can't understand it and no amount of explaining it can ever be enough for anyone to truly understand it. So, trying to explain the pain and the urges is like that old saying of trying to describe an elephant to a blind man. They'll never really get it.

Yes it would be hard for a 'normal' person to understand as much we don't understand how ppl can regulate their moods and not want to do these things! I think we could all do with a bit more understanding....

Heck. I didn't understand it either before I had experienced it myself, anymore than anyone can understand what it is like to live in chronic pain like my husband does if they haven't lived it themselves, or anymore than someone who hasn't experienced cancer and chemotherapy can really understand that experience if they haven't lived through it.

I don't find a like of real understanding about this particularly surprising.

I know where you're coming from. I just cut a few days ago and no one seems to understand why and treats me like I just bit the head off of a dog. I guess to people who have done / still do it, it just makes sense. It's not so odd, just a fail safe. "normal" people also have a hard time understanding that by isolating us only makes it worse for us. I hope you know you don't have to go at it alone. Best of luck hun!

I know it is frustrating, but they (the "normals") just don't have the capacity to understand, i think. I notice this acutely now and I just try to tell myself to adjust MY expectations of them. They just can't understand (nor do they have the motivation to do so, often), so I am only driving myself nuts by hoping they will. At least WE understand : ). ((Hugs))

Yes, it is impossible for people who have not been through it to understand. But it's much the same as anything else. I can't understand what it's like to be divorced. Or to have a child die. Or to have a traumatic injury. But I guess there's a special consideration for MI because it's all in your head. People think you should just be able to deal with things as society wants you to. I don't think I'll ever be without at least passing suicidal thoughts and I will always fight urges to hurt myself, and " normal" people will never understAnd that. Even my husband who tries so hard couldn't understand what was happening over the summer. And he even used to cut himself. But he " just stopped" and can't understAnd why it's so hard for me to do the same.

But you're never alone here.

Well, we can start by asking what is normal?

I dont think anyone is truly normal at all.

The people who say they dont understand or give us funny looks are well, fooling themselves. It is in my opinion a false bravado to cover their own hurt and pain. We all have 'issues' whether we talk about them or not.

These people used to bother me but now I feel pity. Pity for far they have to go because I know the hell I have gone through to get to where I am today.

None of us is 'abnormal', we just admit our flaws. That is the first step to overcoming a problem right? We admit it, face it and take it head on. Do not confuse your bravery with self-doubt. It takes strength to admit defeat. It is our rock bottom that forces to go no place else but up.

Fight the good fight and let the rest of them sort out their s@%t. You are light years ahead of them.

It's really hard for people even in similar pain to understand. It took years for my husband to not be completely angry, like I was doing it to him. I still try hide it from him but that's hard while married. When I do it now, and he finds it he treats it like I got cut picking up glass or another accident. He understands I'm in a really bad place when that happens but doesn't really get it. He helps me hide it if need be because he knows how others will react.

What happened?

Of course it's hard for those without the pain to understand why we do what we do. Hell, sometimes I don't even know myself. I just know it made me feel even worse about myself when my mother found out I had been cutting. (that was years ago.) They freak out and don't realize they can feed into the behavior.

Please don't get mad at me, but I'm FAR from normal and it's hard for me to understand wanting to hurt one's self. For me it's more of an urge to hurt others. So even some people who are not normal have trouble understanding this but I am certainly sympathetic and try to be understanding. Normal people wonder "why would any one want to hurt themselves? We shouldn't want to hurt any one!" And I'm like, "why would any one want to hurt themselves when we can just hurt others instead?" It's a difficult concept for a lot of people to grasp. Including some people with other PDs.

I get this feeling sometimes too. I guess all we can hope for is a couple people who at least try to sympathize and understand.

Hell, sometimes *I* don't even understand it and I've been dealing with it my whole life. As a matter of fact, I was in a depressive episode when I first went to see my pdoc and I even told her that I don't have anything to be depressed about. Job is good (stressful, but good), marriage is stable, kiddo doing well with school, and I had a hobby.

So if we can't even understand it sometimes, then it can definitely be a challenge for someone without a mental illness to get it.