[tealBumblebee]

Does anyone else with Bipolar ever feel like they aren't bipolar? I could be in a very stable time, but I just have never been able to accept that i'm "bipolar (ii)". Schizotypal? Yes. Dependant? Yes. Depressed? Yes. Bipolar? No.

I know, without a doubt, that I do have hypomanic periods where I just don't know what to do with myself because i'm all over the place in thoughts, actions, words. In one instance, i've had a coworker telling me to "chill the heck out" because I "was like a little squirrel all over the place". In any instance, these things my whole life have been deemed "Typical Teal" moments - "...that's so Teal", "Omg Teal, you are silly", "...Teal? What the heck have you been eating? Why are you so hyper?" etc.

So to think that they are signs of a "disorder" makes sense but I just don't "feel" like it's true. Early in life a pDoc suggested I was "manic - depressive" but we never followed up. Thirteen years later, the Millon test suggests the same - "Hypomanic; Bipolar" etc.

Is it that I don't recognize my "mood shifts", though others like my coworker do? Or that I have them well under control (never take or plan to take medicine)? Or just the fact that they are "hypo" and less "life invasive" that they don't feel so "real"? Or could I just be misdiagnosed?

[phoenixsetting]

I went misdiagnosed for years. However, I was diagnosed with major depressive illness because when I was hypomanic (Bipolar II Affective Disorder) I never sought help. If you have sought help it is vital that you are fully disclosing information to the mental health professional. I'm not saying that you neglected to do this. A second opinion would be your best options. Tests are useless unless proctored by a mental health professional.

Why don't you think you cannot accept the diagnosis? Right now I don't feel Bipolar. I am not Bipolar, I am Phoenix. Just like you are Teal, not bipolar. Maybe that's why it's hard for you to accept? And out of curiosity how do you know that your manic episodes aren't really invasive?

I'm new to this, so if I don't reply, it's because this site is difficult to deal with.

[MOHANAKRISHNAN]

We seldom knows about a disorder happened in our brain instead our body which can be easily find out. Manifestations of the illness varies from person to person with grandiose, hallucination, insomnia and delusions etc.., Its magnitude also depends upon the velocity of onset. It is ideal to stick with the person or specialist in order for a smooth and speedy recovery..All the best..

[gruvingal]

I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 35. There are times when I wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life, but I think there was a reason for that. I'm glad I didn't have to go through the mental health system back then. There was such a huge stigma attached to people with mental health problems. When I was first diagnosed it was a relief, but as the years went by I started to wonder if I really was bipolar. Of course it was usually when I was manic and thought everything was just FINE. Now that I am older (52) I have accepted myself for who I am, bipolar and all. Learning to not care what others think of you is key. They have their problems too. No one is perfect! If you got to be a head-camera and follow one of your friends for a few days you would see that there are things in their life that are hard for them. Maybe they aren't bipolar, but maybe someone in their family has mental problems, or they have a child with a disability, or numerous other things I can think of. Each of us is completely different from the other, and yet we judge ourselves and others as if we are all the same. As long as we are not hurting another we should show our personality and revel in being different!

[catsrhelm]

I admit, I was in denial when I was first diagnosed with bi-polar. It took a depressive episode to knock some sense into me. Now I have been in acceptance for a long time, but it took a long time for me to get there. Maybe the same will happen for you, maybe it won't, because people are different.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by gruvingal

I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 35. There are times when I wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life, but I think there was a reason for that. I'm glad I didn't have to go through the mental health system back then. There was such a huge stigma attached to people with mental health problems. When I was first diagnosed it was a relief, but as the years went by I started to wonder if I really was bipolar. Of course it was usually when I was manic and thought everything was just FINE. Now that I am older (52) I have accepted myself for who I am, bipolar and all. Learning to not care what others think of you is key. They have their problems too. No one is perfect! If you got to be a head-camera and follow one of your friends for a few days you would see that there are things in their life that are hard for them. Maybe they aren't bipolar, but maybe someone in their family has mental problems, or they have a child with a disability, or numerous other things I can think of. Each of us is completely different from the other, and yet we judge ourselves and others as if we are all the same. As long as we are not hurting another we should show our personality and revel in being different!

Now I have wondered if the whole manic/"i'm fine" thing was what was happening - as my T asked me the same thing, lol. I do tend to live by your last few statements - so I completely agree! Thanks.

Originally Posted by MOHANAKRISHNAN

We seldom knows about a disorder happened in our brain instead our body which can be easily find out. Manifestations of the illness varies from person to person with grandiose, hallucination, insomnia and delusions etc.., Its magnitude also depends upon the velocity of onset. It is ideal to stick with the person or specialist in order for a smooth and speedy recovery..All the best..

Yep, they do. Maybe it's just not as "grandiose" as others that i've read about and thus it's hard for me to compare. Thanks!

Originally Posted by phoenixsetting

I went misdiagnosed for years. However, I was diagnosed with major depressive illness because when I was hypomanic (Bipolar II Affective Disorder) I never sought help. If you have sought help it is vital that you are fully disclosing information to the mental health professional. I'm not saying that you neglected to do this. A second opinion would be your best options. Tests are useless unless proctored by a mental health professional.

Why don't you think you cannot accept the diagnosis? Right now I don't feel Bipolar. I am not Bipolar, I am Phoenix. Just like you are Teal, not bipolar. Maybe that's why it's hard for you to accept? And out of curiosity how do you know that your manic episodes aren't really invasive?

I'm new to this, so if I don't reply, it's because this site is difficult to deal with.

Right. I was diagnosed with that manic depressive; then major depressive & hypomania (resulting in bipolar two?) I don't know. The test was proctored by a professional (i don't actually know if you can get those kind of tests in an open market?). When I read about/think about bipolar it seems the moods are was more extreme or often than I notice them in myself - I mean, I have my moments, no doubt, but it's not every day and not even every week. And it used to be a lot worse, but has calmed down quite a bit which makes me wonder if i was just slightly unstable in general before. I am about 90% sure that my hypomanic periods are not invasive - as thats usually when people tend to like me the most (even T said she really likes hyper Teal; not that she doesn't like the other Teals lol).

I haven't really gotten into a deep discussion with this about T because she feels like my results (in detail) would cause me self loathe more than I already do, etc. etc. And i've done a pretty good job of not identifying by them, but I can see more and more how they are exhibited in my behaviors - with the exception of Bipolar. *shrug* Oh well. Thanks for the reply!

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by catsrhelm

I admit, I was in denial when I was first diagnosed with bi-polar. It took a depressive episode to knock some sense into me. Now I have been in acceptance for a long time, but it took a long time for me to get there. Maybe the same will happen for you, maybe it won't, because people are different.

Lol, I've been in denial about it for over a decade now haha. And it's weird because when I started T I was feeling in a major depressive episode but also tested as hypomanic at the same time. I think I was just unstable period lol. Smh. Oh well, thanks for the reply! Hope everything is better for you! :]

I go through stages of very great stability. I'm in that stage right now; it's been 6 months of solid stability right now and it doesn't seem to be anywhere close to destabilizing. So yes, at times I really do "forget" what it was like to be completely unstable and start doubting my diagnosis. Unfortunately, so far I've always cycled back into an episode eventually and am reminded that there is "that thing" I have to deal with.

[Zabine]

I was stable for nearly 2 years, alomost forgot about it, then it punched me in the face recently....

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I go through stages of very great stability. I'm in that stage right now; it's been 6 months of solid stability right now and it doesn't seem to be anywhere close to destabilizing. So yes, at times I really do "forget" what it was like to be completely unstable and start doubting my diagnosis. Unfortunately, so far I've always cycled back into an episode eventually and am reminded that there is "that thing" I have to deal with.

Originally Posted by Zabine

I was stable for nearly 2 years, alomost forgot about it, then it punched me in the face recently....

Ooookay, I was wondering about that. Well... maybe the pDoc and T know what they're talking about after all, lol. Hope I stay this stable for a long time. It's been about two months now.

[Moose72]

I remember having periods of stability. And my dr writing down that I was in remission. Of course, it comes back around again.... I would GUESS that I'm stable right now, but I'm still on the recent heels of a manic episode.

[thickntired]

I was also misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder probably bc of the suicide attempt and self injury. In retrospect I have no doubt that I go manic, but when I'm in the mania/psychosis I think I'm completly sane and in the right. I wholeheartedly believe ppl are out to get me/following me/interfering with my thoughts etc. Right now I know that is just the mania. Medicated, I tend to have manic episodes about once a year unless outside circumstances cause me to flip. The advice every doctor has given me is no matter how good you feel Do Not stop taking your meds. Today, I think just that - I don't need meds. But, in the past when I've stoppped taking them the result is awful. I lose jobs, friends, money, and self-destruct.

TnT

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by thickntired

I was also misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder probably bc of the suicide attempt and self injury. In retrospect I have no doubt that I go manic, but when I'm in the mania/psychosis I think I'm completly sane and in the right. I wholeheartedly believe ppl are out to get me/following me/interfering with my thoughts etc. Right now I know that is just the mania. Medicated, I tend to have manic episodes about once a year unless outside circumstances cause me to flip. The advice every doctor has given me is no matter how good you feel Do Not stop taking your meds. Today, I think just that - I don't need meds. But, in the past when I've stoppped taking them the result is awful. I lose jobs, friends, money, and self-destruct.

TnT

See, another reason I don't think i'm bipolar. I don't take medication and still generally work pretty well. I wonder if you can have major depressive disorder and hypomania without being bipolar. Because i tend to fit those categories better ("more neatly") then the others. Like, I almost always test to some degree of mania - maybe that's just "me". Whereas, on the other hand, depression has always been an impact on my quality of life to some degree. Its so confusing.

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

See, another reason I don't think i'm bipolar. I don't take medication and still generally work pretty well. I wonder if you can have major depressive disorder and hypomania without being bipolar. Because i tend to fit those categories better ("more neatly") then the others. Like, I almost always test to some degree of mania - maybe that's just "me". Whereas, on the other hand, depression has always been an impact on my quality of life to some degree. Its so confusing.

Possibly you have bipolar II ? I'd take some of the quizzes on this site, but there's no blood test to determine exactly what any of us have. It's very annoying. Have you been tested for ADHD? That can mimic hypomania in some ppl I think.

Good Luck,

TnT

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by thickntired

Possibly you have bipolar II ? I'd take some of the quizzes on this site, but there's no blood test to determine exactly what any of us have. It's very annoying. Have you been tested for ADHD? That can mimic hypomania in some ppl I think.

Good Luck,

TnT

Yeah, Bipolar II would be what I have if I accepted the dx. Never been tested for ADHD but while I have some of the hyper symptoms (forgetfulness,shifting from one uncompleted task to another, procrastination), when I want get the motivation to truly focus, I thoroughly can. In fact, I focus much easier in my hypomanic times, score better on tests, etc. Lol. I guess if I really care, i'll just have to readdress it with T but honestly, i've gotten plenty other things i'd rather worry about. Lol. Thanks again!

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm in one of those stable periods right now and have been for about 3 months. I never knew it was possible to feel this good without being at least a little hypomanic.....I'm happy and relaxed, have energy and so on, but there's no fever in it like there is with hypo/mania.

In fact, I have been SO mellow that I started questioning my diagnosis. I've been thinking that maybe my brain made it all up, that I've just been going through an existential crisis for the past couple of years and it's over now. I don't feel bipolar anymore.....is it possible I've been misdiagnosed?

My friends (several of whom are bipolar) think I'm full of it. I know what got me to this point and I'm not going to mess with it, but OTOH, how would I know for sure if the diagnosis is wrong unless I tried facing the world, and myself, without benefit of this protective shield? I wonder sometimes, but I'm too scared to try.......I know what I went through, and I know how much better my life is today because of meds and therapy.

[Victoria'smom]

I never know when I'm (hypo) maniac or depressed until it's really deep. Depending on symptoms and life changes people can do very well unmedicated. You only get dx'd because your having issues and meds are the fastest way to pull you out of it. If you can successfully achevive stability with out med it's not that you are miss dx'd.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I never know when I'm (hypo) maniac or depressed until it's really deep. Depending on symptoms and life changes people can do very well unmedicated. You only get dx'd because your having issues and meds are the fastest way to pull you out of it. If you can successfully achevive stability with out med it's not that you are miss dx'd.

Ahhh. Something new i've learned. Thanks!

Hypomania symptoms can definitely be brought on by personality disorders. You could be exactly right, it may not be bipolar, it can be your personality. Luckily this can be addressed in therapy.

[ultramar]

In the context of symptoms guiding treatment, if your hypomania's are not 'invasive' (I assume, by this, you mean they do not greatly negatively affect you) then why treat them, right? If what does, in fact, really affect you is depression, then that would be what would need to be treated, I would think.

When something is really kicking you in the b*** then one (and pdocs and therapists) start thinking of how to alleviate that. Whether with medications and/or therapy. In this sense, I'm not sure how useful the label is. Do the hypomania's make taking on the huge short and long-term risks of the medications worth it? On the other hand, does the depression feel like something that necessitates medication specifically for this, something that therapy alone cannot address? These are the questions I'd ask myself. Go with symptoms, your quality of life, and consider treatment from there. I don't think a label alone should guide treatment --it's about whatever you really need help with, and what kind of treatment(s) would be most beneficial.