[Secretum]

I'm not an angry person, but the past few days I've been absolutely rageful. Monday was the worst of it. I just think of every wrong that has ever been committed against me, all the times my friends weren't there enough for me, all of my parents' shortcomings, all the times when I loved the other person more than they loved me-and I'm MAD! It doesn't help that my computer has been having problems, which leads to me screaming profanity at it.

The fact is that I do have a reason to be angry. People do take me for granted and treat me like I'm invisible. I'm always the one planning dates, reaching out to the other person, etc....and I'm sick of it! For once, I just want my friends to invest as much into our friendship as I have. I want to know that I am worth something to them, not the bottom of their priority lists.

So, how do I harness this angry energy to get the kind of mutual relationships I want and deserve? I've used it so far to improve myself- going to the gym, studying, etc. so that they will look at me in a few years and wish they had gotten close to me when they had a chance. But what can I do to get my friends to realize that they need to treat me better in the present?

Also, am I crazy/selfish/narcissistic for believing that I'm entitled to fulfulling, deep relationships with other people? I just want what everyone else has, really. A friend who is as excited to be around me as I am to be around them.

[Victoria'smom]

You may want to start looking at other places for friends that treat you well.

Im not sure if you are male or female but could your menstrual cycle be making you feel this way? I get like this when I have PMS.

[AnxietyGirl916]

Ditto what MiguelsMom said.

You may also need to add something to help with agitation like clonazepam. I have a client that takes is twice a day and it works well for her.

[BlueInanna]

I've been really irritable & rageful too recently. So much of what you're saying are things I've been thinking lately too. Like the "bff's" who only spend much time on me when they're in between men.

My one latest awesome fun yoga friend has fallen in love and is enmeshed in their magic... I am happy for her but still feel a little rejected like our girl power wall has been busted open.

Then thinking about the person I thought I fell in love with over the summer - and wtf was I thinking - how dare he not return my affection haha. But seriously I was wondering if I'm so self centered to be mad that he doesn't feel the same. So I'm mad,'super mad that he didn't want me cuz I'm not a 30 yr old baby maker anymore - so I'm mad at him when I'm the one who took it too fast & got the wrong idea... I've thought a lot about it.

We get attached to people. Dream for the best. Start building this whole fantasy relationship that doesn't even really exist yet. Then when reality hits, we are mourning over this whole shattered fantasy, so it takes time I think to get over it. And hopefully be more cautious with falling in love next time. I'm a romantic so I think yes there's always a next time.

Good job getting to the gym - but do it for you. You are worth it. Screw those people who dont appreciate you. (Although being a senstive person might be amplifying the feelings of disappointment). Keep busy like you're doing, friends & good times will come. I'm riding out the rage & irritibility somehow. It passes but is horrible when in the midst of it.
Hope today is better.

[Secretum]

Thanks for all the support, everyone. Supanova, I had my period a week ago, so I don't think its PMS, but I definitely can see why you'd suspect that. I don't want to add any more meds, because while its uncomfortable, its not unbearable. I also don't want to bother my pdoc. If the irritation or my other hypomanic symptoms get out of hand then maybe I'll contact him. Honestly, though, I'd rather have this x10 any day over the mildest depression.

Blue, I'm sorry that you've been through the same thing. That man missed out on a great opportunity to have a relationship with someone who is smart, caring, and just generally awesome. I hope that the next one who comes along can see who you are and love you for it.

Today has been better. I feel calmer, energetic but more on the euphoric rather than dysphoric side. If the irritability gets bad again, I'll try to manage it with exercise and meditation.