[Skittles56]

...about stopping my antipsychotic. I'm tired of ****ed up sleep patterns. I'm tired of waking up dizzy and stupid. I'm tired of being an utter spaz. I'm tired of losing words. I'm tired of having to work harder than I ever have to think about complex technical concepts. That's my ****ing job. If I can't do it because I'm on some brain **** drug, then I am well and truly ****ed.

I couldn't wake up this morning. I came downstairs and passed out on the love seat. I finally made myself get up. My ankle turned under me and I fell down hard. I hit my head. I was on a conference call with dozens of people from all over the country. I lost a word and just stuttered around like a ****ing retard.

I'm stable. I sometimes wonder if my diagnosis is right. Maybe I'm not bipolar. Maybe the reason I ****ed up my life before was just because I'm an asshole.

My psychiatrist won't tell me not to stop them, but he may also refuse to see me any more. Maybe that would be better. My wife reconciled with me on the condition that I stay on my meds. I could get away with not telling her. I could just flush the pill down the toilet every night.

I'm pissed off and I feel a little hopeless.

[Moose72]

I might go off mine. Like last year, I want to be the real me.

[~Christina]

Well its obvious your current meds are just not going to work, stable is one thing but if you can't go about life due to side effects to whatever medication is it ,., then its not keeping you stable its snowing you under.

If your current Pdoc is unwilling to understand that your quality of life is being beat to hell , then find a new pdoc ...

It's okay to be pissed .. yes it really is okay ... Your only hopeless if you don't look for a better way to help YOU feel better.

[Skittles56]

I've been thinking about getting a new doctor (medication manager is what my insurance calls him). I see him twice a year. He asks me how much sleep I'm getting and to rate my happiness on a scale of one to ten. Once a year he wants liver function blood work. The whole visit lasts about 15 minutes. He diagnosed me in one visit using the DSM-IV interview two and a half years ago.

I keep asking myself if this is going to be my life. I had a stent put in my heart back in May, so now I get to add two more pills to my collection.

I have a little over a million dollars in life insurance. Sometimes I think...

[choocha]

Hi. Maybe it's just that that med is not right for you. You should keep trying new ones until you find one that suits at the right dose. Not all mood stabilisers make you feel that way. I have to stay on my toes for work and need to stay awake doing nightshift, so I don't like stupefying meds either. The MS I take now has little to no side effects. I felt drowziness for a week, now not at all. I can even take a morning dose with no grogginess. So just repeating, you need to go to your doc with your concerns and start trying some new ones. There will be a right med out there for you. Don't give up. Have a little faith. And don't just stop taking it, and without a substitute. Don't stop taking it abruptly either. You will go into severe withdrawals and possibly suffer a major episode. Persevere, it is worth it, and you will get there.
Good luck, take care and keep us posted on your progress and any other developments.

[BlueInanna]

Isn't that nice when pdoc threatens to not treat you anymore... What has happened to customer service I'm serious...
If you're going to flush your pills, make sure it's not something like lithium which they check blood levels for - obviously.
Hope you're ok from the fall - it does sound med related.

[Skittles56]

I'm on Lamictal and Seroquel. Sometimes I think the Lamictal would be enough. The ironic thing is, I used to be on Depakote and I stopped it because of hand tremors. Little did I know I was jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

[BlueInanna]

Lamictal & Seroquel are both supposed to be sedating I think. I was on lamictal for awhile & felt like a zombie doing the motions.

Talk to the doc about these side effects, you can't be losing your balance and forgetting words during meetings, right?

If you liked Depakote except for the hand tremor - I have heard of some other med that can be added to counter act the tremor.

[AnxietyGirl916]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Lamictal & Seroquel are both supposed to be sedating I think. I was on lamictal for awhile & felt like a zombie doing the motions.

I don't have an issues with Lamictal, it's the Abilify that really messes with me. Talk about feeling like a zombie!

[Skittles56]

I look at other people on here who tell their meds and doses. It seems to me that I am overmedicated. I see a lot of people who are at 50 to 100 mg of Lamictal. I'm on 400. I see a lot of people who are on 200 mg of Seroquel. I'm on 300. I went down from 400 because I couldn't wake up in the morning.

I still doubt my diagnosis, but maybe it's because I'm stable.

Doses of medications are different for different people, you need to work out what works for you, not based on what other people were on.

I was on 400mg of lamictal, I think that is a pretty normal dose for people with Bipolar, it doesnt start working until over 200mg anyway. Same with Seroquel, it doenst work as an antipsychotic til it is over 200mg.

I doubt my diagnosis from time to time (only when I am stable or up) but my support network and doctors remind me that it is correct and I need to stay medicated for now. These meds dont sound quite right for you, if your pdoc is not keen to change them, find another. There may be meds out there that dont give you annoying side effects. (although I suspect it is the seroquel giving you the side effects you dont like, lamictal may very well be enough but only you and your doctor know that.)

[noshadows]

I just took myself off my AD, Wellbutrin, because of the crazy side effects. Although Wellbutrin is supposed to make one feel more up than down, I really felt out of it. The worst side effect was jaw clenching and teeth grinding. The last time I felt so unable to control it I felt like ripping my face off and decided that that was it. I haven't experienced any major withdrawal apart from feeling lethargic for a couple of days and waking up from sleep feeling terrified. Apparently that is normal and really only lasted a day or two. I think there is a lack of concern about a clients quality of life in the way pdocs treat bipolar or depression. So you're 'stable' but out of it! Surely there should be a balance, why the hell else do we take the meds? The best idea is to compare being on it and off it. If off it doesn't work, try other meds but don't settle for feeling weird on something that's supposed to make you feel normal!

[Skittles56]

I've been thinking about taking my Seroquel every other day. I wonder if that would work.