Bad day..or week.

So, I know I'm fairly new to the site but I need to do some serious venting. I've been dealing with some serious issues in my personal life. I'm currently still living with my mother as I'm really unable to go to college or get a job at the moment. I have applied at various places, but I'm extremely nervous and wishful at the same time, about getting a call for an interview. The only other job I had was about two years ago (When I was 16) I was a cashier at a fast food restaurant, and that's when most of my symptoms became EXTREMELY noticeable to me. I was really unable to cope at night knowing I had to work the next day, I was petrified that I would screw up or have a panic attack or freak out on a customer, as they can be really rude. Of course, this was before I was diagnosed or being treated. But honestly, like everyone here knows, your symptoms never completely go away. And I honestly don't think I would be able to hold a job as my anxiety levels and up and down moods are very uncontrollable and embarrassing to explain, if I were to have a panic attack mid-work day. My question for any of you out there with a job, HOW? And what sort of environment do you work in? For those of you who are not working, how are you getting by? And has anyone here been put on disability for their disorder? If so, how long did it take?

This wasn't even close to all that was on my mind, but a very large part of it.

Thanks for letting me vent everyone!

It sounds like you jumped into the deep end in your job at the fast-food restaurant. It's a very high-stress, fast-paced environment and would make anyone anxious, in my opinion. I wouldn't discount your ability to work based on that job. Restaurants or retail of any kind might not be the best place for you. Before I went to college, I worked in a bookstore. I managed okay out front, but found that I was happier behind the scenes, working in the distribution center instead. No customers, no phones, just me, the books, and a few coworkers.

During and after college, I worked in hospitals and private medical laboratories, again, mostly behind the scenes, running laboratory tests. I had some patient contact, but not the majority of the time. It was a bit more stressful than the bookstore jobs of course, but I still functioned fairly well and enjoyed my work.

Unfortunately, my bipolar worsened and I wasn't able to work anymore. I went on Social Security Disability in 2000, but was back to work three years later. It wasn't perfect, and I still had hospitalizations, but I managed to work for another seven years before finally having to say enough is enough three years ago. I am back on Social Security and will likely never work again.

Now, as with anything, my story is not necessarily yours. My bipolar disorder went not only untreated, but sometimes incorrectly treated as Major Depression for many years. I wasn't diagnosed properly until I was 30 years old. So, with every untreated episode I had, brain damage was being done. I'm now 43 and have not only the mood issues, but some of the cognitive issues that go along with the progression of the bipolar. If I had been properly diagnosed at age 16 or so, when I started having symptoms of mania, I believe things would have been different. (Actually, it should have been caught when I was 14 after the antidepressant I was put on made me hypomanic, but it never was.)

You're at a much better advantage - you're getting treatment at an early age and have more options available to you.

Have you looked into what might be available through your state's employment security office? They often have job training or different evaluation programs to help you figure out the kind of job that you may be best suited for. It sounds like something behind the scenes may be more your style than dealing with the public on a regular basis. I wouldn't give up on the idea of working. Like you said, your bad experiences at work were before you were getting treatment. Things are different now. You may need to work with your pdoc a little more to get your anxiety under better control if it's still an issue. Yes, we'll always have symptoms eventually, but you can't let that stop you from trying.

I agree with what was said above, that a cashier in a fast-food restaurant is a very high stress environment, and going to be anxiety provoking!

There are plenty of jobs that you could look into that are lower stress and don't involve customer contact. Before going to university I worked as a warehouse picker (you get the order, take the items off the shelves, pack it and ship it) and also did data entry, both of which are low stress, little face to face contact and plenty of opportunity to take a break when you need. There are lots of other options, they just happen to be places I've worked. Good luck finding something that suits you!

i currently don't work or study either.

it's hard

how i get by.. well i just try not to think about it.

it used to bother me a great deal, but how i look at it now is i surely can't be the only person like this at this time

Sorry you are going through so much right now .. I agree with the above advice.

You have to work a certain amount of time "credits" to qualify for SSDI ( disabilty) but you may qualify for SSI which is supplimental income.. If you are young your not going to be receiving very much , certainly not enough to really live off of. Some people qualify quickly and some it can take a couple years.. Its not an easy process . The more documentation you have from your Pdoc the better.. And your Pdoc really needs to agree with you that disability is in your best interests.

If you don't have a T you should look into it.. Talk therapy can help work on anxiety issues .

Good luck and I hope your able to find employment that works for you.

Thanks everyone so very much, you all have given me some great advice and help with dealing with this, and have taken a bit of stress off of me! I won't give up just yet.

From personal experience yea fast food employment can be stressing even more so with the pay. Have you ever looked into construction related jobs. I was a plumbers helper for about a year and what made the job so awesome is that there was something to do every second of the day it didn't give me time to get stressed or think of emotions being that I was so focused on the task at hand kinda doesn't give you time to linger long enough to think yourself into a hole.