alone is the ultimate absence

...hey?

yeh?

...it's like I'm not even there!... and I was the one demanding the space so intimately cruel so immediately essential!

lets all agree right now!... those,.. that!...and few too many more... want to interfere.... and inactivate my emotions that subserviently arrived by freaking chance!

death has been after me in numbers I lost count!

....being alone is the only thing that has kept me alive

I'm glad being alone helps you. It helps me when I'm depressed. Keep on keeping on.

feel better soon.

Hey, I love the writing.
I like being alone, it's the only thing that sometimes, mostly, helps. If explaining these emotions to someone who won't understand anyway, is not going to make a difference anyway, then why try?
I also find that the more I'm alone.......the more I want to be alone........the more I'm alone........and so on till a real thwarted sense of belonging overcomes me. Therefor I try to find someone, who doesn't care about understanding and is willing to be a passive observer or companion (which is not always easy) to just be there or be in close proximity.
Being alone, completely alone, on no one's radar, for me, usually add to the numbers of times death is chasing me.
That being said, I still prefer being alone in hard times, I can handle it, I beat death thus far...