[Manic Trance]

This past week I have been sleeping like 3 or 4 hours a night. Racing around, doing child care for my daughter, working like crazy, working into the night every night. Yesterday I totally crashed. I didn't eat all day, finally met my wife at night, we were supposed to eat, but instead went to this party. At the party I drank and smoked which is bad for my bp, and then I spiraled into this insane black mania. Ended up getting into an explosive fight with my wife, and smashing two bottles of wine on the street. I was chanting that I wanted to kill myself. AH!!! So out of control. I woke up in the middle of the night snapped out of it, and it was as though I had been possessed by a demon or something. This morning I was shakey, mixed moods, crying one minute, laughing the next, just all over the place, and now I feel fine, it's as though the entire episode was a dream.

I have just been diagnosed bp and I am not yet medicated on mood stabilizers? Will medication help me?

What do you guys think. I am so ashamed for being so violent and so out of control and destructive...

Please give me any advice you have to give!
MT

[~Christina]

Well medications could certainly help. But you also need to determine what other activities in your life need to be changed .. The smoking and drinking seemed to spiral you into a bad place so ..Common sense says you will most likely need to avoid these things.

There are numerous medications that can be tried and see how you respond to them, It's pretty common to try different combos of meds til you find what will work for you.

Until those medication begin to work avoid known triggers and focus on learning coping skills. Do you have a Therapist ? If not you really should .. they can really help you with managing BP ..

Sorry you had such a horrible nite, hopefully you won't repeat it again.

[Manic Trance]

Thanks Christina, I'm on it.
Soon...
MT

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well medications could certainly help. But you also need to determine what other activities in your life need to be changed .. The smoking and drinking seemed to spiral you into a bad place so ..Common sense says you will most likely need to avoid these things.

There are numerous medications that can be tried and see how you respond to them, It's pretty common to try different combos of meds til you find what will work for you.

Until those medication begin to work avoid known triggers and focus on learning coping skills. Do you have a Therapist ? If not you really should .. they can really help you with managing BP ..

Sorry you had such a horrible nite, hopefully you won't repeat it again.

[BlueInanna]

Ugh one of those nights :/ Dang...
Smashing the wine was probably a good idea. I love to drink when hypo, but it leads to more hypo & I seem to have hangovers lasting longer than the friends.
So maybe try to be ready for hangover / aftermath / regrets... And go easy on yourself during the time. Listen to Christina, she's got great advice there.
Hang in there

[Victoria'smom]

If you can go to the store and get melitonon it may help slow you a little. When do you see the Dr for meds? Each of us have different combos of meds. All you can really do is tell your wife your sorry, you love her and your trying to get help. Tell her if you scare her tell you and you'll go to the ER or crisis center.

[Manic Trance]

Blue Inanna

OMG! You have no idea how much it means to me to be able to describe something that I am so ashamed of to someone and have them know what I am talking about. These moments of mine are moments that I have done everything in my power to hide from people my whole life. To have some understanding is an incredible relief!
<3
MT

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Ugh one of those nights :/ Dang...
Smashing the wine was probably a good idea. I love to drink when hypo, but it leads to more hypo & I seem to have hangovers lasting longer than the friends.
So maybe try to be ready for hangover / aftermath / regrets... And go easy on yourself during the time. Listen to Christina, she's got great advice there.
Hang in there

[ultramar]

When I used to drink -and a lot- I occasionally had meltdowns, often resulting in crazy/out of control arguments with my then husband (who also drank and would have meltdowns of his own -nice pair). By sometime that night or the next day (which at times were the same thing) meltdown would be over, guilt and shame setting in.

But since I stopped drinking (or almost entirely) I haven't had any such experiences. For me, at least, it was the extreme drinking -toxic, hell on the mood and cognitive processing (to put it lightly). I'm not sure any medication can help that much with meltdowns stemming from substances -the chemicals in the substances can way outdo those in medications.

And drinking + huge amounts of stress, as in your case, that can lead to a pretty explosive situation -your defenses are down.

[Amelie10]

You are describing a normal night for me before I got properly diagnosed and on the right meds. Before that my nights of drinking would result in all kinds of crazy shenanigans. Once my husband and I got in a huge fight. He stormed out and I was trying to relax so I lit candles all over the house including this huge candelabra and then I got really drunk and passed out. When he returned home there was one candle that was too close to the wall and it was starting to get really smoky.

Sadly it still took many more crazy nights like that before I got the help I needed. The meds and therapy helped so much, but eventually I also had to give up alcohol completely. It was not easy. I needed the help of a recovery group to do it, but it has been the best thing I have ever done. I am a different person because of all these things.

You are in the right place. Get the help you need and you will be amazed how different your life will be.....not perfect.....but better....way better.

[Manic Trance]

Thank you for this.
I'm on it...
Soon...
MT

Originally Posted by Amelie10

You are describing a normal night for me before I got properly diagnosed and on the right meds. Before that my nights of drinking would result in all kinds of crazy shenanigans. Once my husband and I got in a huge fight. He stormed out and I was trying to relax so I lit candles all over the house including this huge candelabra and then I got really drunk and passed out. When he returned home there was one candle that was too close to the wall and it was starting to get really smoky.

Sadly it still took many more crazy nights like that before I got the help I needed. The meds and therapy helped so much, but eventually I also had to give up alcohol completely. It was not easy. I needed the help of a recovery group to do it, but it has been the best thing I have ever done. I am a different person because of all these things.

You are in the right place. Get the help you need and you will be amazed how different your life will be.....not perfect.....but better....way better.

[nachocheese]

relating to your terrible times...seek help quickly before you have more regrets than you can handle and trust me, it makes life unbearable sometimes. I too want to hide from the world for the things I have done and said. Unfortunately you can't take those things back and you lose important relationships for it too.

[Zabine]

This sounds like my 20's............Gotta stop the booze, seriously.