[Pughead]

Hey all. Primary care doc and psychologist think I have BP, and apparently, so does the psychcentral.com screening quiz.

I'm waiting till January to get in to see a psychiatrist for a clinical diagnosis. My PCP put me on depakote (1000 mg) and I've been taking SSRI's for 2 years.

I finally went to the doc last month because of severe problems with rage, but I wasn't really depressed. In fact, most days I had felt pretty good. I had also had several panic attacks last month. My PCP got me started on the valproic acid and it does seem to be helping.

When I think about it, I have almost certainly had hypomania episodes in the past...and two years ago I was at the lowest of the low, which is when I started on SSRI's. I definitely seem to fit the bill.

The wait for getting an "official" diagnosis is bothersome. I feel like, I just want to know that it is what it is so I can't figuring out how to deal with it for the rest of my life.

That's about all, thought I'd say "hi" and give a brief introduction.

I'm a Male, 27 yr. old husband/father, good career as a software developer/consultant.

Signed,

Ribbithead

[Soidhonia]

Hello ribbithead. I am glad that you have found this site. Take care Sincerely Soidhonia

[Pughead]

Thanks for the welcome.

Man, I picked a strange screen name, didn't I?

Anyway, I'm just anxiously awaiting my first visit with the psychiatrist, just 3 weeks to go now. I have a very tough time remembering things especially in respect to time, so I've been typing things up, printing them and then destroying the file on the computer. I hope these will help. I know they helped me to open up some old cans of worms.

Waiting...waiting...waiting and fighting.

[bizi]

Dear ribbithead,
is that the name of your dog?
let us know how it goes and hoping that the depokote helps stabilise your moods.
keep pposting journaling, writing down questions for the docs ahead of time to discussw them....and not forget what you wanted to talk about..just bring the list with you on your next appointment.
good luck and glad that you are getting the help that you deserve.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

hey, hang on. i've waited three months for an appointment for the 21st of this month. it's awful to have the suspense but a good DX is better than not knowing.

good luck, pat

[gwen26]

hi,
just hang in there and don't be so quick to give up on the doctors, mediences, and or counseling. continue on for the erratic behavior that most bipolar people, such as myself, end up losing a lot of things and people ( im separted from my hubsand due to my actions). continue to seek support ( many women from my church help me).please don't give up.
gwen

[Pughead]

Thanks all. I'll stay in there. I'm happy with my psychologist and see him once a week. I've written down a ton of stuff for him. I will photo copy it and bring it to the "pdoc" next month.

About the name...I dunno why I chose "ribbithead", it just popped into my head and sounded funny. I got it changed to Pughead now, which is much more appropriate. I have 1 fawn and 1 black pug.

I didn't want to use my regular handle on other forums, because someone could connect the dots and actually figure out who I am. Paranoia? Maybe, maybe not.

[Pughead]

Today is not a good day. I'm very tired, lethargic, and my kids are making everything worse. On top of it all, my wife decided it would be a great idea to paint the kids' rooms this weekend, so I'm dealing with the constipated screaming kids while she paints. They scream for mommy. I am useless.



Should I stop taking depakote during these phases?

[charlajustin]

Hang in there Pug. I am a mommy and mine scream for me and I am useless. So your not alone in that boat.

How old are your kids? I have twin 4 year old girls and a 3 year old boy and man can they really scream and make me crazy.

When I feel my anger / frustration building, I take them to the kitchen and sit them at the table and give them their crayons and coloring books. Or find one of their favorite movies and let them watch it. I usually will fill their juice cups and make them a snack bowl as well ( pretzels, a few chips, some tiny marshmallows, cheerios, etc.. ) to keep them occupied while they watch their movie. That usually gives me time to calm down completely or at least enough to tolerate the next round of screaming and running around.

I am not sure about if you should stop taking the meds. Have you called your doc. and asked him? If he is not available try the doctor on call or leave a message with his service to contact you.

Hope you are feeling better.

[Pughead]

They are 2 yr old twins...girls. They are getting their two-year molars and one is extremely constipated. We gave her an enema this morning but didn't do a very good job of it. But me wife didn't really help me at all today until the end of the day. And now she's pissed at me like usual for being in a bad mood. This is so typical.

[DaveyJones]

Hi, Pughead...

You should never change your meds unless it's with your doctor's knowledge and agreement.

Stability and patience are the keys to living with this disorder. Unfortunately, these are two qualities that we often don't have a great deal of!

I hope things work for you...keep it up!

DJ

[JonB]

I'm certainly not the best person to comment on it, but those who've said sticking with meds and having patience are probably right. It's a constant struggle for me to remember that and think of the long term benefits. Hope your pdoc is helpful and knows his/her stuff. It always gives me more confidence to have a pdoc who at least gives the illusion of having a clue about what they are doing - and doing with me in particular. I've had some real quacks, but have a great one now. I just have to remember to lay everything on the table when I'm there. Sounds like your ready to take it on with the stuff you've got for him to see.

As for the kiddos. Best of luck. I've got a sick kid right now and it wears on everyone's nerves. They are so pitiful when they aren't feeling well. Of course, when you're a parent you do what has to be done whether you get any help or not cause that's what we signed up for when we had the little cuties.

I gave up long ago at trying to be the best parent/spouse and now I'm just shooting for good enough. The stress of the season doesn't help either. My method of fighting the bad mood that seems to pass back and forth between us is to take lots of deep breaths and smile when I don't really want to and say nice things that I'm sure I mean deep down in my heart even if I don't feel them at the moment. I figure my best shot at getting my family to be nice to me is to be nice to them.

Of course, I have plenty of lousy ways of dealing with the stress too but I wouldn't want to give anyone any bad ideas. I can only hope the mania will shine through in a constructive way and I can do something amazing and helpful and everyone will be all smiles again.

At least you'll be getting a dx and that usually comes with a plan and even if the plan changes it's still better than no plan at all.

Does your spouse know your dx or attend therapy with you? Mine doesn't and I'm not interested in that, but my T often tells me that great benefits can come from that. I don't know if any other bp folks here have experienced couples/family therapy, but I'd be interested in hearing how it goes. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to try it. Not there yet.

There is hope. Keep on keeping on as they say

[Pughead]

Thanks all for the encouragement. I feel better today. Actually last night after my kids went to bed I had a couple beers and it seemed to snap me out of the negative thought patterns, which are many times delusional. But then I realize what a d*ck I was the whole day and I feel horrible.

We gave our daughter another enema this morning and did it right. But, good God that amount should NOT come out of a 2-yr old!

My T has suggested having my husband come in on his own, but I'm too paranoid about that, I don't want him to get any "ammunition" from her, if she inadvertantly lets something slip about what I've told her about him or something.

My delusions tend to focus around him, but I don't want him to know the full extent of it. Meds are helping, but I still feel very vulnerable around him.

He could use some more education about bp & its symptoms. Sometimes I'll give him an article to read. I can't express myself to him very well. I cry too easily.--Suzy

[bizi]

HI there,
what about going in there together instead...that way you know exactly what is being said to help ward off the paranoia.....
hang in there
bizi

[Pughead]

Lots of my delusional thoughts are about my spouse as well. It would really scare me to bring what's in my head out into the open...not only the delusional thoughts but the very violent thoughts I have.

[charlajustin]

I can't even begin to verbalize or type some of the thoughts I have in my brain sometimes about my spouse. I love him dearly and I know he loves me but ( and of course there is always that BUT ) have my delusional thoughts that think the contrary on everything.

As to your twins. Have you tried taking a wash cloth, wetting it with cold water and letting them each have one and chew on it? Or even place a wet wash cloth in the freezer let it get super cold or freeze? Then give it to them to chew on. Baby Oragel (sp) helps also but, only so much. The wash cloths are what finally worked with mine, every time they were cutting a tooth or molar out came the freezing cold wash cloths and it worked like a charm. Every time I would give them a wash cloth to chew on, I would put two more in the freezer.

Just some ideas to help you. Hope all is going ok for you today.

I think I would just cry. My husband doesn't realize the extent of pain I feel from him...I overdosed recently when he gave me a negative comment--he has too much control over me & my emotions--I don't want him to know how vulnerable I am

That post was in response to my husband & I going into see my therapist together. It may not have tracked well!--Suzy

[Pughead]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Suzy5654 said:
That post was in response to my husband & I going into see my therapist together. It may not have tracked well!--Suzy

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That's ok. It's where the conversation seemed to be going. I too think my spouse (my wife) has too much influence I would say...and sometimes that influence turns into downright control of my entire mind it feels like.