[henrydavidtherobot]

My T is a really nice lady, but she constantly tells me "I don't know", "I wish I could wave my magic wand and make it go away", and "sometimes, you just have to stick out the ****** parts of life" (ie, my last two years). I think that it may be making me feel worse because I leave and then I'm sad because I feel that even a T can't help me so there is no hope. I feel hopeless enough as is.

[~Christina]

Sometimes you get stuck in Therapy ... So you can either talk to T and express your needs and maybe look at another approach ..or find a new T and see if things work better.

[henrydavidtherobot]

OK. I am happy to hear that this is typical. I do keep asking her, "so what do I do" and all I've really been hearing from her is to stick it out or see if I am pushing people away. I think that I'll stick it out with her for now since I lose her services when I graduate this semester.

maybe you could come up with some kind of goal you would like to work towards and choose that as something to do in therapy...cbt, or a personal goal of some sort. that way you won't feel like you are just turning your wheels in therapy.

[thickntired]

I recently changed therapists bc I also felt like I was not getting anywhere in therapy. Don't feel bad or like it's your fault. Finding a therapist you click with can take time as you're building an important relationship. You need to feel like you can share traumas or major life events and know this person has your back. I think it is very unusual for ppl to find a therapist that works on the very first try. I start with the small stuff and if they can't help me there I'll move on before opening up to my deep issues.

Good Luck,

TnT

[henrydavidtherobot]

I can talk with her about anything, I just feel like we're at the point where she can't help me find a goal. Mine is to be happy and to have people not treat me horribly all the time. It's pretty unrealistic.

[Victoria'smom]

My T really doesn't offer advice, lately she has but mainly not. A lot of times it seems to be her reminding me things that I have said in saner times. I think it depends what you 'want' T for.

[A Red Panda]

Have you talked to your T much about your actual interests or things that you would like to do? Your T can't really read your mind, and I don't think many of them are ok with just saying "You should go and do X-activity". My T won't - my goals have to be set by me, but he'd help refine them once I said what I wanted. Have you and your T talked about how to set realistic expectations for others? It might be something worth talking about if you haven't.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Panda, I have talked with her about my goals. She just says sorry and seems to feel sorry for me for having people treat me ****** all of the time.

[Moose72]

I had a therapist that i was looking forward to seeing. Someone new. Someone to help me figure out my life. After I explained everything to her she looked at me and said, "Well what do you want me to do about it?" I was furious at her. I never went back. Its not that Ithought she'd fix everything but her response was downright rude and mean.

[Mental reward]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

My T is a really nice lady, but she constantly tells me "I don't know", "I wish I could wave my magic wand and make it go away", and "sometimes, you just have to stick out the ****** parts of life" (ie, my last two years). I think that it may be making me feel worse because I leave and then I'm sad because I feel that even a T can't help me so there is no hope. I feel hopeless enough as is.

Eww. I would feel a bit unhappy with her approach. Being nice is credible, but not helpful sometimes. Being informative in ways you feel you need, that's valuable. It's hard to find one that can give you a perspective that isn't about something being ******

[henrydavidtherobot]

moose, was that a first session?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

moose, was that a first session?

First and only.

[henrydavidtherobot]

mental, she does say that she thinks that a lot will be better when I move to a better place. But even when I ask what I can do now to not cry every night, she can't give me an answer.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

mental, she does say that she thinks that a lot will be better when I move to a better place. But even when I ask what I can do now to not cry every night, she can't give me an answer.

Im sorry

[Anika.]

Sounds like maybe she just does talk therapy sort of deal...you talk..she listens? I had a T like this and did not find it helpful. Maybe you do need to look for a T that does cbt or dbt type therapy or something other than listening? That might help some people but not everyone.

I also felt like maybe my T just couldn't help me, but not therapy as a whole. I don't think she practised the type of therapy I needed. I ended up learning dbt skills and other skills by myself which really did help a lot. Doing workbooks, reading and giving myself my own homework. I did that because another T was not an option for me money wise. But don't feel like you are beyond being helped. If anything just a mix match of what a t offers and what you might need.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I guess I don't know what to do. I lose therapy when I graduate in 7 weeks.

[ultramar]

You've mentioned issues with black and white thinking, fears of abandonment and others. Maybe you could focus on these and come up with concrete goals as to what it would look like and feel like for you to improve on these things. These things getting better may end up helping you with your mood as well..

You can't really change how other people are or react to you, so I'm not sure that's an accomplishable goal. You can only work on you, at the end of the day.

If she's not helping, you could look for someone else.

[henrydavidtherobot]

ultra, that is a good idea. thank you. and thank you for validating that I can't control others. I feel like my T is always suggest what I can do to change how others see me.

[Zabine]

"black and white thinking, fears of abandonment, etc." Sounds like borderline personality..... Try Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT has helped me a lot with these issues..... I self study. When I went to DBT I made friends in there that I call, text or email when I need help now that I can't do DBT anymore. That and working the book on my own has been very helpful. Hope this helps.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Zabine, I get that all of the time! My T thinks that I narrowly avoiding developing it. What is this book that you speak about?

[Zabine]

It is called The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. It is green and is available for around $15. I bought it on kindle for like $9, I have it on my Mac, iPad, iPhone as well as my hard copy.