Cyclothymia? Bipolar Disorder?

Hi everyone,

For a while now (a year or two) I've had what I would call an "abnormal mood" condition, which I used to assume was Borderline Personality Disorder. I've never bothered to go to a Psych because, like a lot of people who function normally, I've felt it's not really necessary.

Regardless, this mood condition used to alternate such that the slightest knock to my competence in anything I cared about would make me feel depressed for a matter of hours. I'm fairly sure normal people don't get so heavily affected by such simple things. Conversely, I also had times where I felt very "good" and "calm" about things, almost too peaceful. I just waited for something to wrong in such times because I felt like I was coasting too easily.

Of late, however, the depressive element seems to have diminished considerably. The more salient issue these days (if you can even call it that) is that I'm "too happy" at times. I know that may sound odd to normal people, but I also know that normal people don't erratically and spontaneously feel euphoric for no reason. Some days I literally walk down the street with a smile on my face for no good reason. If I were an onlooker and saw someone with that expression I'd assume they'd just fallen in love or something, but I have no actual "reason" to feel that happy, often I just do.

It's kind of like someone slipped me medication to cause dopamine spikes or something. This has been happening more frequently lately. I can have multiple days in a row where I feel very happy, perhaps averaging at least a day a week. Mostly, however I'm either happy or neutral.

Take note, this isn't normal happiness either, rather it seems to follow the "delusional" (but not psychotic) type of "euphoria" that someone would experience on a drug. I start thinking that every little aspect of the world is amazing, I start feeling like I can accomplish far more than I currently do and that perhaps I should try and champion a new global cause, or start a worldwide business. That there is so much to do in this world and that I could push myself to do much, much more. Now clearly this is delusional, however at the time that doesn't bother me and anything and everything seems possible.

As I previously mentioned, I used to think I had BPD, however, I have no abandonment issues, no history of abuse, I'm pretty confident in general and am happy on my own. Moreover, I don't self-harm or act impulsively (I feel the urge to when I'm euphoric though). To me this only leaves Cyclothymia or Bipolar Disorder, however, my mood swings don't seem extreme or long-lasting enough to classify me as likely being Bipolar. Thus, I'm at a loss and was wondering what others had to say about this. Most of you likely have more experience with this than I, and as such I would appreciate any input.

Thanks.

You do seem to be feeling good lol. Go see a dr, seriously, you shouldn't dx yourself.

Yeah, I know, but I'd rather not run down the whole "shrink" route thing unless it's a last resort. I don't want to ever have that hold me back from a job or make me considered to be a liability for whatever reason. Kind of like how people don't want criminal records. Though, obviously a psych evaluation isn't the same thing, it's still something I'd prefer not to have on record until it's really necessary, i.e. disturbing my everyday life and work.

Do jobs really search up your psych records? If so, I'm screwed.

This is absolutely preposterous, I am actually a little offended. In my line of work I require a clearance, I have had one for 12 years. In fact mine was just upgraded......

Regardless, this mood condition used to alternate such that the slightest knock to my competence in anything I cared about would make me feel depressed for a matter of hours

The above sounds like something that might be helped by therapy, if you're interested in doing that. Are you acting on your impulses when you're feeling euphoric? Euphoria can be fun, for anyone I suppose, unless it goes bad.

I would think about your quality of life, what you think most needs to be worked on, and seek treatment if you want to accordingly. Maybe you could start with therapy and if that doesn't eventually seem like enough, seek out a psychiatrist for diagnosis and meds. If you feel your euphoria might take a wrong turn, you could go straight to a psychiatrist. Mental illness doesn't go on some sort of record and affect jobs, etc., so I wouldn't worry about that.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Do jobs really search up your psych records? If so, I'm screwed.

I don't think most employers check psych records. However, they are sometimes required to know about certain medical conditions and psych conditions can fall under that umbrella. It really depends on what type of work you're in. I think for the most part no employer is going to care (or even bother) about your psych history. It's more, for me, a case of pros and cons. I'm quite high-functioning in general (as a PhD student) and thus don't believe the cons (albeit very minimal) of adding a psych to my regime would be worth it. I'm doing this more out of interest than need, is what I'm trying to say.

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Originally Posted by Zabine This is absolutely preposterous, I am actually a little offended. In my line of work I require a clearance, I have had one for 12 years. In fact mine was just upgraded......

I apologize if I offended you, I simply meant to say that psychiatric conditions may be taken into account as per medical conditions. As such, an individual could be excluded from a particular vocation on the grounds of possessing a certain psychiatric condition just like one could be excluded due to a certain medical condition. It all depends heavily on a number of variables though, including vocation, psychiatric condition, severity, level of functionality etc.

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Originally Posted by ultramar The above sounds like something that might be helped by therapy, if you're interested in doing that.

That's true, but for the most part it seems quite under control.

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Originally Posted by ultramar Are you acting on your impulses when you're feeling euphoric? Euphoria can be fun, for anyone I suppose, unless it goes bad.

I've never actually acted on the impulses in any negative or substantial way, they just don't last long enough. I still seem to have the rational ability to discern major consequential life impacts such as quitting university on a whimsical desire.

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Originally Posted by ultramar I would think about your quality of life, what you think most needs to be worked on, and seek treatment if you want to accordingly. Maybe you could start with therapy and if that doesn't eventually seem like enough, seek out a psychiatrist for diagnosis and meds.

That's a hard point for me to take on board because my quality of life is pretty good. I'm satisfied with myself, my accomplishments and my position in life and I don't regret things. I'm quite content as I am, however there is clearly room for improvement, as always. Regardless, I understand where you're coming from.

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Originally Posted by ultramar If you feel your euphoria might take a wrong turn, you could go straight to a psychiatrist. Mental illness doesn't go on some sort of record and affect jobs, etc., so I wouldn't worry about that.

I agree with that, I guess in this case I'd tend to follow the principles that the DSM usually lays out to the effect of: "[once] the symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning."

don't Bogart the Dopamine, pass some of it my way

Seriously, could be any thing, I get the same thing, my diagnoses changes, I forget what I am now. See a doc. Enjoy the happy days!

I would ride it out as long it you are functioning and not acting on the impulses. If your thought start racing or the euphoria turns to agitation, then go see a doctor. Or if you fall into a depression then see a doctor. For now, I would say just stay very self aware. Maybe exercise to burn off some of the energy. And enjoy yourself!