I question everything. Each mood, each pain. Everything gets blamed on my bipolar and this morning I am thinking, "This is IMPOSSIBLE!" I've had this so long I don't know. I grew up not trusting these emotions, but most of me must be me, right? The emotions I tend to believe are those in mania and deep depression, but that is flawed. I know that after the fact, but not until it ends. What is hardest are these shades in between.

How do you know which parts of you are bipolar and which are just you?

I'm having huge trouble with this lately. Everything in my life seems to be a symptom of bipolar, I dont know where the illness ends and I begin.

[cool09]

How do you know which parts of you are bipolar and which are just you?

Excellent question. People with severe mood disorders usually don't have good insight into their illness. The illness becomes you and that's how you live your life day to day. It's like a syndrome. It took me decades to figure out what exactly was going on in my head, what triggers me, etc. And Mental Health Professionals certainly didn't help (and many didn't try or want to help).

I always knew something was wrong (and others did, too) but I didn't know what it was and just tried to push forward with all of my dysfunctionality and shortcomings. My attention has always been split: half of me trying to manage my symptoms and half of me trying to get on with my life. That takes a lot out of me.

Try to find a good Doc who will listen and is intelligent (and with zero hangups). Took me 20 yrs to find a Doc like that. Good luck - Rob

[Victoria'smom]

Every emotion is me. It's the actions that are not. I'm not usually a person that yells a lot, I'm not usually a person that like to sleep a lot so thoughs actions are not me but the emotions are they are just more intense than they should be. That doesn't mean that they are not me they are just amplified at times because of BP. It doesn't mean you can't trust them.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Every emotion is me. It's the actions that are not. I'm not usually a person that yells a lot, I'm not usually a person that like to sleep a lot so thoughs actions are not me but the emotions are they are just more intense than they should be. That doesn't mean that they are not me they are just amplified at times because of BP. It doesn't mean you can't trust them.

I never thought of it this way before. I like that. I have always thought of my bipolar as a separate MONSTER. Thank you.

[Eaglescout787]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Every emotion is me. It's the actions that are not. I'm not usually a person that yells a lot, I'm not usually a person that like to sleep a lot so thoughs actions are not me but the emotions are they are just more intense than they should be. That doesn't mean that they are not me they are just amplified at times because of BP. It doesn't mean you can't trust them.

Such a great post judt hearing someone else say that emotions are just simply amplified at times. Helps me realize its not just me being loopy

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Every emotion is me. It's the actions that are not. I'm not usually a person that yells a lot, I'm not usually a person that like to sleep a lot so thoughs actions are not me but the emotions are they are just more intense than they should be. That doesn't mean that they are not me they are just amplified at times because of BP. It doesn't mean you can't trust them.

Thank you for that MM. Made more sense to me than anything in a long time. I'm all emotion, can't barely tell the difference between thoughts. Maybe thoughts help me choose my actions, reactions, behaviors.

[A Red Panda]

All of it's me. There's the Up-Me, the Baseline-Me and the Depressed-Me. But they're each still me. If it's a behaviour/attitude/etc that's only around during a certain time... then it's either part of the Up-Me or Depressed-Me. If it's something about me that is across the board... then it's just plain and simply me.

[Moose72]

When I'm manic, I get so high that my perceptions of the world are very askew. How do you explain that? The delusions? The hallucinations?

[naejannej]

Originally Posted by Supanova

I'm having huge trouble with this lately. Everything in my life seems to be a symptom of bipolar, I dont know where the illness ends and I begin.

Hit the nail on the head for me.

Originally Posted by Moose72

When I'm manic, I get so high that my perceptions of the world are very askew. How do you explain that? The delusions? The hallucinations?

Idk. I have psychotic symptoms too. A person can't control themselves when out of touch with reality. I was thinking more of emotions, but these other symptoms cannot be taken out of the bipolar picture.

I like the idea of more self-acceptance because I've never had that. Maybe my delusions and paranoia and the odd hallucination are just me too. A twisted up me. I guess that's why the medications are so effective. I don't have bipolar. I am bipolar and bipolar is me. But does that hold out any hope for a future cure?

I think we need to think on this some more.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by RR18

Idk. I have psychotic symptoms too. A person can't control themselves when out of touch with reality. I was thinking more of emotions, but these other symptoms cannot be taken out of the bipolar picture.

I like the idea of more self-acceptance because I've never had that. Maybe my delusions and paranoia and the odd hallucination are just me too. A twisted up me. I guess that's why the medications are so effective. I don't have bipolar. I am bipolar and bipolar is me. But does that hold out any hope for a future cure?

I think we need to think on this some more.

Without meds, it IS us! Its like how the colored leaves of the Fall are the true colors of the leaves; only in Spring and Summer does the chlorophil cover this color up. That's like us and meds: With meds, our true selves are covered up.

I think that can be a good thing.

[ultramar]

Maybe if you try and focus on the emotions that are not bipolar, it will help you feel less taken over by it? Assuming you go through times in 'baseline' mode (not symptomatic), during these times you (anyone with bipolar, really, I think), will go through a whole slew of emotions, and moods as well. You may be happy, sad, nervous, vulnerable, hopeless, hopeful, feel connected, feel disconnected, feel numb, feel intense, enthusiastic, bored... All of this, and so much more, is you. Whatever likes, dislikes, hobbies, opinions, etc. --this is all you, at least when you're stable (as these may change when unstable).

Just keep in mind that not every mood (and the above that I mention) is bipolar. Bipolar Disorder does not determine your political views, the movies you like, the books you like, the people you like, and do not like, to spend time with... All you!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by RR18

I think that can be a good thing.

Yes, our true selves can sort of be chaotic and yes there are extremes and mellows in anybody.