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  #1  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 09:49 AM
RenjiCat's Avatar
RenjiCat RenjiCat is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,056
I can't stop balling.. not just crying..balling to the point that I can't breathe. Nothing is going right! Everything keeps crumbling. Every time something seems to be going right, it does a 1-80 and I end up on my face. Let me list the things:

1. No job- I keep applying but no one is calling me
2. Unemployment running out - 6 weeks left
3. Vocational Rehab- I can't even apply until my T signs off that I'm stable
4. Thyroid- I finally found a doctor who sees patients on a sliding scale, but they included my boyfriend's income (even though he doesn't give me money) saying that I benefit from his job. So they want me to pay $70/visit. I broke down in the doctor's office when she told me the fee. So much so that she dropped the fee to $45 for the first visit. She said we would go from there... (so somewhat good I guess)
5. I'm having horrible anxiety
6. I keep having horrible, uncontrollable crying spells
7. I checked my Food Stamps account (I get my benefits on the 1st) and instead of the $200 I usually get it was only $16! I called the main office and they told me that my case worker added my unemployment and they deducted it from my benefits. So I have $16 for the whole month. How am I supposed to eat on $16 a month?? She said if I could give proof once my unemployment ends they will "review my case at that time"
8. I called Mama to tell her (so I could talk it out and calm down). She screamed at me.. so that didn't help... at all.

I don't want this to sound like a pity party so I'll end by naming some things that I have good in my life:

1. My girls
2. My boyfriend
3. A supportive family (for the most part)
4. A safe place to live
5. I get to see my T and pdoc at no cost (Thank You God!)
6. My meds are affordable (so far)
7. I see my pdoc today and my T Monday
__________________
Renji

Dx: Bipolar I and PTSD
Rx: Bupropion 200mg 2x
Gabapentin 300mg 3x
Levothyroxin 75mcg 1x
Quetiapine 50mg 1x


Reminder: You are not a tree
Hugs from:
Anonymous100104, Anonymous200280, Anonymous33255, Blue_Bird, bronzeowl, gayleggg, shezbut

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  #2  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 09:57 AM
Zabine's Avatar
Zabine Zabine is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 134
I am sorry you are struggling so much. You do have a lot of good things in your life, it is great that you can appreciate it and are using your coping skills!
Thanks for this!
RenjiCat
  #3  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 11:30 AM
gayleggg's Avatar
gayleggg gayleggg is offline
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Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 26,619
(((((((RenjiCat )))))))))
You do have a lot going on that would cause a anyone to crash. I think it is great that you can find good in the world even through the tears. Just take one step at a time. You'll get through it all.
__________________
Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin

"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha
Thanks for this!
RenjiCat
  #4  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 11:39 AM
Anonymous33255
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Posts: n/a
((((((RenjiCat)))))) So sorry you're going thru this stress! Sending good thoughts and hopes for a better today for you
Thanks for this!
RenjiCat
  #5  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 03:42 PM
RenjiCat's Avatar
RenjiCat RenjiCat is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,056
Thank you everyone! I saw my pdoc a bit ago. He upped my Bupropion and added Quetiapine instead of the Trazodone. He's hopeful this will work. I sure hope so! I broke down in the pdoc's waiting room.. that makes the 4th time today! Let's hope my night goes better. I'm getting my youngest in a couple of hours to spend some extra time with her. I hope I can cheer up before then!
__________________
Renji

Dx: Bipolar I and PTSD
Rx: Bupropion 200mg 2x
Gabapentin 300mg 3x
Levothyroxin 75mcg 1x
Quetiapine 50mg 1x


Reminder: You are not a tree
Hugs from:
Anonymous100104
  #6  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 04:14 PM
A Red Panda's Avatar
A Red Panda A Red Panda is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Gallifrey
Posts: 4,166
I don't understand why they would include your boyfriend's income? Are you actually common-law from living together for a long time?

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. That would be a huge shock to have such a huge cutback!
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."

"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.


  #7  
Old Nov 01, 2013, 04:51 PM
RenjiCat's Avatar
RenjiCat RenjiCat is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,056
Nope. TN does not recognize common law marriages. I tried to explain to her that he doesn't pay any of my bills or give me an allowance. She said because I live with him and I benefit from his income (house, electricity, internet, etc) they must include his income in considering what amount I will pay. He makes pretty good so I have to pay the largest amount. Although she did discount my first visit.
__________________
Renji

Dx: Bipolar I and PTSD
Rx: Bupropion 200mg 2x
Gabapentin 300mg 3x
Levothyroxin 75mcg 1x
Quetiapine 50mg 1x


Reminder: You are not a tree
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