[BipolaRNurse]

So, I'm coming down off this latest down-the-rabbit-hole experience, and as usual my memories of it are already fading. But one night at the peak of the mania, I was laying in bed at 4 AM wide awake, restless and agitated as hell, and all of a sudden I was seeing shadows on the wall morphing into all sorts of grotesque shapes that scared the $#!+ out of me.

There was nothing that could have made shadows. There are no trees on that side of the house, no moonlight, no nightlights, and the room is pitch black. But either my imagination was going crazy or I was hallucinating, and all I could do was keep telling myself that I wasn't seeing what I was seeing. The only other times I've done that were when I had a high fever, but I haven't been sick (well, not physically).

Then next day, I kept refusing to call my pdoc because I just KNEW he was going to put me in the hospital. I have no idea why, I guess it was just a little paranoia talking. And for some reason, I left that out when I did talk to him.

So what do you all think of this? I've never done this before during a manic episode that I can remember.

[BlueInanna]

I'd call it slight hallucination. The eyes play tricks in the dark & shadows. I have these slight ones often but like you, I know they're not "real". I think that's a big factor, not positive, but whether you know it is real or not. Others will know more about this & if its severe or concerning. When I see the shadows, they might startle me at first, but usually I can choose what imaginary shape to morph them into. Hope you're ok.

[Moose72]

I'd call them hallucinations, but not scary ones. Just watch and enjoy and take note. And by the way, I call it going down the rabbit hole when I get hospitalized.

[BlueInanna]

I don't ever want to go down the rabbit hole!

[BipolaRNurse]

Me neither!

The shadow-monsters were definitely scary. I almost woke my husband to take a look and find out if he saw what I was seeing, but I was afraid he'd think I was crazy. I did tell him today, and I think I'll share it with my pdoc next Friday and let him sort it out. It's kind of embarrassing because nothing like this has ever happened to me before, which is why I'm asking you guys.

You'd think that as a nurse, I'd be reasonably well-versed in all this stuff, but I am a total blithering idiot when I'm the patient.

[~Christina]

Seeing things , hallucinations, psychosis , doesn't mean a gold first class ticket to the psych ward.. I deal with this stuff daily for the most part. Its annoying as hell as times .

Some of the things are scarey scarey things .. Talk to your Pdoc for sure , but also tell your husband that you have seen things and pdoc is aware and that you might need to wake him at nite for him to reassure you that he doesn't see anything.

I think all the stress you are under and have been under for oh ,,,, Months ! Is just making matters worse.

Be safe . Try to self ground and if all else fails snuggle with your hubby .