[wildflowerchild25]

That's it. I can't work right now. Monday I spent the first two periods crying I the bathroom. Every day so far I have cried in the bathroom or my classroom at least twice. We have done no learning this week because I can barely focus. I have panic attacks off and on all day. I had one as soon as I came in the building today.

I left my pdoc a wreck yesterday because I am out of antidepressants to try. I am completely drained and hopeless at this point. She nearly called the cops and mobile crisis to come get me when I got home. My husband talked her out of it. Then he spent an hour and half hurling insults at me while I just sat there,dead, to "get a reaction". He said he was divorcing me, taking our son, bipolar is a bullsh!t diagnosis, it's actually just my fault, I'm not trying hard enough, I just don't care, I'm just listening to my doctors etc etc etc. all, he said later, designed to make me mad. He apparently doesn't mean any of it. But how can I believe him when he says he doesn't mean it. Why say **** you don't mean.

I don't know how to pull through. It is so black and heavy. I know it will be over eventually but it hurts so much now. And I hate that all anyone can say is live in the present, blah blah. The present is pretty terrible.

But I digress. The point is I think I have to take a medical leave from my job right now. It's making things far worse. Has anyone had to do that before? How easy is it? I'm not trying to fill out miles of paperwork. I can't handle that either.

[emgreen]

I taught for 25 years & finally had to hang it up because of my bipolar. It's extremely difficult to get in front of a class & pretend everything's alright, so I empathize with your situation. I'd often call in sick for two weeks when I was having a particularly bad depressive episode...& went over the number of sick days allowed each year.

I'm sorry your husband isn't supportive. With things going downhill at work it would be helpful if you had some support at home. It's not fair of your husband to take out his frustrations on you. I'm sure he doesn't mean the things he's saying (at least I hope not).

I hope you have better days ahead. Being bipolar, we know that what goes down will eventually have a upturn. It's hard, however, to see that when things look especially dark. Hang in there & consider using sick days rather than taking a full-scale medical leave. I'm sure administration will understand your situation.

[BipolaRNurse]

I had to take 3 weeks medical leave this year because of a manicky/panicky episode, and couldn't go back until my doctor released me. He thought it was too soon, but he gave in because instead of stressing about work, I was stressing about not making money (I'd used up all my vacation time).

It was a bad move. I fell apart two hours into the day and had three crying spells within six hours, then was sent home. Three days later I was fired. I was a nurse-administrator and they couldn't have me bouncing off the walls or crying all the time. I've bben a lot better since I got out form under all that stress, except for this episode I'm triying to come out of that's making me hallucinate. But that's a whole 'nother post.

I hope things will work out better thatn they did for me job-wise. Sometimes stress just becomes too much and the mood episode is the way the universe tells us to get out of the rat race. Maybe teaching is too stressful for you atthis point in your life. Only you can tell if it is or not. Just know that a lot of us have been throught something similar and know how scary it is to have our lifvelihood threatened by bipolar disorder. My best to you.

[wildflowerchild25]

Hubby is supportive most of the time but this year has been hell. I don't blame him for being frustrated. He just wants there to be an answer and unfortunately nothing is clear cut. He believes if we just move out of my moms house I will be cured and I will not have another episode. He thinks if I just believe I can be happy I will be. And he is partially right, I have to dig myself out of this episode with coping skills. But I'm just so tired. I just want to go to bed and sleep forever.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I had to take 3 weeks medical leave this year because of a manicky/panicky episode, and couldn't go back until my doctor released me. He thought it was too soon, but he gave in because instead of stressing about work, I was stressing about not making money (I'd used up all my vacation time).

It was a bad move. I fell apart two hours into the day and had three crying spells within six hours, then was sent home. Three days later I was fired. I was a nurse-administrator and they couldn't have me bouncing off the walls or crying all the time. I've bben a lot better since I got out form under all that stress, except for this episode I'm triying to come out of that's making me hallucinate. But that's a whole 'nother post.

I hope things will work out better thatn they did for me job-wise. Sometimes stress just becomes too much and the mood episode is the way the universe tells us to get out of the rat race. Maybe teaching is too stressful for you atthis point in your life. Only you can tell if it is or not. Just know that a lot of us have been throught something similar and know how scary it is to have our lifvelihood threatened by bipolar disorder. My best to you.

Personally I wouldn't care if they fired me at this point. Yes financially it would be terrible but it's obvious I can't do it. I think I need a job in a public school before I can determine if teaching itself is the problem. I think that teaching at this school with these kids is more stressful than a regular teaching job. But right now I have to get through this episode before I can think about anything. Thanks for your support :-)