[winterglen]

I'm in a book hoarding mania, and I don't want to do anything else except go to libraries and read.

I'm supposed to be looking for a job, but I'm having a hard time trying to do the applications. I don't want to network or socialize or have any obligations. I just want to be left alone so I can read and stay in my fantasy world where I am a good capable person.

I know it's not good for me to avoid my responsibilities. I know how selfish and greedy I sound, and I hate it. But I want to keep on being selfish and greedy. It's too much work to find a job and remake my entire personality into someone who deserves to get hired.

It feels like the more I try to be more productive, the more my id breaks me down. I hate feeling like my mind is a bratty child throwing a tantrum. I want to be a good person who does good things, but I hate the thought of actually doing good things because it's too much work and it's too difficult. I give up too easily.

[wing]

I hear you. It's so much trouble and sucks energy to try to fake normal.

[robosuplex]

I don't have anything helpful to add but I'm glad you shared your experience. I feel like this very often and I thought it was just me being a giant whiny baby about things. It's hard to completely trust my bp diagnosis because it is so mild but maybe it explains a lot of the frustrations I have with myself.

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[Victoria'smom]

It doesn't say where you are from but can you go to a place like manpower and let them search for you?

[Side2Side]

I hear you winterglen, job searching is awful. I totally agree that applying for jobs frys the brain. Then once your employed it can be a whole new challenge, stressing me just thinking about it lol.