[Jeepgirl]

Well, I fought if for two years. Thought I could handle it. Didn't take my diagnosis seriously two years ago (after my first and only hospitalization). But after some rough manic behavior the past few weeks I went to a therapist and begged her to find me a hospital that day, 10 hours later I was inpatient. It was rough at first, but 7 days later and heavily medicated, I am back home. I have a pretty good attitude although very exhausted as this is my second day home and of coarse they don't let you sleep very much in the hospital. I guess I am just writing to say, here I am. Accepting the fact that I will be on medicine for the rest of my life, I will need to go to therapy when I need it, I will need to be under a psychiatrist care at all times, and I have to take control of my own health. I have pushed everyone in my life away. I have a lot of apologies and relationships to try to mend. I wish there was a 12 step program for coming out of a severe manic state. Thank god my husband is a true saint. I don't know how he does it. So any suggestions on how to pick up the pieces and build a life when first accepting this diagnosis would be welcome. Thank you and have a great day everyone.

[steelfang]

I am actually going through a very similar situation right now. I denied my bipolar diagnosis until I went into my first manic episode. During that time, I would get extremely agitated when people would criticize me in any way. Even constructive criticism pissed me off, when normally I am reasonable about things like this.

I didn't know that I wasn't in the right state of mind at the time, so I would blow people off over minor affairs. I get extremely arrogant when manic and think I am better than anyone else. Most notably, I dumped my best friend of 5 years at the beginning of my manic episode. I said very nasty things to her such as telling her she was full of ****, a spoiled brat, and a slut. I then blocked her on Facebook, deleted her from my phone and we haven't talked since.

After finals, I am planning on writing her a apology note and disclosing my diagnosis to her. Basically, I am to tell her the reason for my erratic behavior. I am not going to play the role of a victim, however. The take home message will be that although I am responsible for my own actions, my diagnosis explains my hostility. It doesn't excuse my behavior, but it does explain it. I will tell her that I don't expect her to forgive me, but I am open to communicating again if she feels like it. Hopefully she will forgive me, fingers crossed.

I wish you luck in mending your relationships with people. To those who you don't feel comfortable disclosing your diagnosis, I would just tell them that you had medical problems which are now under control, but you had no time to socialize because you needed to concentrate on getting better. I wish you luck in mending your relationships. You are not alone.

[gayleggg]

I would suggest taking it one day at a time and try not to worry too much about the future. I try to go by the Serenity Prayer when I get stressed out. There are somethings we have no control over. Try not to get overloaded with too things at once. Take it slow.

It is great you have a very understanding spouse, that will help a lot. If you have children, just make sure they understand that they didn't do anything wrong and when or if you cry that they didn't cause it. Children tend to blame themselves sometimes when we are sad and need to be reassured.

[Rick7892]

One Day at a Time and First Things First! Of course, saying these is a lot easier than doing them!

When I get overwhelmed (and manic), it helps if I can try to just take life one day at a time, and to set priorities of what I need to do now or first, one thing at a time ("First Things First"). Trying to multitask when I am overwhelmed doesn't work for me. "Do the Next Indicated Thing" is another 12th Step slogan that helps me when I can't figure out where to start.

Good luck!

[Rick7892]

Originally Posted by steelfang

[clipped] Most notably, I dumped my best friend of 5 years at the beginning of my manic episode. I said very nasty things to her such as telling her she was full of ****, a spoiled brat, and a slut. I then blocked her on Facebook, deleted her from my phone and we haven't talked since. After finals, I am planning on writing her a apology note and disclosing my diagnosis to her. Basically, I am to tell her the reason for my erratic behavior. I am not going to play the role of a victim, however. The take home message will be that although I am responsible for my own actions, my diagnosis explains my hostility. It doesn't excuse my behavior, but it does explain it. I will tell her that I don't expect her to forgive me, but I am open to communicating again if she feels like it. Hopefully she will forgive me, fingers crossed. [clipped].

Good for you in planning to make amends & doing so by taking responsibility for your actions! We all make messes, and not all of them can be completely cleaned up, but we can do what we can. Like you note, she may not forgive you (though perhaps she may forgive you after a period of time), but by the sincere amends you plan to make, you may also be able to forgive yourself a little, too, by at least trying to make things right.

Forgiving ourselves for our behavior is also important because we need to live with ourselves as well as we can! Good luck with your finals and your amends!