[bipolarOne79]

It's been a long time since I have posted on here, but I'm back. I'm getting into another depression and just don't know if I can handle another one, my last one ended with a suicide attempt and a 2 week hospitalization. I'm going to go to a support group tomorrow for my first time. I am both scared and looking forward to getting some help. I just wanted to post because I'm feeling so alone right now and I hurt so much. I just don't know if I can take this. I called my psych last week and she upped the dose on one of my meds, I sure hope it helps. Thanks for reading this far and for any support you can offer to me.
John

[henrydavidtherobot]

This is all temporary. Remind yourself of that every day.

[happywoman]

You are taking lots of positive steps to help yourself.
Be kind and gentle to your self . You are not alone , support is all around.

[Victoria'smom]

Keep talking it does help.

[~Christina]

Hey John !

You can handle this! I remember when you hit a wall before... Ugly hot mess right? Well you have learned so much since then.... coping skills and just understanding your own journey with Bipolar.

Do your support group meetings and allow your medications to work... Remember one thing .... Just because you needed inpatient last time doesn't mean you will this time.

Take care and be kind to yourself

[Moose72]

I agree with Christina: Just because it was one way last time doesn't mean it will be that way again.

[middlepath]

Hi John! Depression really bites. I ended up going to a local support group, too, and found it so nice and refreshing to be surrounded by people who's problems sounded similar to my own. It helped me a ton. I hope the group you are going to will give you some inspiration to be able to cope, too. I am sorry you feel badly right now....i hope it turns around soon for you. You are not alone, you have friends!

[bipolarOne79]

Thanks for all the support everyone, it helps knowing I have you all. I went to group tonight for the first time and it went well. I think I'm going to go next week also. Everyone was very nice and either had depression or bipolar. I basically gave them an overview of my life and the lady that leads the group was very sympathetic and interested in what I had to say. It was nice, I feel a little bit better.

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John, I'm glad the support group seemed to help you. I know how scary it is to feel oneself slipping into "yet another depression," wondering what course it will take. If you made it through the last depressive episode, you can make it through this one too!

P.S. Just remember, with bipolar, it's just an episode, i.e., it will end at some point and hopefully you will return to baseline sooner rather than later.

Glad to read you are doing a bit better.

[bipolarOne79]

Thank you!

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Originally Posted by ~Christina

...Remember one thing .... Just because you needed inpatient last time doesn't mean you will this time.

Originally Posted by Moose72

I agree with Christina: Just because it was one way last time doesn't mean it will be that way again.

Yes. This. I've started slipping down the slope too, and keep telling myself this. Working that tool kit to keep it at bay enough to pull back out. They're not all the same.
We will remind ourselves of this together, ok?

[bipolarOne79]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Yes. This. I've started slipping down the slope too, and keep telling myself this. Working that tool kit to keep it at bay enough to pull back out. They're not all the same.
We will remind ourselves of this together, ok?

Thanks Innerzone we can remind our selves together. I'm really fighting thoughts right now, not sure how to handle this. Can I ever PM you?

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One thing though, makes me nervous -- my computer time is very erratic. Sometimes I'm not on all day (and sometimes even for multiple days) and I wouldn't want to leave you in a lurch. It can be hard not getting a response when you're feeling crappy, and I certainly wouldn't want to do anything that would make you feel bad. It would be great just to say I could be on more, right? But there is my catch-22. One of my "tools" is to try (try, not always succeed…. ) to limit computer time (which can mean not getting on at all as I tend to go down for the count). I zone out too badly, go around in uncomprehending circles for hours and hours and hours on end and don't get anything done. Which… tends to contribute heavily to my self-flaggelation and inertia. Argh.

Blah blah blah. Enough about my issues. It is not to say don't (because you are certainly welcome to), it's just to say I'm not very reliable that way. And it's only fair to be up front about that, so that I do not inadvertently hurt you. Because I DEFINITELY don't want to do that!

Regardless of what you decide on that, definitely post away! Your thread will be the first thing I check when I do get on -- no worries there! (Unless there is a PM, in which case of course I'd read that first.)

So, looking at the post dates, it seems that Mondays are the support group meeting day? I'm glad you found it a positive experience and are planning to go again. Finding others IRL who are dealing with BP too can be a bit tricky, oh yes, so a meeting is a great way.

Have you learned some coping skills? Which ones do you find the most helpful?

Do you try to set little goals for each day? (Not to make a sweeping generalization , but…) people who don't deal with BP have a hard time understanding how, when we are depressed, how big our seemingly small victories can be to us. Everyone struggles with different things of course, but maybe it is taking a shower. Going out to the mailbox. Eating. Making a phone call. Getting out of bed. Getting out of the house. A bit of walking or exercise. Maybe these things are no trouble for you and you have a different list. Whatever they are though, feel free to share your victories, because we get it and are happy to celebrate them with you!

[bipolarOne79]

It's okay, I understand. I won't bother you with PM sometimes I'm the same way. I have a couple other people I talk with but feel like I bother them to much.

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[BlackPup]

Hi. I'm back from a long stint off psych Central also. I know the horrible feeling of dropping back into depression and being scared it will be as bad or worse than the last time. One thing I have learnt is to not jump to the conclusion that it's going to get worse cos sometimes it's just a little dip. But to put things in place in case it's serious.

I have some friends who have heard the same crap from me so many times when I've been depressed. Good friends are like that. But venting here is a good alternative

[bipolarOne79]

Yeah venting here seems to help, because I know I'm talking to people who understand what I'm going thru.

I'm not doing well today, I probably already said it but can't remember. I'm feeling so many different things at once I just don't know what to do.


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[writerinstl1983]

Like someone mentioned, I always try to keep in mind that it's only temporary. But, I am hoping that your med changes help you. *hugs*

Oh! It's not a bother, John!

(It's been said I over-explain. Probably guilty. And it probably comes off differently than I intend it. If it is of interest to you, here is my attempt to explain what is at the heart of my earlier response. You are also free, of course, to disregard...)
I just know how not receiving a prompt reply can start up negative self-talk loops for some (eg. they don't care, see, I am a bother, I don't matter enough, they don't like me, what did I do wrong….etc.) It's not all that uncommon, especially when one is already feeling badly. I am probably over aware of and sensitive to the phenomenon, because it is the very way my BF interprets/reacts to response lag time. The worse of a place he's in, the shorter that lag time before his negative self-talk begins -- because to him it feels so very much longer. (I will spare you just how fast and far that spiral goes, because it can be positively frightening, but can tell you that it's made me acutely aware of others' realities in this regard -- hence laying out my cards to you out of respect and caring.) He's not the only one of course, but simply my up close and personal exposure to it -- many many many people experience this. To greater and lesser degrees. How hard does it kick in and how fast? It's a continuum. Does it kick in right away? If not, what kind of time frame before it kicks in (wide variation there of course)? Does it not kick in at all? Everyone is different. I don't know where your felt response falls in all of that. But you do! Therefore, I lay my cards on the table simply so that you may factor in the part I don't know in order to make a determination of how ok you'd be with me often not being able to respond promptly. That's all. )

I hope your day picks up. Is there a light or funny show or movie you could watch? Are there lights up in your neighborhood that might make for a pleasant stroll? These might sound a bit fluffy, but they're legit.

[bipolarOne79]

Thanks for the replies to both of you. As for innerzone what you described is weekday happens to me so it would probably be breezy of I didn't pm you and go ahead and spare my grief. Hope you all have a great Christmas.

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