Intentional Self-sabotage...

I have been having suicidal ideation and pop-up thoughts seeing myself dead with this med change. One of the ways I keep myself safe is by sabotaging myself before I hit a low. Like taking extra meds to the pharmacy for safe keeping during bad times or locking up other tempting items. It is comfortable to give in and hard to fight these urges, but I don't want suicidal thoughts to become a habit.

Dude please talk to your pdoc about this. You don't want this to get any worse. Suicidal thoughts need to be addressed right away and most psychiatrists will schedule emergency appointments for such thoughts. Tell them you're concerns about the new meds. Some people do get suicidal on certain meds. You are doing the right thing by removing potential "tools" of self destructions. I hope things get better for you soon!

What steelfang said. We want you to be safe!

I don't think sabotage is the right word. You are doing things to protect yourself from acting out with certain tools. You should tell your doctor, like previous people have stated.

I never thought of it that way. I just keep feeling like I'm not strong enough. Have to be stronger. I see my doctor today. Thanks.

Great! I'm really glad I was able to help you out. The good thing about this forum is that you can get advice from people who actually know what mental illness feels like.

Please do let us know how the visit went. Wishing you the best.

The Doctor hospitalized me, which I didn't think would happen. Now that I look back I was sicker than I realized. There were small warning signs, but I was not able to see them myself. I am having med changes done in hospital and am already feeling way better,more rational. I am on a pass now. Everything feels easier.

Thanks so much for pointing out unhealthy my thinking was. I really didn't see it that way. You helped me get help before I had a crisis.