[Victoria'smom]

Fun, interesting, lovely and similar things are not words my therapist likes to hear when asking about my mood. She doesn't respond well with "this sucks", "Isn't medication suppose to help?" either. but I have no idea how else to explain any descriptive words when she asks about the last two week. Any idea's of more descriptive words would be greatly appreciated.

But now I have to tell my pdoc what's been going on these passed 6 ish weeks and make my case for why I didn't show up sooner. I know I'm posting a lot about my self so please remind me what I'm missing and how to quickly describe it.

• Convinced if I didn't go to sleep right that second I'd kill myself even though I was petrified of it. took PRN
• went to crying sporadically
• between the sporadically crying I decided that I was exhaling hatred. That I was going to make M depressed and mad at me and turn a friends baby evil and she'd die during childbirth just by breathing near them. Took my PRN went to bed was better in the morning
• when I finally stopped sporadically crying I decided I was M's imaginary friend that lasted about a week
• some other temporary fun-ness but all left within the 1/2 hour
• Most of the time my anxiety was really high now at least I can actually breathe with out being alone with the light off (we'll see how leaving the house goes tomorrow)
• still sleeping 10-18 hours and want to SH but have no intentions to.
• I want off meds

Anything else anyone can think of that's been going on with me for the past little while? any idea's how to sum this up better? Other then I think I may be depressed. I'd really love a one word short sentience answer

[BlueInanna]

You've had a lot of stressful circumstances lately. I think she should know that. It's not all some harmonious nature retreat. You've had major stressors.

You like the therapist? Can you go weekly for awhile?

[Victoria'smom]

My therapist knows most if not all of this because I write everything to her. She also saw me when I still thought I was M's imaginary friend. She asked how much I was taking the PRN. I'm sure my file has been going through a growth spurt as of late. Now I have to explain everything to my pdoc tomorrow and I'm trying to summarize the past 6 weeks into one or two short embarrassing line. I swear I'm thinking of starting with: "Well I think I maybe depressed and I spent a week as M's imaginary friend."

You've had a lot of stressful circumstances lately...... It's not all some harmonious nature retreat. She's been trying to convince me of this for a good two months.

I can't see her weekly, that's why I'm suppose to write to her but lately I have been slacking because honestly I can't really think at all. I'm kinda trapped in my head. I don't know if I like her but I trust her, completely. I see T this Friday I see her every 2 wks and I'm her most frequent client.

[gayleggg]

Maybe you could just show him what you wrote and then talk about the stress you've been through. Sounds like you already have it summed up.

[A Red Panda]

As you're asking us to share what else has been up...

Have you told the pdoc about how you were fairly sure that you didn't exist or that your H would stop existing if you didn't see him or something like that? I can't remember the specifics but you were worried about your T thinking you were delusional.

[Victoria'smom]

So this is what happened. We joked about me being depressed and thinking I was imaginary. How long I've been depressing. Do i need my meds change. How bad its been. If I'm eating with my viibryd and that I have SAD also. He was more concerned with my anxiety, and convincing me that my cp medication will not make me gain weight and to take it properly. He is laying off med changes but wants me to start taking my cp medication, eating with my viibryd, taking the seraquol as often as I can and remember winter is almost over. To think about ambian (he assured me it's weight ) and see him in a month. He talked about how he's moving this summer and we tried to sell him on the idea of moving to Florida. I see T tomorrow, she was prepping me for a med change but she didn't know I was not taking my cp medication.

I have no words of advice but I care about what you are going through and hope you can find stability again soon.

[~Christina]

Hey M

Im not real wordy right now .. Just be honest to your t and pdoc .

[Victoria'smom]

So it looks like T and pdoc are slowly trying to get me on the AP full time. I worried my diagnosis is slowly changing to a more 'serious' dx. Ever pdoc and therapist that my family has assures me that seroquol will not cause me weight gain at that low dose. My husband's T, & pdoc and my T and pdoc has urged me to take the AP as often as I am comfortable with. I actually am seeing my pdoc in three weeks not four. I really don't see the emergency or crisis that they do, if they even do. I'm thinking it's them pushing more because I trust their opinion.

Today in T: My depression is lifting I guess because I can actually tell I'm depressed. My depersonalization was due to how high my anxiety got but I guess my anxiety is still really high because T was worried about how well I handled the waiting room. There was more talks between my husband and T about what issues were mental health related and what should be brought up to my neurologist. More conversations about how I view the world. Tons more notes were taken but this time I was much more able to take part in the conversation this time. She agree's that on top of everything else I have SAD. She's going to try to get it approved by the clinic and my insurance to see her more often. I'm worried their not telling me something. T already said that partial hospitalization and group isn't a good idea for me or my husband. We were talking about how well the waiting room went and how horribly group and PHP went for my husband. I'm really starting to be concerned. My husband was also in my appointment the whole time

My son is now going to therapy 1-2x a week. I have no idea why but that's really none of my business. If his therapist suggested it than it's probably needed. Up until today he was seeing his therapist every 2 weeks. I'm thinking that if he went to public school we would be having a conversation about their intensive out patient program.

I don't know if I'm just being paranoid but it seems like there's a lot of things going on behind the scene with our team that we have not been made aware of yet. There has been no change in my husbands treatment except a recent medication change.

Should I be worried? I feel like I should wait until they talk with us what is going on and they will but I'm really curious.

[BlueInanna]

I think wait until they tell you. If it was something urgent they'd tell you. Good theyre addressing your anxiety more. I don't know much about cp or the meds for it, hope the neurologist helps with that, hope youre ok.
Once a week or more of therapy has always been the norm for my kids. He may just need more right now & he's processing stuff that some of it or most of it doesn't even have to do with you. Try not to worry, he's getting the therapy he needs & you & M love your child & he's a great kid.

[Jcon614]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So it looks like T and pdoc are slowly trying to get me on the AP full time. I worried my diagnosis is slowly changing to a more 'serious' dx. Ever pdoc and therapist that my family has assures me that seroquol will not cause me weight gain at that low dose. My husband's T, & pdoc and my T and pdoc has urged me to take the AP as often as I am comfortable with. I actually am seeing my pdoc in three weeks not four. I really don't see the emergency or crisis that they do, if they even do. I'm thinking it's them pushing more because I trust their opinion.

Today in T: My depression is lifting I guess because I can actually tell I'm depressed. My depersonalization was due to how high my anxiety got but I guess my anxiety is still really high because T was worried about how well I handled the waiting room. There was more talks between my husband and T about what issues were mental health related and what should be brought up to my neurologist. More conversations about how I view the world. Tons more notes were taken but this time I was much more able to take part in the conversation this time. She agree's that on top of everything else I have SAD. She's going to try to get it approved by the clinic and my insurance to see her more often. I'm worried their not telling me something. T already said that partial hospitalization and group isn't a good idea for me or my husband. We were talking about how well the waiting room went and how horribly group and PHP went for my husband. I'm really starting to be concerned. My husband was also in my appointment the whole time

My son is now going to therapy 1-2x a week. I have no idea why but that's really none of my business. If his therapist suggested it than it's probably needed. Up until today he was seeing his therapist every 2 weeks. I'm thinking that if he went to public school plwe would be having a conversation about their intensive out patient program.

I don't know if I'm just being paranoid but it seems like there's a lot of things going on behind the scene with our team that we have not been made aware of yet. There has been no change in my husbands treatarement except a recent medication change.

Should I be worried? I feel like I should wait until they talk with us what is going on and they will but I'm really curious.

It sounds to me like you expressed yourself very well. You have been under immense stress, and through it all, you still help people here regularly! My wish for you is some peace. You are a great person, never forget that.