[czarina1984]

I just got home from my therapist who said that I need more help than her every 2 weeks and my pdoc every 6 weeks.
She had me call the crisis line with her and since I'm not sui or homicidal there aren't any other resources in the area for me unless I go inpatient. They said to volunteer with my church more (and I do a lot already) and that I should stop pretending and hiding what I feel around other people. I was raised to put others first and think about them before me so acting the way I feel seems to completely contradict that. Right now I am still going thru med changes. Its been 4 years and after 3 months of trying the newest one it really isn't working either. I really don't have much hope that anything is going to change or that my future holds anything but endless mood swings and med changes.

[gayleggg]

I am an expert about hiding my feelings from others. I, totally, understand why it would be hard for you to just quit doing that. I would find it next to impossible.

I'm Bipolar II and stay mostly depressed. I been on so many different drugs that didn't do any good. I can't even remember them all anymore. I had a slight up swing a couple of weeks ago and finally thought they found one that worked but only to go back down after a few days. So I understand how you don't have much hope, neither do I at this point. But we are in it together, so stick around.

You can do some therapy online, online courses and therapy in your own time, self help books, journalling, meditation etc. Learning to grow and change on your own can be a long journey but one to stability.

Are you sure there are no other resources in your area? I only found out about some groups in a tiny town newsletter, I would never had known if it existed if not for that. When you're low everything looks bleak but eventually there will be light again.