[cool09]

I realize when I talk/socialize I have trouble focusing on my thoughts/speech and analyzing the other person's expressions/behavior at the same time. It creates tremendous turmoil inside me. It's like I'm using two parts of my brain at the same time and it's incredibly hard work, it drains me, makes me irritable and I lose my train of thought. Almost makes me feel like I'm not in-touch with myself. I've been this way since onset of illness at 15. It seems like this doesn't happen to this degree with the average person (which is why I'm obsessing over it). I've brought things like this up to Psychiatrists before and they just gloss over it. I know this is a weird post and I don't mean for it to seem selfish.

[Taptaptaptile]

I'm a bit wired at the moment so excuse me if I've missed the point

Are you just venting?

All this sounds very complex and difficult. Do you have a therapist?

[PrairieCat]

This sounds like possibly some kind of autism behavior to me. If you can, stop doc from glossing over it or find one who will listen to you. I have found that those with Bipolar Disorder can have bits and pieces of autism within their condition, not uncommon. I do. There may be something that can be done about this. Good luck!

[cool09]

Yes, I recently read about the commonalities that BP and Borderline Personality Disorder have. They have many. Dissociation and Depersonalization are some of them. I think I may have had some of this as an adolescent. I have seen tons of reputable Docs over the last 25 years and had tons of medications with very few periods of relief of agitation, depression, racing thoughts, etc. When I converse I have trouble putting my thoughts together and reading the other person at the same time. My mind starts to scatter and I lose my train of thought. Like I said Docs aren't moved when I describe these types of symptoms. My present Doc of 7 yrs is the best listener and conversationalist I've ever seen and he's sharp with a very good background so I feel stuck. My last Doc was horrible.

And it is frustrating because my parents/brothers can't grasp exactly what I go thru.

[sugahorse1]

I know exactly what you are going through. It makes me feel inadequate and stupid

Its the same for me at times. My docs also gloss over it. But it doesnt happen when I am not in an episode, although even relatively minor depression or anxiety will bring it on.

I also go over whole conversations later analysing what I did or said, checking if I was acting appropriately then getting anxious from "mind reading" or thinking I did something inappropriate. I have to talk myself down from post-social anxiety but I am now much better at recognising it.