[Lemonchapstick]

I am on short term disability after an accident. It pays less than half my salary, covers rent and half the food. Burning savings for the rest.

I could work part time at least. I asked once. My boss didn't email back. And I'm scared to go back to the office. I am in fragile mental state to go with my recovering physical state. That office is stressful and the CEO a piece of work.

Feel stuck. The longer I stay home, the less attached I feel and the less I want to return. I could stay home and job search, but what if I can't find a new job before disability runs out? My liquid savings would be gone. Then I'm going back full time into the fire pit.

Having to fight to get back in is the worst. Why should I fight for this. My boss said he'd be happy to have me back but now that I can come back, nothing. It's making me paranoid.

My psychiatrist says I need to work for my mental health. I don't do boredom. In the absence of work I have overdone exercise, causing new injury to previously uninjured parts to overuse. So now I baby that while rehabbing injuries from accident still. If I don't move the injured leg it will eat itself from inactivity, I already have fat necrosis.

I need the money. It would get me out of the house. I just can't bring myself to ask for it. I know I need to. I'm pretty sure I can. I may not like it, but I think I can do it.

Just scared and feel unwanted. Which is funny, I never used to be so afraid.

Don't know what the point of this post is. Maybe you've been in disability for whatever reason and made it back to work, I want to know how you got there. Maybe you know what it's like to be sick or hurt and halfway through recovery and just want your old self back. Maybe you know what I should do. Maybe you will just read it. Thanks for reading. I'll email my psychiatrist now.

[OutlawedSpirit]

Last year I was out of work for almost 6 months after I got my initial dx of BP1. Halfway through that time, my dx changed to schizoaffective bipolar type. What really got me back to work was the threat of not having a job if I didn't go back. In November, they decided to deny my STD, because apparently hallucinations aren't a valid reason to miss work. Who knew? Anyway, once it was denied I had to go through an appeal process and that was also denied. Technically, at that point, I should have been fired, but I went into HR and fought to keep my job. I went back to work two months after the initial denial. That two months between the time I was denied and the time I went back to work, my wife was working 70+ hour weeks to keep us afloat. So I guess my point is, I used the fear of not having that income to go back. I still struggle with not wanting to go in to work, and think often of having my pdoc or T put me on restrictions again, but the fact that we can't afford it keeps me going in to work.

[donna450]

I applaud all of you wanting to go to work. I worked for quite awhile since 15 but when I was 30 my bioolar kucked in with a vengence and I couldn't function let alone work. Hospital after mental institutions I have stayed twice for a full year. I was completely and utterly a nonperson. I couldn't think act react or do anything that required a simple thought of reason. In 1993 I was put on permanent disability and the doctor said then that I would never be a functional person in society again. I proved him wrong. I still have my moments but shock treatments about 25 over a year+ in 1996-97 brought me out of a debillatating depression and I started my road to recovery. I don't work however my life is as normal as possible with this disease.
I was in an abyss not thinking not functioning for over 20 years. It takes its toll. Like I said I applaud thise of you who can make yourself go to work. It's the best way if able. Don't go where I have been....it's worse than death.

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[BlueInanna]

Sorry to hear of your accident & pain.

For me, like Outlaw said, I used the fear of losing my job & income to get back to work. I spent Sep-Nov in a severe depression and could only focus on work from home about 15mins a day. It was horrible & I decided to try meds again to get out of the depression & back to work.

It was hard going back, facing my employees who know I've been MIA for months, re-learning how to focus & dealing with the catch up pile I had to face. But eventually I got back into routine, still not full force. But proud of myself that I'm working again & the exciting possibility of growing my business and making more money & someday going on a vacation somewhere other than my bed.

Good luck to you, I don't do boredom well either. Once back in a routine, though so hard at first, it becomes SO much easier. Part time is a good idea I think. Good luck to you!

[Marshellette]

Get disability resources to speak with your boss. He shouldn't be so discriminatory. Fight boredom by doing a part time job that works for you. That is what I do. I would be bored stiff at home alone.