Well crap I'm posting

I have been diagnosed Bipolar 1 with agoraphobia, social anxiety and I am sure there is much more. There was something wrong with me from the time I was 12, lots of unsafe behavior, lots of anger. Might have seemed like a regular teen if I was with a new boy every night and experiementing with drugs just to find on that made me feel normal. The panic attacks just added to the fire and I had no idea what was going on, thought I had my dads temper and need to be loved. I mean that is why you sleep with complete strangers. I married at 24 because I thought it was time, not because I was in love. That ended when I met a wonderful man online in a game. We met and have been together for 13 years now. I swear he is like an angel, so tolerant of my broken brain 99% of the time.

The medications seemed to be working but I admit I don't take them like that I should. Heck right now I am sitting here writing this while I drink a bottle of wine.

Everything is making me unhappy. I can not find anything to do that might give me some enjoyment. I had my MMORPG's but those things are no longer holding an interest for me and the few friends I made were fair weather friends, which with me is honestly all I can handle. I do get so lonely. It's painful but I have going to be 45 this year and have no idea how to make friends or who would tolerate me.

I am so lost, my sex life has gone to **** because of medications. My weight is out of control and I have no energy right now to find something that will make a difference, tired of the med changes. The only thing that ever made me feel close to a human being was MaryJane and my shrink refuses to subscribe it..

So ya that's my intro, sorry it is what it is...

Maybe you either need to change your meds or figure out what is working for you.

Drop everything. Think about what you want right now. Tackle one task at a time. When I was feeling like that a couple of months ago I worked with the motivation of getting on a plane and flying to Miami for a vacation with myself. I thought things out and learned to enjoy my own company. My friends all disappeared living their lives so I thought why not live mine.
Take your man with you. Spice up your sex life. Put a limit on your card so u don't spend recklessly.

Don't know if I helped you at all but I hope u feel better. It will pass.

*hugs*



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