[MissyB0201]

Now that I am aware of my ups and downs I crave being up! I am normally a rapid cycler, but since going on lamotrigine I feel like I am stuck being down. It's been a couple months. Maybe it's really seasonal affective disorder, maybe it's bipolar, maybe it's the trouble with my marriage right now. I don't know. I just know that I am depressed, it sucks and I can't seem to shake it. Please don't tell me to see my doctor. It took me nearly a year to get the referral, he's not amazing (lets be honest) and I don't really have any other options. I am changing meds, again. I just want out of this stupid depression. I lose my cool with my kids when I am depressed, I resent my husband. I want to be a better person. I really just want to be "normal" so my children have a good life. I feel like I am not providing them with the best life I could. They never go without basic necessities, but my mind is not in the moment. I am not enjoying things like I should. I am often in lala land. I really have great kids, they deserve better. So go away stupid depression! Go.

[donna450]

It's good you realize you're not as optimal as could be regarding children and husband. How to overcome depression that I don't know. You don't want to hear my story just know that since you're aware of the problem you can keep things in the moment realizing when your depression asserts itself. Talk to your children about how you act or react and maybe have a secret password that they can say that might stop you from going too far. My children didn't have a good life when I was around so I know the damage bipolar depression or mania can cause especially in your children and other half. If you're aware you can do something about it...try different ways of letting you know before you go too far. Good luck...be well...be safe

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[jesusplay]

see a therapist also, it can help.